These Aren't The Happy Endings You're Looking For
by Exquisiteliltart
Summary: After the curse is broken,Emma has a difficult time adjusting to life in the Enchanted Forest and seeks out a disgraced Regina to help her navigate fairy-tale land. Whimsy and romance ensue.
1. Chapter 1

Title: These Aren't the Happy Endings You're Looking For (1/?)

Pairing: Regina/Emma  
Rating: PG (this is just the warm-up, subsequent chapters are headed straight to the gutter, ratings wise)

Disclaimer: These characters are not my creative property

Summary:After the curse is broken,Emma has a difficult time adjusting to life in the Enchanted Forest and seeks out a disgraced Regina to help her navigate fairy-tale land. Whimsy and romance ensue.

A/N: Writing this is entertaining the hell out of me. This fic was inspired by an awesome prompt I received a while back, but I don't want to quote that prompt in the summary because it will spoil the end of the story.

Post-curse Fairy Tale Land wasn't all it was cracked up to be, at least not by Emma's standards anyway. It was boring: especially since her lovely 'parents' were forcing her into round two of her adolescence and treating her like a child. Sure they wanted her to learn from scratch the ways of the new world and manners and etiquette befitting a princess of her stature, but it wasn't Emma, and it never would be.

Recently, Emma had discovered all of this grooming was so she would be fit to marry a 'prince charming' of her own. She didn't want to get married, and she was way too independent and feminist to even entertain the barbaric idea of a royal arrangement. Didn't her parents learn anything about the importance of true love? No. Yeah, Fairytale Land sucked balls. They wouldn't even let her join the hunt or play with swords, because she might hurt herself and she was a princess, (yeah whatever). What kinda shit was this? She was almost a 30 year old woman, God damn it! She knew from Henry's book that mommy Snow had been a badass in her day, and she should be more understanding of what Emma needed to thrive here.

Snow and James acted so different here, and getting used to the awkward fucked-up-ness of them being her parents had changed the dynamic of their relationship drastically. They were still close and Emma felt a kinship with them, but they didn't understand her home was America, not here in this Fairy Tale hellhole. Besides, Snow and James were too busy being in love and making up for lost happily-ever-after time to really hang out with her all that often. Sometimes the dwarves would come over and play cards, but they had a pretty busy schedule in the diamond mines and Emma wasn't entirely convinced that Dopey didn't cheat- (he claimed he didn't understand the rules, yet suspiciously he always seemed to have a pair of aces up his over-sized sleeves when the heat was on.)

She was one of only two people who had never lived life in the Enchanted Forrest before, and Henry was no help at all in the situation. The whole thing was his absolute ultimate fantasy. He had spent the past few months wandering around the castle exploring. He was fascinated with every minute detail of the place, and spent all his free time interviewing/annoying all the servants and guards. Really, he acted no different than he had in Storybrooke: if anything he had gone from being spoiled at Regina's hand to being spoiled in a castle at the hands of servants to fulfill his every whim. Of course he loved it here, and no Evil Queen to tell him _no_. Emma supposed that was her role now, but she never was very good at being a mother, and he just did what he wanted anyway, so what was the point?

Regina- Emma couldn't help but think about her- a lot. When the whole curse breaking went down and the cat was out of the bag, there were some tears and anger, but Regina had some bargaining chips at the bottom of her Prada bag that had most definitely saved her life. She was the only person who knew how to 'transport' them all back 'home' for one, and she convinced Snow and James that she no longer held any of her former magic and power. Even better yet, she had somehow convinced Snow that she had finally and absolutely forgiven her. Snow, not being one to hold grudges herself, or more likely that she was just plain gullible and stupid, relented and let Regina keep her life. She was currently living peacefully in the solitude of the forest.

Regina, (that lucky bitch) also convinced them that the whole 'ordeal' (aka curse) was Rumpelstiltskin's fault (aka Mr. Gold) and he was currently taking up residence in the cozy palace dungeon. And yes- it really was cozy, Snow had spent her fair share of time in dungeons and jail cells and she liked to spruce it up a bit and add a personal touch for her guests/prisoners. Emma knew it was bad when even that bastard didn't have it too shabby in Fairy tale land. Everyone was all about their happy endings-except her. Guess you could say Emma was slightly bitter, but that's the price you pay for being the white knight/savior and breaking the curse freeing all the fairytale characters you ever knew or loved.

As for the matter of Regina and Henry, well- adoption wasn't recognized as legit here. All human orphans were raised by roving packs of wild jungle animals. It was weird. Not that Henry would go back to Regina; he probably would have went with the animals if given the choice. His reasoning was that Huntsman Graham was raised by wolves and he turned out okay, (well, not so much okay, okay,) but anyway…

No one would tell Emma where Regina was, and this whole stupid place had so many different rules- not just in customs and culture, but in actual physics she couldn't figure anything out on her own. Emma had never paid attention in science class, but in the practicality of the everyday she could feel that distance and time didn't measure out like she was used to. Her body in the space around her felt different, making it difficult and frightening to try and travel far on her own.

Emma liked nature well-enough, but spending the day with Snow and identifying various bird calls, was not her idea of a rousing weekend activity. Her horseback riding skills were remedial at best and no one would even ride with her anymore. Citing that it wasn't fun for them to wait up for her while she plodded slowly along the castle grounds. So when she wasn't learning about tea time, or being 'fitted' (aka tortured) into a new gown- (each one bigger and more fabulous than the previous-gag me) she stared out the window and thought about home…and pants…mostly home though, and sometimes nachos.

She thought about Regina too…(a lot, yeah, she couldn't help it.)

Maybe it was the aforementioned second adolescence that riled up a streak of rebellion in her, or maybe it was sheer frustration at feeling so alone and misunderstood that did it, but she began to seriously consider finding Regina. Sure they had never gotten on so well in Storybrooke, but she missed their stimulating conversations aka: arguments. Mostly, she was curious to see how she appeared here. Was her hair long again? Was her voice and demeanor different? Without a town to run or a kingdom to rule had she finally chilled the fuck out? Everyone had retained the essence of themselves, but a slightly changed version (exception being Archie, who was now an insect, but he could still talk so it wasn't _that_ weird for Emma, right.)

Emma being a creature obsessed with her 'modern' conveniences, (she really missed TV- God, Castle and Beckett, why!) She couldn't just whip out her cell phone and rattle off a text or send a call to Regina to check up on her. Apparently, Verizon's 3G coverage didn't extend to _imaginary_ realms. Emma checked out the "FTL postal service" but upon seeing all the bird shit from the carrier pigeons she turned right back around. There was no way. Besides a note would be too impersonal for all the things she wanted to talk to Regina about. Well, mainly she knew she couldn't hold a decent sexually charged argument through the mail. She just had to see her, even though the prospect that Regina might not feel the same frightened her, it really wouldn't be any different than their usual dynamic, so she spent her time trying to figure out a way to find her.


	2. Chapter 2

The chance to find Regina came sooner than she thought it would. Sensing Emma's growing resentment, Snow suggested a fun family outing to visit Red and Granny. Emma jumped at the chance to see some familiar faces. She was a bit nervous, knowing that Red was a werewolf, as her entire knowledge base of her kind was derived from watching a marathon of the "Twilight" movies with Henry. He said he wasn't that into them, but Emma knew better based on the fact that they watched the whole series over the course of a rare weekend that Regina actually let him come see her. That and the subsequent angry phone call from Regina when he refused to go to bed for fear a vampire would crawl into his window. She could still hear her voice, _"And exactly __**where**__ did he pick up that ridiculous notion, Ms. Swan?"_

Red and Granny's house was rustic, (that was the descriptive word that Emma preferred to use), and when Red asked her to walk with her down to the well to haul back some water, Emma tried to politely decline. It sounded so menial and boring, but Red gave her a wink, and the only alternative was listening to Granny give a bona fide dissertation on the finer meditative joys of knitting. All that was missing was a freaking power point. So Emma politely excused herself, and joined Red, cloak trailing, as they marched out to the well.

"Emma, you don't look happy. What's bothering you?" Red asked in her typical sweet understanding way.

"Ha! Besides the pink frilly dresses? Oh, you know, just getting used to life as a princess," Emma's drippy reply was obviously sarcastic.

"I know we're not supposed to talk about the 'other' world, but I can tell…you miss it."

"I do. Don't you? Even Just a little?" Emma asked desperate to connect with someone who understood.

"Well, yeah. I suppose, but I feel at home here. Even though my happy ending hasn't come true," Red said drawing up a bucketful of water to pour into her jug.

"Oh yeah, you sort of ate your boyfriend. That's rough stuff," Emma did feel bad, but the whole circumstance was too much to even imagine. It didn't seem real.

Red sighed at the memory, but redirected her attention Emma's concerns, "What would it take to make you happy, hmm?"

"Everyone keeps yammering on about the freedom they have now, but I just don't feel that way at all. I feel more trapped than ever. It's like my whole other life was erased or something," Emma lamented.

"I get that feeling, believe me. Does Henry feel the same?" Red asked trying to understand Emma's feelings.

"No, he doesn't even miss Regina…" Emma trailed off, pain seeping into her words.

"And you do? You miss **her**?" Red was shocked but she was starting to get it.

Emma broke down, "yeah, I can't help it. I really want to see her, but no one will even let me say her name, or tell me how to find her. Maps around here are useless. I miss my GPS."

Red was unable to disguise her emotions, and the guilty look currently encompassing her features, told Emma all she needed to know.

"You know where she is! Tell me, please!" Emma begged.

"I shouldn't…Em, it's dangerous. Your parents….well, no one, would take well to you going to her," Red spoke the truth, Emma knew, but it didn't dissuade her from wanting to see the woman.

"Where did you find her?" Emma was completely curious.

"I was on a hunt and I stumbled upon her cottage. I didn't stick around, but it was definitely her house. She has a new apple tree," Red confessed begrudgingly.

"Could you get there again, and take me?"

"Haven't you learned how to find what you're looking for yet? You just have to wish for it and as long as there are no magic barriers cloaking the destination, you will find it," Red explained in a matter of fact tone."

"Thank you, Red," Emma inhaled sharply, realizing that her parents had purposely left that piece of useful navigation advice out of her lessons. They probably figured she'd try something stupid like this.

"Emma, you know- we're all changed. She might not be the woman she was in Storybrooke, and well- I mean she wasn't that great then, so I don't know what you're hoping to find," Red warned once again.

Emma shrugged; she was willing to take her chances.

The next morning, she announced at breakfast that she was going to spend day practicing her riding, knowing it was the one activity she'd be left alone for. Snow and James encouraged her, sharing a look that signaled she definitely needed practice. After breakfast, she swiped a pair of her dad's pants and a white tunic. There was no way she was going to let Regina see her in her stupid gown. The stable boy helped her ready her horse, and she sensed he was kinda hitting on her, but she shook off his offers to 'help her ride' and set out away from the palace. _You gotta watch out for those stable boys._


	3. Chapter 3

She thought about what Ruby had said. Shutting her eyes and making the wish, she really put some soul into it, and the horse almost instantly changed course. She jostled along, although riding in pants was a relief, she still missed her bug. She would have torn up the enchanted forest highway in that thing. Although, there were many places her car wouldn't have been able to go, and deep into the forest was one of them. It would have raised too much suspicion for her to carry a weapon, so she hoped that no occasion would arise where she needed one. (She felt a bit unsecure, as she had always carried her trusty mace keychain in Storybrooke, '_always on alert for a perp', _had been her motto.)

In no time at all, (or it might have been a really long time- damn _time_ in general in this God forsaken place!) the forest cleared and she came upon Regina's humble abode_. That wish-shit actually worked, who would have thought? _A thin curl of smoke billowed from the chimney, signaling someone was home. The cottage was modest, but what it lacked in flair was offset by beautiful blooming flowers of all varieties in the yard and marking the entrance to the door. She dismounted her horse, and cautiously walked down the path. She knocked a few times to no answer. She always got nervous visiting people unannounced, (especially former Evil Queens who no longer had custody of their adoptive sons.)

Just as she was about to give up, she heard a loud splash from behind the house. Her curiosity besting her she walked around to the back. Being in Fairy Tale Land was almost too much, as she stepped around her senses were assaulted. The grass was greener than Ireland and the water was bluer than the Caribbean Sea. It truly was like being in a cartoon. She stopped dead, for there in the water was Regina. A thick braid of black hair wrapped into a bun sat neatly upon her head, but other than that she looked the same- no, even better- than Emma remembered. Tan and fit- oh, and Emma noticed, unable to control her naughty smirk: _Madam Mayor was nekkid._

She announced her arrival by clearing her throat, and Regina's eyes snapped up taking in her appearance.

"Princess Swan? Or should I say _Prince_? Are you taking on a new masculine identity in your clothing choice?" Regina's voice was cool and calm, slightly deeper than Emma recalled, and Emma really wasn't sure if Regina was insulting her or complimenting her.

"Um…no, I just hate the usual fashion around here," Emma's voice cracked with nerves.

"We don't prescribe to biased gender notions here, you can be whoever you want. Well not really since you're a princess," Regina stated eyeing her leather with a predatory scowl.

"I didn't know the Enchanted Forest was so progressive—and No- I don't want to change my gender identity just because I'm wearing pants and I'm supposedly a princess now. What the fuck? Regina. You really want to have a conversation like this, now?" Emma was flustered, in all the times she imagined her meeting Regina in this land it had never gone like this. Anger would have been a welcome start, like maybe Regina could throw something at her and blame her for ruining her life? _No?_

"Fine, dear. Why have you come?" Regina stood up in the water, letting it trail off her body, completely immodest, facing Emma-topless. Emma lost her words. Everyone seemed unaffected and unfettered by nudity and bodily functions in Fairy Tale land- disturbingly so for Emma's liking. She was no prude, and she liked to do her share of belching, but living here was like being transported to a hippy colony in the 70s.

Another thing, people didn't seem to use towels here; Emma could not figure that one out either. When she first came to live at the palace, she was on a guided tour of the kingdom: clutching her horse, hanging on for dear life, with her trainer leading them along, when they came to a stream; he just walked through it. Didn't even take off his shoes! He emerged on the other side like it was nothing, soaking wet. (Of course the only bridges she'd seen here were either enchanted to protect magical artifacts or infested with trolls, so there was that valid excuse.)

"I just came to say 'Hello'," Emma stuttered, sounding lame to even to her ears.

"Is that so?" Regina remained nonplussed.

"And maybe to discuss Henry…" Emma said catching Regina perk up at the mention of their son.

"What about Henry?" Regina spit venom in her question.

And there it was- the reaction Emma had been hoping for- if only to prove that Regina hadn't changed that much.

"It's been months. You haven't visited or sent word, I just thought I'd come to you. Maybe I could arrange a visit?" Emma tapped her foot and cast her eyes down.

"Why don't you join me for a swim in my pond and we can—reacquaint ourselves?" Regina asked politely, but the tone was reminiscent of a command.

Emma hesitated. _Great, now she had to get naked too._ _Fucking lack of towels._ She cautiously stripped off her top and unbuttoned her pants.

"Hurry along, Princess. I'm not going to drown you if that's why you're concerned," Regina splashed at her- _Splashed!_ _The hell?_

"Don't be so impatient, I'm coming," Emma scolded even as she watched Regina tip her head back and blatantly watch her get into the water. It was a bit deeper than she anticipated and she flailed for a moment, going farther under than intended. When she came up sputtering, Regina was standing close, _like really close._

"If you drown on your own accord, I will not be held responsible," she said dryly, "Just one more thing for your foolish mother to blame me for, I suppose."

"She's forgiven you, and you've forgiven her, right?" Emma prodded. The water felt nice, she hadn't been swimming for ages, especially not skinny dipping. Storybrooke Regina would never go for something like this. Perhaps she had changed much more than Emma thought at first glance.

"All water under the bridge," Regina punctuated her comment by flicking water at Emma.

"Hey, no fair!" Emma's competitive streak kicked in and she splashed back, aiming for Regina's face, and that's when she heard a genuine melodic laugh come from Regina. The sound was delightfully unexpected.

"Just so you know," Regina leaned in and whispered (Purportedly for dramatic effect because there was no one else around), "I have visited Henry…and you."

"Oh, I think I would remember that," Emma scoffed, swimming a bit further out, following after this new improved playful Regina.

"At least Henry fed me a handful of seed, you, on the other hand- attacked me," Regina bit her lip in mock hurt.

"Um…what are you talking about?" Emma was possibly now convinced that Regina was psycho.

"I may have used a _little_ bit of transformative magic to fly up to your window," Regina smiled broadly sweeping her arms through the water.

"You still have your magic? But I thought-wait, were you that big black bird that wouldn't get off of my balcony? Oh my God!"

"I take offense! I make a beautiful raven, and you nearly knocked out my tooth with that sneak broom attack. I don't exactly have dental insurance here. It was rude," Regina continued, enjoying the look of utter disbelief on Emma's face.

"You didn't even have teeth at the time- you had a **beak**! This is crazy," Emma furrowed her brow unable to wrap her head around this.

"Despite all that, I thought you looked rather well. I was just checking up, much like I assume you're doing today?"

Emma swam back toward shore, and looked out noticing Regina's abundant garden and admiring her new apple tree. It was huge and hanging heavy with large, blood red apples dangling enticingly from its branches.

"I have lost some weight since coming here- Snow is all on this 'traditional Fairy Tale dish' diet kick- trying to garner my appreciation for my ethnic culture, I guess. I hate it. Who would have thought beets were such a primary food here? It's like 80 percent of what you people eat," Emma grumbled, knowing Regina loved the finer things in life, and hoped she might understand her pain.

Before realizing how hopeful and potentially desperate her tone sounded, Regina blurted, "I could cook something for you."

"French fries? A cheeseburger….ooh! Spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread?" Emma was all about it, her mouth watering at the thought. She knew Regina was a good cook from the few times she'd had dinner at her house with Henry. Her hope quickly sank, "Can you even make that sort of food here, you know, with the sorts of ingredients available?"

Regina laughed again, "We don't have processed food- Sorry to say, the Hostess truck won't be rolling through to bring you unlimited ding-dongs and crème pies. However, I do have some delicious recipes for baked goods." (Regina had traded the Blind Witch her poisoned apple weapon for her enchanted child- mesmerizing cupcake recipe, although she wasn't about to mention that tidbit to Emma. Too many questions she'd have to answer.)

Emma noticed that the sun was drooping in the sky, and it wouldn't be long before dark. Not only was Emma worried about riding at night, she also knew her parents would worry if she wasn't home. If her parents worried than they would tighten their leash on her and thwart her plans to come to Regina again.

"Will you really cook for me? I mean, can I come back to see you soon?" Emma asked sheepishly, her optimism betraying her. She knew first-hand how cruel Regina could be, and she was probably setting herself up for a fall, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help but feel a prisoner on reprieve in Regina's company.

Regina wouldn't admit it, but she was desperately lonely since she had been exiled and relieved of her responsibilities. She wondered if Emma suspected that she hadn't truly forgiven Snow. (Some things were just too big to forgive-ever! What kind of Evil Queen would she be if she gave up on her vendetta after one measly failed curse, anyway?) She'd already revealed that she still retained at least some aspects of her magic, which in itself was dangerous to confess.

"You could come back tomorrow, for breakfast? We could talk some more," Regina's voice became light and chipper, like they were making plans for a standing Thursday coffee date.

"Yes, I'd like that. I'll be here in the morning. Thank you," Emma said, trying desperately to reconcile the evil deeds done by Regina and the unexplainable euphoric feeling she was experiencing, like she had restored something in herself that she hadn't known was missing.

Forgetting her nudity, (She guessed some things about being here were rubbing off on her) she pulled Regina toward her and wrapped her arms around her. She didn't forget they were naked for long, when Emma's breasts brushed nicely against Regina's. A pleasant jolt hummed through her body, and though Regina had momentarily hesitated, now she didn't seem to want to let go. At this proximity Emma noticed she smelled really good- (and not just for someone who bathed in a pond.)

It was when Regina began to softly stroke her hair that the real alarm bells sounded in Emma's head: _Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh, not good- no, no….oh! toooo good, hmm sooo good_. Emma heard herself purr softly under Regina's pleasing touch. She wanted to stay right in that position and never let go, but she wrenched herself away and splashed ungraciously out of the water. _No fucking towels!_ Emma became further ensconced in fairy tale land life when she pulled on her clothes and shoes, not even bothering with the fact that she was sopping wet. She bid Regina a curt farewell, with the promise she'd be back in the morning. Then she promptly hightailed back to the castle, her heart racing way faster than her horse.


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, Emma had said she would go back to see Regina, and she wanted to, _believe you me,_ but she just couldn't risk it two days in a row. _Could she?_ Aside from the awkward scowl from her attendant when she showed up in her father's pants (damp and smelling of horse) she had made it back unscathed. Emma knew there was no way in hell she could use the same lie twice and say she was going riding all day again. Her parents wouldn't believe her, she had already been too vocal in her disdain for riding, and it would appear suspicious.

Sleep wouldn't come, her mind flooded by thoughts of Regina. _What was she doing?_ She looped in a circle, convincing herself to forget about her and never go back- _move on, Emma! You stupid idiot, you saw her- big deal, you chatted… you hugged her…naked. Grr. _Emma thought the night would never end, but finally at daybreak she decided to go. She would sneak out, offering no explanation to anyone (mainly because she couldn't think of a suitable lie.) She wasn't one to break her promises and she couldn't just Stand Regina up. _So she convinced herself_. She saddled her own horse, made the wish, and took off toward Regina's cottage.

The same heart palpitation she had experienced the day before seemed to reoccur as she tied her horse up and headed for Regina's door. She checked her breath and paced a couple times, out front, psyching herself up. _Last she checked, this wasn't a high school prom date. _She knocked and the door flung open by way of magic. She stepped into Regina's house and looked around. Regina was nowhere in sight. She took in the simple cottage, kitchen, living room with a fireplace and that was about it.

"Regina?" Emma called uncertain.

"You're here early," Regina's sleepy yet scathing voice called back from somewhere above.

Emma looked up, noticing a ladder leading to a loft bed, and saw Regina's hand hanging over the side.

"You're still in bed?" Emma absently scanned the room for a clock, but then remembered where she was, _No cell phones, not even a simple radio alarm clock, Come on!. _

"The sun is already up 3 notches."_ That's what people said around here, stupid. _

Regina peeked over the edge of the loft and down at Emma, squinting and yawning, "Take off your boots and come up here. I'm not setting foot out of bed until the sun is up 5 notches- at least. My coven meeting ran late last night. The full moon is in two days, so there was a lot of planning and discussion to get through."

"Is that your witch business?" Emma asked with a frown, scaling the short ladder and taking in Regina's bed. She about fell off in shock, (though she shouldn't be surprised by anything at this point) when she noticed, like yesterday, Regina was buck ass naked, covered (barely) by a thin sheet.

"Nothing to worry about," Regina patted the bed beside her, her braided hair sporting flyaways from sleep, which Emma thought were oh so cute. Shaking her head, Emma crawled awkwardly around Regina's legs and sort of flopped down beside her, "Do you always sleep naked?"

"Well, when you have to sew your own clothes and the closest thing to a washing machine is a riveted board and a bar of lye, you learn to skimp and reuse," Regina said turning over to face her properly.

Emma sunk down closer to Regina, and immediately felt how soft and inviting the mattress was, "What is your bed stuffed with?

"Apple seeds and bunny tails," Regina replied wickedly, leaning even closer until they were practically nose to nose. Regina was smiling and staring- _no- gazing_ through her sexy brown sleep-drooped eyes. Emma couldn't really think all that clearly at the moment- Yep, there was a definite _haze_ clouding out conscious thought.

"It's even more comfortable than mine at the palace," Emma said dreamily, letting herself relax.

Regina's face contorted like she had something she wanted to ask, but was finding it difficult. She tightened her lips and then found her words, "I suppose your bed sees many visitors? I'd suspect you're down at the tavern all the time using your newfound 'princess card' as a pick up line on every half-way decent looking troll and ogre who looks your way? I hear Shrek's an alcoholic now, you've probably seen him."

_Huh? Was Regina calling her a slut with bad taste in men, or was she being adorably jealous_? _Or Both? _

"Um…I didn't even know there was a tavern."

"Oh, yes. They don't have that Big Buck Hunt game you liked, but there is something akin to shuffleboard to play," Regina answered like it was supposed to excite her.

_Great, Fairy Tale Land just seems more and more like a Florida retirement village the longer she's here. Shuffleboard? _

But getting back to the more important question at hand, (the one that seemed to be positively suspended in the sexual tension between them), "Actually, I haven't had **any** visitors to my bed. Yours is the first I've shared…" Emma was sure she sounded pathetic, and she cast her eyes downward. (Which was a very bad idea, because Regina's bare thigh had snuck out from under the sheet and was just splayed out there for her hungry, sex-deprived eyes to feast on.)

At the sight Emma trembled, and Regina interpreted it as a sign of fear. Regina's hand snaked out from under the sheet, she held Emma's wrist and traced circles on it with her thumb. When she spoke, in came out in that low, killer voice that simultaneously terrified and delighted Emma, "Really, dear? Well, you know there's no need for you to be afraid of me. You surely see that now? I've already lost everything…"

Perhaps Regina meant to intimidate through reverse psychology, but to Emma she just sounded broken and hopeless. It tore out her heart _-yikes, bad choice of words-_ to see Regina like this (but in a decidedly perverted way, also turned her on considerably). Emma felt a lump in her throat, unable to speak, realizing with renewed clarity that she was in the Evil Queen's bed _like seriously, fuck!_ The sudden intimacy of the moment hitched her breath; it felt exquisite and unbearable all at once. Regina's hand was making a slow travel up Emma's arm, raising goose bumps as it went.

Emma cleared her throat and scrambled away, opting to sit up and lean against the wall. She let herself cool down for a moment and then immediately opened a whole new can of awkward discussion. _Smooth, Swan._

"It's um…private here, kind of quiet. It's a nice relief. At the palace I don't have any privacy at all. There are attendants in the bathroom, attendants to help me get dressed, a guard watches over me while I'm in bed. I mean not only have I not had any 'visitors' I haven't even…um…had a chance to 'visit' myself."

It was Regina's turn to falter; she didn't even know what to say to Emma's little revelation. She shifted in bed and then finally spoke, rather hoarsely, (and slightly indignantly) "you mean you haven't…touched yourself in months?"

"Not with my goober of a guard huffing around, no. And another thing: I miss batteries too, desperately," Emma lamented poutily, and Regina's mouth went dry.

"You must be feeling terribly deprived."

"Absolutely dying," Emma agreed without meaning to sound quite so fraught, despite the need that was transparently evident in her voice.

"Hmm, well, I think you're approaching things all wrong. You say you have 'attendants' to 'help' you, but those attendants and guards are actually your **servants**- whose only existence is to satisfy your every wish and desire. Do you understand what I mean?" Regina explained as if Emma was a particularly dense child.

"Yeah, but Snow says that they are not there for me to boss around, and as much as they annoy me- that doesn't help with my problem," Emma twisted in confusion.

Regina smiled, evil glint twinkling in her eye, "Do you know what I used to do with my servants?"

"I can only imagine, Regina."

"I'll demonstrate. Okay, you are the servant and I am the queen, and you're helping me in the bath," Regina backed up wriggling between Emma's legs, and sat facing away from her. Emma focused; intent on the shadows that cascaded down Regina's muscled back in the dim light.

"Uh huh," Emma played along, barely listening.

"So I'm taking my bath, and my attendant is behind me, with the washcloth, washing my back—that's your cue, dear," Regina stopped and turned her neck, tapping Emma's arm and giving her the old raised eyebrow look.

"What?"

"Wash my back," Regina repeated slowly.

Emma carefully moved her hands up and down Regina's back, gently caressing her.

"Good, then I move my head around a little and sigh, crack my neck a bit and ask for a massage- if they don't get the hint," Regina demonstrated as Emma continued to stroke her back until Regina cleared her throat.

"Oh!" Emma moved her hands up and worked her shoulders, gliding easily over her long neck, causing Regina to relax and fall back against Emma, resting her head just under Emma's chin.

"That's lovely dear. Do you know what to do next?" Regina asked hopefully.

_? _

"Um?"

"You take your attendant's dainty little hand from your neck and…" Regina reached back for Emma's hand, pulling and leading it, covered by her own, on a southbound journey- between her breasts (which were looking positively edible with nipples ripe as cherries begging to be sucked) and further down her torso, over the dimple of her belly button, raking gently through the tuft of soft hair, until it finally reached land ho! nestled cozily between Regina's legs. Regina removed her own hand and rested it on Emma's outstretched leg like an armchair, "you may continue my massage now." _Subtlety, Regina, look it up. _

Emma breathed against Regina's hair, the heat of her body nicely warming Emma's insides. Feeling dizzy in the head and a pleasant dull throb between her legs, she slowly moved just her middle finger back and forth against Regina, who whispered breathily, "Touch me the same as you like to touch yourself. I want to feel it."

Emma grew a tiny bit bolder in her exploration, parting her lips with her finger and testing her wetness, finding Regina to be more than ready. She gathered the wetness and spread it over her clit, applying a steady pressure. Emma's moved her other hand from Regina's shoulder down to her breast, covering it, squeezing lightly, brushing over her nipple to elicit a gratifying sound from Regina, and a tightened grip on Emma's thigh.

Emma was completely caught up in the sights of sound of Regina below her. She was enjoying her vantage point, but getting leverage was difficult and she couldn't get her fingers in as deep as she wanted. _Oh God, what was happening? She had been so easily seduced it was laughable._

_Regina-smoldering hotness, lickable lip scar, Regina, sexy mean bitch, cool and controlling in the best way ever, Regina, murderer, rapist, thief of her childhood, killer of fathers, enactor of the dark curse…_

Right then and there-(with fingers buried halfway in Regina, and Regina climbing halfway to orgasm) - Emma freaked the fuck out. She snapped her hands away from Regina's body completely, causing Regina (who was mid-moan) to drop her voice from a moan of pleasure to a moan of agony like a pitch whistle. Emma tried to slow her breathing, and to wipe the evidence of sex from her fingers. She was coursing with adrenalin and fear, she wanted to run, but she was effectively trapped. Backed tight against the wall on the second floor loft, with a very (sexually) aroused and exceptionally (sexually) pissed off Regina sitting tight between her legs. This may be her last conscious moment ever.

Regina took a deep breath, and with a never before seen display of impressive (sexual) agility, flipped onto her hands and knees, pressed her face close to Emma, and firmly wrapped her hand around Emma's throat, a growl emanating from her own, as she asked with emphasis, "Why. Did. You. Stop. Swan?"

"I—I—can't-"Regina's grip tightened (an effective threat to be sure).

"The name of my bathroom attendant is Mabel. She's pushing 80 years old at least. I would never ask her to do that to me," Emma replied flustered, making up an excuse. (Anything was better than saying she had a sex induced panic attack/flashback of Regina's unspeakable evil deeds and was having a hard time reconciling if fucking her equaled forgiving her, not to mention the betrayal of her parents, etc., on and on and on).

Regina was not amused; she licked her lips, breath still a little labored from unfulfilled need. Emma's eyes betrayed her and Regina could see the obvious want and desire on display there.

"Look at me," Regina's had loosened from Emma's neck, and now caressed her collar bone.

She was willing to forgive Emma, just this once, this had happened rather quickly, (even if all of their time in Storybrooke was considered foreplay, which to Regina it might as well been_. Ah, she kind of missed those days of eye sex and collapsed mines_). Perhaps she had pushed Emma into something she wasn't ready for today, due to her own loneliness, (cursed powers of effortless seduction) but the question Regina had, and had to have the answer to: would Emma ever be ready?

A long moment passed, neither woman saying anything, Emma looked to be on the verge of tears, she wanted Regina so much, she wanted to make her feel good, to soothe and comfort her, (to make her cum like a banshee on Halloween) In fact, she had been thoroughly enjoying everything about Regina which was really saying something, (what with Regina being evil and Emma really not liking people in general). For the first time in months, (despite the undercurrent of nerves and worry) she had actually looked forward to today, but it was just difficult right now. _Not impossible though, never impossible. Very possible, indeed._

Regina inched closer, her face pressed close to Emma so much so they were breathing the same air. Regina's tongue made a slow sweep of her own bottom lip as she shifted her gaze back and forth from Emma's lips to her eyes: _searching, reading, hoping_. They were both _agitated, fidgety, nervous,_ more excited by each other than either would care to admit, "It's quite alright, dear. Just answer honestly. Forget about Mabel. Could you **ever** ask me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Emma took a deep breath: she had to get out of this bed. Regina was overwhelming her with unique brand of sexy electric intensity, and if she stayed like this for a moment longer she might do something she'd live to regret. _Like grab Regina by the hair and forcibly shove her flawless face against her swimsuit area and never let her up for air-erm, Oh God, stop thinking about her lips!_

She gave an almost imperceptible nod Regina's way, swallowing hard and then she faltered, "I think—I think- that you promised to serve me breakfast."

Regina looked fettered, "'Promise' is a strong word, dear, but very well…"

Emma expelled a long breath, and followed Regina, who climbed down from the bed, and quickly pulled on a black linen dress. Emma used to have one very similar from Old Navy in the early 2000s. _All fashion makes a comeback they say._ Regina tied a black silk ribbon around her waist to give the shiftless dress some shape, and sat to work redoing her long braid. Emma watched in fascination when all that hair came down. Emma nervously worked her fingers through her own Pantene perfect princess hair.

Regina remained quiet while sitting at her small dressing table, and brushing out her long mane before braiding it back up with lightning fast fingers. Emma felt extremely out of sorts, worried she had upset Regina, and wondered if she should just leave. Just as she was inching for the door to make a hasty retreat Regina spoke.

"What do you miss most?"

"Ha- where do I begin? My iPod, TV, junk food, cars—" Emma had put a lot of thought and time into all the things she missed and she no one ever asked her.

"I meant breakfast foods. Please try to narrow down the list," Regina had moved toward the kitchen, and was waiting with her hand on her hip. Emma sighed in relief, as it appeared Regina was intent on making something nice for Emma and had opted to push aside their little _erotic squabble- _for now at least.

"Anything but porridge, please? Denny's grand slam: eggs, pancakes, sausage, bacon?" Emma asked only half-joking about the Denny's part- _Perkins would be good too_.

Regina nodded and set about her kitchen, working efficiently. Emma noticed she appeared to have an actual real life goddamned refrigerator-like thing and when asked how she had managed that, Regina just shrugged her off with the usual reply, "Magic."

Not even 15 minutes later Regina placed a plate of hot food in front of Emma's eager badger face. The delicious smell of grease about knocked her over before she even had a bite. Once she started eating she just about came from sheer joy, "Oh God, so fucking good. Thank you! Tastes just like real food," Emma mumbled shoveling in another mouthful of pancake and melted butter.

"You like?" Regina asked with false modesty, and was answered with a longer and more inspired moan than Regina could ever hope to elicit from Emma in the throes of passion (but it was a nice preview of things she _hoped _to come).

"None of my puffy clothes are gonna fit if you keep cooking like this for me," Emma realized how presumptuous her words were as soon as they left her mouth. She sat down her fork and looked sheepishly at Regina, "I mean not that I would expect you to. You certainly don't have to- I'm not inviting myself to come around all the time or anything."

"That's alright. I can see that they are practically starving you, what with the way you are eating without pausing for breath," Regina took a bite of her own modest breakfast of boiled eggs and toast. It was all the cue Emma needed to attack her food again voraciously until nothing was left except a streak of runny egg yolk. _She seriously considered putting her face to the plate and licking._

"Would you care for some juice?" Regina offered, pouring Emma a glass of what she assumed to be apple juice.

"Thank you," Emma said sipping the sweet cider, (God, she missed fountain pop- she would be willing to murder someone for a mountain dew or even a diet coke. Maybe she was starting to understand why Regina as a former Evil Queen had been so angry, willing and able to curse a whole land to Maine: A land of convenience stores).

Regina had enjoyed sharing her cooking with Emma, and if it was up to Regina she would gladly cook every meal for the blonde. She had never craved a friend (potential lover) more than now with Emma. Regina was certain there were many things she could provide that Emma desired, she wasn't ready to share it just yet, until she could fully flesh out the matter of Emma's trust, but she still had connections to the _real_ world, and could fairly easily obtain the items Emma had mentioned that she missed. If anyone could relate, Regina knew the pain of missing those things that she loved most, all too well.

"If you liked that you should stick around and see what's for lunch," Regina enticed, "In fact, I was hoping you'd attend my upcoming full moon ceremony. If you have plans, or can't get away, I understand, but if you're free—"

"Yes! I'll be there," Emma cut her off exuberant in her reply. "Where is it exactly? I'm still kinda bad with directions and wish maps, you know?"

"Not to worry: I'll give you a magical fife to toot; it will bring you right to the spot. Make sure to wear a disguise for _safety_ reasons," Regina winked. _Not normal!_

"Now that that's settled, I was hoping we could talk about something for Henry?" Regina asked hesitant to bring up a sore point, afraid of scaring Emma away, but risking it out of desperation, "Does he ever talk about me?"

"Um…no one talks about you, Regina. It's kinda a taboo topic in the Charming-White household. No offense," Emma glanced quickly at Regina, whose face was contorted into a mask of pain and crushed hope. She didn't really know what to tell her. Henry was thriving here. (His tutor said he was on track to grow into an outstanding bard.) _Whatever the hell that meant._

"I have a gift for him- you don't have to tell him it's from me. Since you are his _true_ mother now, you can say it's from you or even the tooth fairy if you want. I just want him to have it," Regina said, the strain in her voice betraying her feelings.

"Regina- hey, first off: You will _always_ be his mother. Of course I'll take him your gift- what is it?" Emma felt the need to reassure, as she remembered the echoes of Regina's desperate pleas to keep Henry when the townspeople swarmed. Part of the price of the curse was Henry's inability to love her, Emma could see that in hindsight_. Did Regina even deserve love?_ In Emma's eyes, Henry belonged with Regina, more so than he belonged with her, but too much had happened and it would never be possible.

"Do you remember when Henry watched "Austin Powers" even though I had forbid it?" Regina asked, taking Emma aback with a question that seemed to be so far out of left field, she wasn't sure where Regina was headed.

"I remember he said "Yeah, baby" in that annoying voice after every sentence he spoke for about 3 months or more," Emma rolled her eyes at the memory.

"You caught the tail end of his obsession," Regina crossed the room to the back door and came back a minute later delicately cradling something in her arms. Emma stood up to get a closer look. _What the fuck is that?_ Emma could only see a little rat tail curling down between Regina's hands.

"Mr. Bigglesworth!" Regina exclaimed proudly, holding the wrinkly skinned kitten out to her to see, "He begged me for over a year for a cat like Mr. Bigglesworth, and I refused. He never did give up. I found suitable kitten at the exotic market, and I got him because he reminded me of Henry," Regina's cheeks were rosy in embarrassment at voicing her private sentiments out loud.

"Didn't Mr. Bigglesworth belong to Dr. Evil?" Emma asked perplexed.

"Ironic, isn't it?" Regina quipped. Emma reached down to pet the _creepy fuzzy,_ _eh, kinda cute_ sphynx, when the kitten squirmed, its little paws clawing at the air, and Emma managed to stroke Regina's hand instead. Even the miniscule touch was enough to crackle the air, and remind Emma that she had been struck by Regina-flavored lightning. They locked eyes instantly, questioning, leaning closer as if pulled by a magnetic force.

The look of care and affection shining in Regina's eyes for this ugly cat reminded Emma entirely too much of the way she used to dote on Henry. Her face was pained too, almost twisted into a grimace, like she was bearing the burden of a deep loss, and she would crumple at any moment. Emma leaned in closer, wanting nothing more in the world than to take away her pain. Slowly, before she knew or could control her actions, their lips met in a sweet, tender, pain-erasing kiss, while Mr. Bigglesworth witnessed it all.


	6. Chapter 6

When Emma returned home to the palace after her excursion (aka almost-rendezvous) with Regina, it was obvious her absence had been noticed. Knights had been out combing the woods looking for her all day on Snow's orders. Emma maintained that she was fine, and had 'just wanted to get away for a bit', but she was unable to hide her secret smile. It gave her away instantly. (Well, that and the fact that's she'd returned with a hairless kitten for Henry.) Her lie that she had 'found it in the woods' was transparent. Any idiot knew that Sphynx cats weren't native to the Enchanted Forest and the wheels started turning. Not to mention, the gossip and speculation that erupted and spread as hot and permeating as lava to the far ends of the palace- probably throughout the whole kingdom. _Damn it, nosy old Mabel!_

Emma refused to tell anyone what she had been up to. She knew she'd have to face the consequences of her escape, just as she had when she had run off as a teenager from her foster homes- they expected answers that she just couldn't give. Henry, didn't care where it came from, but was in love with his new kitten. As soon as he laid eyes on the little beast he greedily swept him up in his arms and exclaimed in excitement, "Mr. Bigglesworth! Emma, how did you know? He's really mine?"

Emma couldn't tell him that it was Regina who had sent the gift, so Emma remained silent, enjoying his smile and enthusiasm as he stroked the little bald head, and placed his pinky to the corner of his mouth imitating the well-known gesture of Dr. Evil. It was cute how he cracked himself up with the gesture, and Emma made a mental note to describe it in detail for Regina next time she got to see her (if there would be a next time).

Regina had fashioned a sort of baby bjorn carrier for Mr. Biggglesworth to ride in on Emma's journey home, strapped tightly to her torso on horseback. Traveling with a cat is the worst thing ever: his hot little velvet body pressed against her stomach, and razor sharp pin-prick claws had torn at her chest. Every time she looked down he was staring at her with those wide crazy eyes, ears flattened in fear and tongue hanging out amid his panting breaths. But the worst had been his incessant, annoying cries that punctuated every step of the ride: _Rariew! Rariew! Rariew!_ Despite all that, Emma was certain that visiting Regina had been wholeheartedly worth all of the trouble tenfold. (Even the trouble she hadn't gotten into yet).

That was until Snow called her into her parlor, the very next morning: worry sketched on her face. Emma took a deep breath ready for the confrontation, listening as Snow started her lecture, "Emma, you know how much your father, Henry and I love you, but you just can't go sneaking off into the woods without telling anyone. We were worried! You could have been injured or kidnapped- the things that went through my mind, Emma. You can't just go gallivanting around unless you're-unless you're—oh Emma are you?

"Am I what?"

"Oh, if you are- I mean, it's okay, but—your father. Oh, I don't know how he'll react. It's just we're concerned. You're being safe, right? Emma-," Snow was off on a rant and Emma shrunk down in her seat, making herself as invisible as possible as panic seeped into her head. _Snow knew about Regina? Fuck_-_This is bad,_ _her own mother was surely going to execute her._

"I just realized: _the secrecy, _the riding off, the kitten, the smile! I mean I can't say that approve of the fact that you didn't tell me, but I understand and I couldn't be happier! I think it's a good thing!"

"You do?" Emma swallowed hard. This development was unexpected to say the least. _There was no way that Snow could possibly know or approve that her little precious baby girl had spent yesterday morning indulging in half of a finger bang session with her mother's arch nemesis, right? And if she did she wouldn't be acting quite so thrilled about the whole thing, surely?_

"Now Emma, you must tell me who **he** is? Which delightful prince of our realm has started courting you?" Snow practically lunged at Emma placing her outstretched arms around her and pulling her in for a one-sided hug.

Emma was frozen her eyes were wide. _She thinks I'm out dating! Fuck, Regina and I aren't dating –courting, whatever. Are we? Shit, I have to lie…um. _

"Wait no, don't tell me! Let me guess," Snow was out of her mind with excitement, "Oh, I was so worried about your happiness. So afraid when none of the princes seemed to express any interest in you…afraid you might be tainted with the stigma of being the White Knight, breaker of the dark curse- it's very intimidating for a prince when they hear about that."

Emma just sat, listening with a smile as hard as plaster firmly in place_, 'being the white knight is kinda butch and I didn't expect any floofy man-prince was ever gonna wanna tap that.' Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, mom._

"So let's see…" Snow was quiet lost in contemplation for a long moment and then she gasped, "I know who he is! It makes perfect sense! His Royal Highness, Baelocchio: the Wizard of Neverland!"

_Seriously, Baelocchio?_

"Yep, we're crazy about each other- me and _Baelocchio._ Yay!" Emma squeaked, reacting instantly, and snapping her wrist like she was waving a little flag, all while rolling her eyes and letting out a forced exhale.

"Do you think you'll get married?" Snow looked like she expected Emma to break out into a spirited chorus of "Summer Nights" from "Grease." _Tell me more! Tell me more! Was it love at first sight?_

"Uh, too soon to tell, you know we've only seen each other like twice," Emma crinkled her face into a look of terror. _This feeling was beyond awkward._

"Oh, but if it's true love you'll know soon enough! When do we get to meet him? Shall I send word to his kingdom? How nice an alliance would be- I hear he has a beautiful summer palace. I'd like to visit. Ha, make sure there's a room for the mother-in-law! I hear they have mangoes, and blueberries as big as your head, and-"

_Jesus, was the summer palace in a nuclear fall-out zone?_ Emma should have expected Snow to be the type to plot out Emma and her imaginary boyfriend's entire future. (Talk about putting the cart before the _lesbian_ horse.) _Man, she was really focusing on that summer palace- leave it to Snow to fantasize about a timeshare vacation destination._

"Okay, I think that's enough. So you don't mind if I continue to court um, Baelocchio, then? Cause I kinda got invited to go to this event tomorrow night so don't expect me home early," Emma bit her lip waiting for a response.

"Dear, its great- anything you want to do with Baelocchio is fine by me. Your father will want to meet him before anything serious develops of course. Protocol and all that," Snow waved her hand like it was no big deal.

Snow hugged Emma again, and got up to scurry out of the room; presumably to inform her father (and probably to officially announce to the entire Kingdom) that Emma had met a suitable suitor. _Fucking Baelocchio and his damned made-up charms!_ Emma's heart sank, guilt engulfing her. The brutal Regina-shaped truth (if it ever came out) was going to hurt more than she could even imagine.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for so many great reviews! This story was supposed to be a one shot, but I am really enjoying exploring fairy tale land with Emma so I'm going to keep writing this for a while. Please keep the reviews coming as I enjoy the interaction, and am open to suggestion and inspiration!**

Emma stood on her balcony checking herself over to make sure she had everything she needed to join Regina for the 'full moon' ceremony. Her lie that she was meeting up with her new _fabulous_ boyfriend Baelocchio, had given her the freedom to go as she pleased for now (No doubt, she'd have to produce some evidence of this Baelocchio fellow at some point). _Shudder!_

Emma felt ridiculous wearing a heavy, hooded black cloak that she had "borrowed" from the monks at the palace temple, but Regina had said to come in disguise. From the brief mysterious description Regina had given about the ceremony, Emma likened it to a Pagan track and field day, so she attached her coin purse to her belt underneath her cloak. She figured she had better take some cash just in case there was a concession stand so she could get a snack.

Emma had been watching the moon in anxious anticipation all evening as it rose up higher and higher, waiting for it hit a certain point, and the time had finally come. She produced the little wooden flute Regina had given her as her mode of 'transportation' and played the sequence of notes as instructed. (The melody sounded suspiciously like the beginning of "Stairway to Heaven.")

She played it through a couple of times and then her room began to shift and change before her eyes. It started to spinning like she was on a tilt-a-whirl or had imbibed in far too many drinks before lying in bed. She slammed her eyes shut in an effort to quell the nausea, until the spinning stopped and she stumbled forward, realizing she was now standing on soft sand. Opening one eye cautiously, she was almost blinded by the intensity of the moonlight. It took her breath away, huge and looming close, hovering just above the shimmering water that she found she was standing on the edge of.

She was surrounded by many people (and some not so people-like creatures) and it looked and sounded as if they were in the middle of a huge nighttime beach party. There was music that sounded suspiciously like dub step (Certainly, as dub step as one can get with didgeridoos and buzzing fairy wings.) _Skrillex remixed Kate Bush?_ The air was warm, and Emma wished her cloak wasn't so heavy. Also, she noticed that most others were in _costume_ not disguise. _Another fairy tale land fashion faux pas for the win, damn it!_

Emma pulled her hood back just a tad and scanned the crowd looking for Regina, worried she wouldn't be able to recognize her. Then she spotted her across the beach. Her forehead and eyes were covered by an elegant, darkly feathered Carnivale mask, but it definitely her. _Oh, yes!_ Her lips were bright red, accentuating her beautiful pale skin, glowing under the bright moon. Emma's eyes strayed immediately to the ample cleavage on display, showcased by a caped half-dress, her eyes trailing down her tightly corseted waist and- _holy, mother of God_!- The tightest, shiniest black leather pants Emma had ever seen. Her feet moved her forward through the black lava sand toward Regina without any conscious thought besides the desire to get an up close and personal look at that outfit.

She stood a few feet from Regina who was talking with a group of similarly masked women, although, Emma noticed- none were as fine (nor wearing hot leather pants.) When Regina was done speaking, Emma cleared her throat to get her attention. (She didn't want to risk calling her name). Regina walked confidently over and lifted Emma's hood just enough to get a glimpse of her face, a smile forming on her perfect red lips, "Welcome, dear. Can't say that outfit would have been my first choice, but you wear it with aplomb."

Before Emma could point out the subtle yet important difference between _disguises_ and _costumes_, a woman came forward and interrupted them, "So Regina, Who is this?"

Regina turned to the woman giving her a dismissive glance, and ignoring her question, "Why don't you make yourself useful by preparing the corn husks and readying the lambs for sacrifice?" Regina flicked her wrist in the direction of the lambs (presumably).

The woman's face sprouted into a pouty smile, ignoring Regina, and turning to Emma, "Hello, I'm Maleficent, and you are?"

"There will be time for introductions later," Regina interrupted, pushing Maleficent's outstretched hand away, and stepping closer to Emma. _So possessive, so hot!_

_The Maleficent! Wait, Maleficent wasn't blonde in the Disney version! Holy shit! She should have figured that the Evil Queen and Maleficent would be homies. _Emma felt a bit starstruck each time she met some new fairy tale character. It was like meeting Britney Spears or Burt Reynolds- _huge!_

Regina was already clasping Emma's arm through hers and leading her away and into the crowd. As they walked, Emma gaped at the sights and festivities surrounding them (as much as she could with the stupid hood half-blocking her view). The atmosphere was akin to attending a Goth fest/football game. As they walked past the 'vendor' area, a freaky furry guy hollered, "Hot and ready pterodactyl foot on a stick, slow roasted and smoked by baby dragon breath, just how you like it!" _Well, at least she was right about the concessions._

Walking up to one of the tents, Regina ordered two mugs of ale and handed one to Emma. _Smells like piss! _Upon seeing Emma's look of disgust, Regina took the drink from her, "let me."

Regina waved her hand over the cup and then swirled her finger in it, Emma looked at her like she was nuts (per usual), but when she finished doctoring it up, the liquid was cold, and a nice frothy head of carbonation bubbled up. Emma sipped it tentatively. _Aww, tastes just like refreshing Budweiser! _

"Did you have any trouble getting here?" Regina asked in her nonplussed way, as though they weren't surrounded by lizard men and Cyclopes.

"It all went according to plan," Emma shrugged casually, opting to leave the whole Baelocchio fiasco story for another time and place.

"Come then, the game will be getting underway," Regina helped Emma climb up a steep sand dune which overlooked the long oblong playing field. Emma promptly tripped over her stupid long cloak as her feet struggled to find hold in the soft sand, but Regina gracefully held on to her so she didn't fall.

"Why didn't you tell me this was a masquerade? I would have worn something more appropriate. I only wore this because I thought you didn't want anyone to recognize me for safety," Emma hissed as they reached a spot near the top and sat close together, legs touching.

Regina just laughed in the mirthless way that was her custom, "It **is** a matter of safety, just not yours. If you were dressed provocatively and received attention from anyone, I would have no choice but to vanquish that unfortunate soul, you see?"

Judging from Regina's possessive posture earlier, Emma assumed that comment was Regina-speak for "I'll kick anyone's ass if they so much as look at you." _ So possessive, so hot!… and oddly comforting._

They turned their attention to the game at hand as a team of large gladiator looking man monsters entered the field and started playing some primitive Mayan-esque exceedingly violent ball game. Emma caught on quickly as Regina explained the rules and the casual fact that the winning team is sacrificed and thrown into the bottom of a deep well. _They don't fuck around in Fairy Tale Land!_

The stench of pterodactyl foot wafting through the air almost smelled like roasted peanuts, hobgoblin spectators cheered on the game, and with the moonlight flooding the field like stadium lights: Emma let her imagination take over. She could have just as easily been back in Boston attending a Red Sox game at Fenway Park with Regina by her side. She took another drink of her brew, and reached out to place a hand on Regina's leather clad thigh, taking satisfaction that Regina didn't shy away, but actually wrapped an arm around her shoulder pulling her closer. For the first time, she felt at home.


	8. Chapter 8

All too soon, a loud bird shrieked announcing the winning team had been decided. Regina turned to Emma, "It's time for my coven's portion of the ceremony, come down closer so you can get a better view."

They walked down front, stepping out of the way as the injured players were carried from the field. Emma took a seat as Regina joined the other members of her coven who were gathered in a far corner.

Regina and the other witches soared like ninjas onto the field, and began to synchronize their movements. They divided into four groups signifying the elements. _Bring it on meets The Craft!_

Simultaneously, they all began to manipulate their respective elements in what would forever be known in Emma's mind as the greatest show she'd ever seen. _Better than Madonna's super bowl performance!_

Regina stood front and center, legs wide, and arms outstretched, and with a flick of her wrist fireballs appeared in each of her hands, she tossed them into the air and Maleficent conjured up wind by circling her hand, catching the fire in midair and swirling and stretching it into a giant tornado made of flame. The witch controlling water shot multiple streams of varying heights into the sky reminiscent of the water show at the Bellagio in Vegas.(The witch representing earth kinda got the raw end of the deal-_ lame! _ Emma watched her shape animals out of mud and flowers like a balloon twister at a kiddie carnival.)

Regina, however, looked all sorts of badass, taking on various power stances and shooting fireworks in all directions. Maleficent sent a carpet of purple wind which lifted them all off the ground like superheroes. Spinning and circling around them in trails of fire, water, wind…and earth. Spheres of fire and water melded and spread into the sky casting a sparkling shimmering net over the crowd. _Fucking cool and better than that time at Burning Man on acid!_

Emma felt warmth spreading through her chest and recognized the feeling as pride. _This must be what it's like to date the head cheerleader of the Dallas , pretty sure Regina would never be mistaken for a cheerleader._

When the witches finished, Emma practically stormed the field. She ran breathless to Regina, gushing in excitement, "That was fucking awesome! Aren't you hot?"

Regina snickered and leaned in close, "wouldn't you like to know?"

Emma blushed, becoming aware of her enthusiasm, but curiously stroked Regina's hand, finding it cool to the touch. _Woman was just on fire!_

"Let's take a walk away from all of this noise, shall we?" Regina started toward the beach and Emma followed, brimming with questions.

"How did you do that? Why did you do that?" Emma asked, walking next to Regina as they headed closer to the water which was softly lapping at the shore.

"The laws of nature in this world are not the same as you've become accustomed to. We run on a nature based economy of sorts, and there are requirements that must be fulfilled in order to continue to run smoothly," Regina calmly explained, sound every bit the public administrator she born to be, "Everyone has an important role to play: sacrifice, ceremony, blending of the elements. These are all essential components to insure a bountiful harvest, avoid drought, and increase fertility. Being a witch on the high council is somewhat like being the mayor of Storybrooke. Albeit, I'm not Queen anymore but I still have my place."

"Sounds like a tall order," Emma said trying to relate and understand the ways of this world.

As they neared an outstretch of rock, jutting from the beach, the sky above the water filled with twinkles and sprays of multicolored lights shooting across the sky in a fantastic display of beauty that Disney would kill for.

"Is that a meteor shower?" Emma asked looking up in awe as the lights rained down into the water.

"Those are the fairies seeding the ocean," Regina answered as she sat down on the beach reclining against a smooth rock, "Come, let's sit for a spell and watch them work."

Emma fumbled with the sleeves of her cloak, looking around to confirm that they were alone and out of view. She sunk swiftly down on Regina's lap, as her cloak bunched into a puddle of fabric around their legs. Regina pushed the hood from Emma's head and let her fingers tenderly brush back and forth through her soft golden hair. She shut her eyes, basking in the comforting touch- fairies forgotten.

Regina cocked her head to the side, eyes warm and a smile on her lips, "I like showing you how things are in my land."

_This little field trip had certainly been an eye opener._ "I like it too. I mean I like how **you** are here."

"Am I so different?" Regina feigned a pout, plumping her bottom lip. (a little show for Emma's benefit.)

"Well, yeah…you're calmer, less bitchy…No offense," Emma said, her voice lilting in jest, "I mean in Storybrooke you were always running around and insult—"

Regina interrupted her by pressing a finger to her lips, "I think we've established enough differences. Now how about we close the discussion portion of the evening?"

She promptly replaced her finger with a kiss, and Emma bent down to kiss her back forcefully. Regina slid down the rock and onto her back enjoying the pleasant weight of Emma on top of her. Emma let her hands travel to Regina's waist, running her palms over the tight, smooth leather stretched over her hips. She wanted to feel her skin. _How the hell will I manage to ever get her out of these hot ass pants and this fucking boa constrictor of a corset? _

Regina shifted her leg, planting it firmly between Emma's, pleased to hear Emma moan as she connected right where she intended. Emma's own wardrobe posed similar problems; the baggy, cumbersome, cloak was impeding Regina's desire to touch Emma's body. She was just about to say 'fuck it' and use magic to make the whole outfit disappear. Regina was just thinking about the prospect of Emma delivered on top of her naked and wanting, when Emma started to fade and flicker before her.

Emma broke their kiss, eyes snapping up to meet Regina's in worry, the beach around her began to spin all too familiarly. She felt herself being pulled away from Regina's warm body, and (sadly) from the sexy thigh that she had been had been pleasantly rocking her hips against.

"The flute enchantment is wearing off!" Regina growled as Emma slipped out of sight for the final time.

Emma opened her eyes, feeling dizzy and unfulfilled. Regina was gone and so was the beach. She was on her hands and knees on the cold stone of her bedroom floor. She heard her guard clamoring up behind her, "Your majesty, you've returned! How was your date with his royal highness, fair Baelocchio?"

Emma scowled as she heard her guard's lurid and smarmy tone, as if he had any business asking hers, "I'm going to sleep, Cooper. Keep your armor from clanking around. It sounds like a goddamned wind chime half the time," she muttered back angrily, untangling her cloak and shedding it once and for all.

Emma couldn't see the look of shock on her guard's face due to his mask, not that she would have looked at him anyway. Cooper had noticed the bright red lip print from Regina staining the Princess's cheek, and didn't know what to make of it.

Emma stomped over to her bed, ignoring Mabel's greetings of return. _Living with guards and servants is like living with cameras for a reality show, but she hadn't signed up for this. She hated the attention; she'd never be Snooki!_

With nothing left to hold onto, but tingling kiss bruised lips, and the memory of Regina's body pressed tightly against hers, Emma collapsed into bed, exhausted and flustered. She let tears of frustration; anxiety and joy mingle together and leak silently from her eyes. Her last thought before falling asleep was that she now knew wholeheartedly that she was falling for Regina, and the only certainty was that the landing wouldn't be soft.


	9. Chapter 9

From the moment Emma woke up she knew her day was going to drag, and did it ever. She moped around the castle on an exploration with Henry, and while she enjoyed spending time with him she just couldn't bring herself to care about the indigenous flora and fauna. She had avoided Snow all day, which wasn't difficult due to castle's sheer size, but she couldn't risk any uncomfortable questions being tossed at her regarding her date with "Baelocchio."

It wasn't until that evening, when she was getting ready for bed that her day finally got interesting. She heard a chirp coming from her balcony and found a carrier pigeon with a little scroll tied to his foot. She unwound it and squinted to read the fine writing:

_Distract your guards and stand in front of your mirror. –R_

Emma went back inside her room and told her guard and attendant that she thought she heard something suspicious in the hallway and asked If they could go check it out for her. They both ran out the door in pursuit, and she heaved the heavy wooden bar in place to lock the door. She went to her mirror and stood staring at her own reflection for a few minutes, and realized she knew the Evil Queen in Snow White story had a magic mirror which had turned out to be Sidney Glass in Storybrooke, but did she still have it? Emma wasn't sure how this worked. The thought crossed her mind that perhaps Regina could see her, but Emma wouldn't be able to see her back. _Act casual, Swan. She's probably laughing at your ass. _Emma gave a little wave_.- weirdo!_

Regina really did show up in her mirror, wearing a black silk robe, and looking very much her natural sexy self. Emma felt relieved.

"You got my message. I saw you wave by the way," Regina laughed, "I was just watching you for a few minutes before I revealed myself, just to see what you would do."

"Great, thanks. Hi there," Emma had never liked talking to video cameras and for some reason this felt like that. She didn't know what to say and she felt stupid.

"What are you wearing?" Regina arched her neck and tried to check Emma out. Apparently, Emma wasn't the only one who was left feeling unfulfilled by the abrupt end to their time together last night. _Sexy mirror-time Skype chat. Sign me up!_

Honestly, Emma was about to go crazy if she didn't have sex soon. _Like full out claw the walls cray cray. _Emma arched an eyebrow and feeling frisky asked, "If you were here with me right now what would you do with me?"

Regina's eyes widened slightly and she licked her lips, "So many things, dear, so many unspeakable things."

"Yeah? I wish you were here to touch me, and make love to me," Emma replied raking her hands up and down her sides, she was going for webcam corny, but it apparently had some resonance with Regina because her only reply was, "Okay."

Regina faded from sight in a puff of purple smoke and reappeared a second later standing in the real live flesh in Emma's room. Emma stumbled backward in shock and fell on the bed. Regina advanced forward, stalking toward her and untying her robe as she came closer.

"Oh my God, you're actually here!" Emma gasped, a whirlwind of emotion enveloping here: excitement, horniness (obviously) fear, and amazement.

Then Emma heard the fierce pounding on her door. Time was up and her guard was back, and from the sound of it he had brought along her mom, "Emma! Are you okay? What's going on in there?"

"Should I go?" Regina asked, knowing she was taking a huge risk being there.

"Don't you dare go anywhere! Just give me a minute to handle this," Emma said frantically running to her door. _Gonna cut someone if this doesn't happen tonight. _

Emma slid just the little arched peephole open on the door and looked out, "I'm fine, I just need an hour." _Or two…or all night._

"The guards came to get me right away! They said you heard something and kicked them out. What's going on?" Snow asked her panic rising.

"Nothing…I just need some privacy," Emma was blushing and Snow could see it even through the small window in the door.

"Oh my God! You've got Baelocchio in there, don't you? Let me meet him. I'll go and get James!" Snow exclaimed about to run off.

"Wait, yes…Baelocchio is here, but he's shy and I don't really think anyone needs to meet tonight…like this," Emma lied in an effort to get Snow to go away and leave her be.

"He's really here? I didn't know he was coming. Emma, you really shouldn't have a man over to your bedchamber, it's not proper. Why is he here? How did he get in?" Snow's excitement was starting to give way to suspicion.

"Uh, he wanted to see me, but it's fine- he just came in the back way," Emma gritted her teeth, cringing at the blatant lie.

Snow was silent, turning things over in her mind and then she blurted, "Oh, Emma—Oh! You shouldn't let him do that, it's just not-"

Snow looked like she was going to faint.

"No, no, no- Oh my God, no- not like-the back **stair** way, Jesus! Just trust me. It's fine. We just need an hour of privacy," Emma corrected, now horrified at the conversation she was holding with her _mother._

Snow composed herself and took a deep breath, "Emma, I trust you. I can't let anything to happen to you, I lost you for so long. Missed out on so much, but if you really think this is best, well, I'm okay with it."

"Thank you," Emma said sincerely relieved.

"But the guards and attendants will be standing **right** outside your door and at the slightest sound of distress they will barge in the room to check on you. So don't forget they will be standing right outside, listening intently. Just holler if you need anything!" Snow said nodding her head firmly signaling that this arrangement was not up for debate.

_Great, this is going to be just awesome. _

"Whatever. Fine," Emma agreed just to get Snow to go away and leave her in peace.

"They're here to protect you. Remember that," Snow said before taking one more worried glance at Emma and turning around to head back to her room.

Emma slammed the peephole shut and ran back to find Regina who had been hiding out in the bathroom. _Damn palace has so much open space and no closets!_

Emma grabbed Regina's hand and led her over to the bed without a word, threw her down, and promptly crawled on top of her, "We have to be quiet. Very quiet."

"I can't make any promises," Regina muttered not wasting any time in ripping at Emma's white nightgown, and pulling it. They started kissing, but that only lasted for a minute, before Regina changed their positions, flipping on top her. She kissed her way down Emma's body, and stopped when she saw Emma's white granny panties, chuckling softly.

Emma had already been lost in arousal at the prospect of what Regina was planning to do to her. She looked down at Regina's laugh, and saw her toying with her full coverage underwear.

"What? Sorry I haven't made it out to the Fairy Tale Land Victoria's Secret franchise yet. Just take them off! Please," Emma added remembering to lower her voice.

Regina pulled them off of her legs, clutched at Emma's hips and began to lick and nip at the heated skin between her thighs. Emma's hips began to buck on their own accord as soon as she felt Regina's soft pretty lips exploring her intimately. _Oh, fuck! Lesbian Sorceress! Do me!_

Emma came almost instantly, letting out a loud cry, "Oh, Fuck Re-" She caught herself mid-scream almost too late, "Oh, Baelocchio!"

Regina paused looking up toward Emma's heaving chest in concern, "Sorry, what did you just say?"

"Never mind! Don't stop, I'm going to come again!" Emma struggled to get her words out as Regina went back to work.

Outside the door, the guards stood awkwardly listening to the bed squeak and their sweet Princess Emma crying out in ragged pleasure. The woman they'd sworn to protect with their own lives was having some wild sex.

"Um, should we go in?" Cooper asked the other guard.

"She doesn't sound like she's in distress," The other guard said shrugging, and listening to Emma make more noise. "I think she just told His Royal Highness Baelocchio he has a set of 'wicked titties'?"

"He also wears lipstick, I've seen his kiss on her cheek," Cooper gossiped, as both tried to turn their attention away from the noises coming from within the room.

Now Emma, satisfied but eager to return the favor, was on top of Regina sucking her nipples and working her fingers in and out of her pulling moans and yips from Regina's open lips.

When the guards heard a second and distinct overtly feminine voice screaming, they became more concerned, "Is that _him_?"

After their energetic round of sex, Emma and Regina collapsed (sweaty and content) back onto the bed. Regina stretched and leaned into Emma clasping her hands around her arm, "Oh my, dear you really needed that. I thought I was going to drown down there for a second."

Emma s swatted at her playfully, "shut up, just let me relax for a second and then we can go again." _Never gonna have enough of that!_

Before they had the chance, the guards were knocking at the door, "Princess, it's been an hour? We were ordered to come in now."

Emma let out a sound of disgust, and clung onto Regina, "I don't want you to go!"

Regina kissed her once more, promising to see her again soon, just as the guards burst through the door. They discovered Emma stretched out, naked and glowing, alone on her bed, and a billow of violet colored, lavender scented, hazy smoke drifting and floating all around her.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: The song Emma hums is Queen's of the Stone Age, "Burn the Witch." There shouldn't be much delay before the next chapter. I'm cranking it out.**

Awakening from the best damned sleep she'd had in ages, Emma stretched gracefully. She couldn't contain her joy. She felt light and elated. _Hive five for Orgasms_. She started humming a half forgotten song stuck in her head. Without her Ipod, and no steady stream of radio to get her music fix, she had to resort to only singing songs in her mind. Emma tried not to dwell on the likely prospect she would never hear pop music again. Admittedly, she hadn't searched far, but the fiddles and tree stumpy down homey sounds of Fairy Tale Land didn't appeal to her.

Little beats and fragments of the catchy song frustrated her to no end. _She didn't want to live in a world without youtube._ _Bomp bomp la la la, holding hands, skipping like a stone. _She was bouncy and the jubilant as she got ready for what was sure to be an awkward breakfast with _mom_ and _pop_. She knew Snow would have plenty of uncomfortable questions for Emma to attempt to avoid. _Fan the flames with a little lie, bomp bomp, da da da._

Emma's first thought when she was fully awake, was to figure out how she could see Regina today. She had hoped that finally having sex would quell the intense desire she had for the woman, but it only made it that much stronger. She wanted her worse than before. It was cruel how that worked. As she splashed out the beat of the song in her bath, a thought occurred to her, "Mabel, can you find me something nice to wear and maybe do my make up today?"

"Yes, Princess, you want something with a high neck? Something to cover that ugly mark?" Mabel frowned in disapproval at what Emma could only imagine was the monster hickey Regina had left on her neck. _Oh, Mabel, you judgmental bitch._

"Nah, something low cut and make up for my face," Emma paused and then looked slyly at Mabel, and just to provoke a reaction added, "I think I'll go see Baelocchio today and I want to look nice for him." _Bomp bomp la la la, ask yourself, will I burn in hell?_ Emma shot her a cutting look that dared her to make a comment.

"Certainly…" Mabel trailed off, shaking her head as she left the room in search of something suitable.

Rising from her bath, Emma felt another thrill of excitement at the newfound hope of seeing Regina again. She was completely unable to help herself from thinking about her. _She was turning into one of those girls: too attached. _As she got ready, she recalled her short lived Goth phase when she was a young teen. She was living in a particularly Christian oriented foster home. On her first day there, her foster mother took her shopping. Emma had been so excited for new clothes, until her foster mother sent her to the dressing her with armloads of pastel colored and floral patterned dresses.

First days at new schools were always awkward, especially when dressed like a castoff from "Little House on the Prairie." Sitting alone at lunch, and looking around to all the cliques she realized that everywhere she went everyone was the same. Her eyes lingered on the Goth kids. The style appealed to her budding need to rebel. A girl with jet black hair, wearing black fishnets, silver chained black mesh top, and an evil smirk, approached her. Emma thought she was going to start a fight or ridicule her, but she didn't. She was nice and just wanted to talk. People showing kindness for Emma usually was met with suspicion, but she was desperate to make a friend, and it didn't take long before they were inseparable.

After saving their lunch money for weeks, Emma and Sorrow (her name was actually Sarah_-silly Goths_) went to the drug store and bought cheap boxed hair dye and 99 cent black makeup. Back at Sorrow's house, they did their hair. Neither of them knew what they were doing. Even now, Emma could still smell the strong nauseating scent of bleach choking them in the small bathroom. Sorrow bleached her hair into an orange tinted blonde, and Emma dyed her blonde hair black with a $3.99 color kit that left blond patches and faded a week later to an icky dry shade of green. But with freshly dyed hair, and a face full of chalky black eyeliner that Sorrow had scraped down her eyelids, Emma looked in mirror and didn't recognize herself. It was the most liberating feeling she had ever experienced.

She had always longed to be someone else and here she was: something other. Sorrow stood back admiring her handiwork, yammering on about all the piercings she wanted to get, while tears streaked the globs of mascara and glitter eye shadow down Emma's cheeks. When Sorrow had pressed her black painted lips to Emma's, it had started off as a sweet gesture to comfort her, but quickly turned heated when Emma kissed back. _Sorrow was probably the root of the Regina attraction-hot witches would forever be her weakness_

Emma's new attitude and budding lesbianism had only lasted until she got back to her foster home. Her foster mother took one look at her and practically dragged her to the bathroom, screaming ignorantly about evil and witchcraft, and scrubbing Emma's face with a bar of ivory soap that stung her eyes and left her cheeks red and raw. Emma didn't stay in that home for long, and although she promised Sorrow she'd stay in touch. She never did. Not with her and not with anyone; always an outcast even among the misfits. _If only she'd had Facebook back then, life might have been different, sigh._

Emma dressed in a pretty blue gown, and Mabel mixed up some fruit pigmented makeup beet paste, applying some subtle matching eye shadow while Emma contemplated the nature of evil, identity, and hoped Snow wouldn't scrub her face with soap. _Burn the witch, burn to ash and bone...bomp bomp da da da_

"Emma! Did you sleep well?" Snow asked, as Emma took her seat at the table. James nodded in greeting, but shoved a heaping spoonful of porridge into his mouth. Emma noticed his face was a bit red. _He probably wasn't prepared for the hickey. _

"Yes, I slept great," Emma shrugged, knowing Snow wasn't even close to done fishing for tidbits.

"James and I were hoping to meet your gentlemen… he couldn't be bothered to spend the night?" Snow's eyes were trained on Emma's face looking for clues.

"He slipped out," Emma offered, filling her mouth for an excuse not to talk.

"The back way?" James piped in, sounding a bit angry in his assertion.

Emma almost choked on her oatmeal, sputtering and coughing. Before she could recover, Snow jumped in with some exciting news.

"So…since things are apparently getting serious with his royal highness, Baelocchio Wizard of Neverland, I wrote his court a formal letter to introduce our kingdom and start the process of our alliance. May it last a thousand years!"

"You didn't?" Emma asked worriedly. _Fuck, hopefully the carrier pigeon gets eaten by a hawk._

"Yes, it's being hand delivered to Baelocchio directly. Hopefully, we'll soon have word for a wedding date!" Snow clapped her hands in excitement, only stopping when she saw the look of horror on Emma's face.

"_Wedding_…" Emma was getting angry; she pushed back her chair and stood up, "look this is my business and my business only. I'm not ready for a _marriage_. I hardly know…the guy…, and you need to take a step back and get out of it!"

Taken aback, Snow's hands shot up to cover her face in shock. James ran over to comfort her, but looked at Emma, "Don't you hurt your mother like that. She has only your happiness in mind."

"No, she has the kingdom in mind. Not me. Snow, I love you and I promise to inform you of any developments, but cross a wedding off of your list, because that is definitely not going to happen."

Emma fought back her tears, surprised by her own outburst, but there was only so much she could take. _Shit just got real on the Baelocchio front._

Emma started to tremble; she needed to talk to Regina. She needed her help to solve this problem. She left the room, and headed straight for the stable. _Saddle up and ride._


	11. Chapter 11

The cobbled road to the market jostled Regina and Maleficent as they rode along on their horse and trap. They carried children's toys, fruits and plants to sell to the villagers. Regina enjoyed going to the market as a way to get out of the house without being recognized. They would both disguise themselves as old women and withhold toys from children; it was wholesome entertainment. Maleficent was currently turned around and feeding another mouse to her carnivorous plant, affectionately named Audrey II. The plant gulped down the mouse, and burped heartily sticky tongue sweeping over its lips.

Maleficent grimaced at it, and faced forward, "I hope I sell that thing today, it never shuts up. At first it was cute, but I can only take so many show tunes. So Regina, you were looking awfully cozy with your little cloaked friend at the gathering. Have you seen any more of your new paramour?"

"Yes, last night actually. Thanks for asking," Regina turned her head so Maleficent couldn't see the way her face lit up when she recalled the memory of Emma's face rapt with passion.

Maleficent's interest was piqued, and she pressed Regina for more, "I see. So who is _she_?"

"I'd rather not say," Regina straightened her back and focused on the road, but Maleficent could read her as easily as her scrying glass.

"My you do seem smitten, Regina dear. Please tell me more," Maleficent drawled leaning closer.

Regina took a deep breath and against her better judgment, she spoke, "She sought me out. Even with cloaking spells surrounding my cottage, she found me easily. Isn't that odd?"

Maleficent scanned Regina's face, "Yes, interesting. You knew her…back before the curse ended?"

"Yes, of course she was the-" Regina clamped her mouth shut, not sure she could actually trust Maleficent with more. The witch was her friend, but they had a long history of back stabbing and black mail.

She had already said too much, and a flicker of recognition sparked in Maleficent's mind, "The Sheriff! The White knight, breaker of the curse! The Charming's _Princess_!"

"The mother of my son," Regina added glumly, biting her lip.

"Regina you dangerous dog, you certainly know how to stick your fingers in pie. Wow!" Maleficent arched her eyebrows as the information sunk in.

"Don't get too excited about it, and don't you dare go telling your little spell club. Last thing I need is word getting out," Regina hissed, hunching her shoulders and fearing it was a mistake telling her.

"Lips are sealed, dear. I've heard a few things about your Princess. Isn't she is betrothed to another? You need to be careful, Regina. I've warned you before," Maleficent lowered her voice and shook her head.

"Betrothed? Exactly where did you hear that?" Regina's pulse began to quicken in a mixture of worry and curiosity.

"I heard it the other day, during bewitching hour at the pub, from that ruthless skank: Tinkerbelle. You know her- she gets a drop of wine in her and turns into a regular chatterbox. Couldn't even hold her fairy dust. A real shame if you ask me," Maleficent gossiped freely as Regina's expression slowly darkened.

"And who is she supposedly engaged to?" Regina was now seething, unable to quell the hurt seeping into her voice.

"Why Baelocchio, the Wizard of Neverland it would seem. I heard that the Charming's are ecstatic. It would be quite an alliance between the realms if it pans out. Everyone is already talking about it," Maleficent informed Regina, who doubled over like she had just been stabbed in the chest.

"Baelocchio? But I thought he was-?"

"An avid climber of Jack's beanstalk? So I thought," Maleficent made an obscene motion with her hand.

"But Emma, she-," Regina's head was spinning, tears threatening to pool and spill.

"Prefers the flavor of _your_ pie?" Maleficent smirked callously, "stranger things have happened."

"Will you stop with the euphemisms, please? I'm…not sure what to think about this," Regina attempted to pull herself together, as they drew closer to the market.

"You need to approach this with caution. Last time someone hurt your feelings, I ended up spending 28 years rehabilitating wounded birds at the Storybrooke Raptor rescue. I'm not going back to clean up bird shit, so think wisely," Maleficent's tone turned serious, "What exactly do you hope to gain courting the daughter of the Charming's? Do you _still_ harbor resentment? You need to cut all ties with that family and just live your life, let it go. Let all of it go, Emma and Henry included."

"This isn't some scheme for power. It may have crossed my mind at the beginning when Emma first came to me, but-I actually care for her and she has my son. I need to think. I need to talk to her," Regina tried to push down the unwanted feelings that were overwhelming her, and damning herself for sharing so many of her feelings.

"My advice: cut it off. You don't need to stir the cauldron. Stay away from her and let her marry Baelocchio. He'd make her life a whole lot easier, and be good for the kingdom. You know I'm right, but whether you choose to listen: that's up to you. Now, drink your gypsy tears and get your hag face on, we have shit to sell."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hold my hand and I'll lead you through the dark forest of angst and into the clearing.**

Emma had arrived at Regina's cottage in a good mood, but it quickly evaporated when she discovered her door was locked. She knocked several times, and walked around to the back, hoping she'd be in her pond or tending her garden. She wasn't home. Emma decided to wait for her, and after an indeterminable amount of time the wind kicked up, the sky darkened, and rain started to pour. _Where was the hell was the Doppler radar storm alert_? She thought about giving up and riding home, but she really needed to see Regina. She led her horse back to Regina's small stable for shelter, and then went back to wait on Regina's step, not caring about the rain.

Maleficent finally dropped Regina off after their dismal day at the market. Regina had not even enjoyed the bartering, and the turnout of people was low due to the storm. She was walking up the path to her door when she saw Emma. She was stooped on the step, soaked to the bone, wearing a hideous dress, and shivering. Her first instinct was to get her inside and get her warm.

"Princess, what are you doing here?" Regina asked quietly, rousing Emma from her thoughts.

Emma looked up at the sound of Regina's voice, her eyes brightening, "I needed to see you, please? You know you don't have to call me _Princess_."

"I think you'd better come inside, and get out of that ridiculous dress. You look like your mother," Regina nodded, looking her up and down, although she noted with appreciation that the dress was practically see through from the rain. Regina unlocked the door with the flick of her wrist.

"I wanted to look nice…for you, and what are you wearing?" Emma's face flushed red at the embarrassing admission, as she hurriedly followed Regina into the warm house. _Had Regina been out filming a Gogol Bordello video?_

"You don't need to dress up for me. You're beautiful, and truth be told, I'd prefer any one of your old colorful leather jackets to _that._

_Oh, God what had she been thinking? Never really could pull off dresses anyway. _

"Thank you for coming last night," Emma said awkwardly. Regina seemed a bit different today, and the relaxed intimate dynamic of their lust crazed night was now an uneasy quiet. Emma pulled off her wet dress and hung it on the back of a chair, wrapping herself in the warm blanket that Regina held out to her.

"You must have been waiting for me for some time, dear. I was at the market. Would you like something to eat?" Regina smoothed her billowy skirt and looked everywhere but at Emma, her old polite old habits kicking in.

"No, thank you. I need to tell you something," Emma was worried about how Regina would react, and she didn't quite know how to drop the Baelocchio bombshell. She'd seen Regina fly off the handle at much less provocation. _She was so gonna fuck it up. She already had._

"Yes, I suppose we should talk. Come sit," Regina motioned her to the small, worn in, love seat in what passed for the living room. As Regina followed she felt like she was marching to her doom as thoughts raced through her head.

Emma sat down and Regina stood in front of her, hugging her chest, and looking downward. Emma had no idea where to start, and Regina was freaking her out.

"Um…your magic? Do you have the power to transform into a man by any chance?" Emma cringed at her own words, but was clinging to the hope that Regina could actually pretend to be Baelocchio to appease her mother. _Best she could come up with._

Regina was wearing an expression of confusion, "Well, it can be done I suppose. I don't know with what success. There's a high price to pay, I can tell you that much," Regina paused taking in Emma's crestfallen face, "Emma, if that's what you want- I do have a nice strap-on made of a curved tusk, we could try it if…"

_Oh, she so would._

"No! I mean- yeah, that sounds mmm," Emma stammered, aroused by the mere thought of Regina's proposal, "I didn't want my parents to know I was seeing you so they somehow got it in their heads that I'm courting a man- a Wizard—"

"Baelocchio?" Regina almost choked on the name.

"Yeah, you already know?" Emma breathed.

"Well, you did call out his name when you came last night. I just thought it was a kink, but I heard the gossip, something about an engagement?" Regina's voice cracked and her eyebrows crinkled as she forced out the question.

"Ugh, it's not real…Snow and Charming want to believe it, and they know I've been seeing someone. They blew it way out of proportion. I told them off today though," Emma shook her head and chanced a glance at Regina.

"Did you?" Regina smiled a bit at that and sat down next to Emma moving close. She settled under the blanket and immediately placed her hand on Emma's bare thigh. She was feeling much better about the situation, and now felt foolish for listening to Maleficent.

"Yeah, but it's a problem. I think the whole kingdom is expecting an alliance between our realms," Emma hung her head.

Regina retracted her hand and said with a slight edgy bitterness, "Inter-realm dating? How controversial. How do I know you're telling the truth? How do I know you're not manipulating me?"

"Regina, I—wouldn't do that to you. I care for you very much," Emma coughed out the words, worried Regina wouldn't believe her.

"I don't know. I hear good old Baelocchio has a very long…" Regina started teasingly, drawing circles up Emma's thigh once again. Regina had pressed the matter just to hear Emma admit she cared for her. She knew she was telling the truth, this sounded exactly like the kind of problem Emma would make for herself.

"Shut up!" Emma saw that she was kidding, and smiled brightly.

"…Nose. I was going to say 'nose'," Regina sneered gleefully at Emma's reaction.

"Yeah, you think? Well, maybe I should check him out, but first I'd like to get you out of this old lady dress. You smell like mothballs," Emma snaked her hand down the waistband of the dress, placing her palm against Regina's smooth, warm belly.

"Oh, you didn't get enough last night?" Regina asked even as she waved her hand and the dress disappeared.

"Nuh uh," Emma pouted, suddenly feeling much better about the whole situation, especially now that Regina and she were both naked. She casually straddled Regina's lap, wrapping the blanket around her like a cape, and slid closer meeting Regina's lips with her own. They kissed hotly, lips smacking softly and light breathy gasps the only sounds filling the room.

Emma pulled back and met Regina's eyes, "We haven't solved my problem though."

"We can solve it later. Right now, I have a trick to show you," Regina muttered against her neck, sucking on her pulse point, lathing her tongue gently over the pronounced bruise she had created. Regina relaxed under Emma, shifting forward a bit, and letting her hands walk across her body. She smoothed over her back and down to her hips, shifting her slightly so that she was pressed firmly into Regina's thigh. _Thank God there are no guards pounding at the door this time. _

"Give me your finger," Regina panted.

_That's a bit crude, but oh well. _Emma rested her head on Regina's shoulder and placed her hand where Regina wanted, confused when she felt her chest shake with laughter, "Here, give me your finger, here."

Regina grasped Emma's hand in hers and pressed their index fingers together giving Emma a sly michievious wink at her confusion. _What the hell?_

Soon she felt a strange pulsing in her finger almost as if it was vibrating, and Regina's was doing the same. Emma got the hint when Regina reached down and circled her clit with her vibrating finger. _Magic is fun and safe!_

Emma did likewise for Regina who started rocking into her hand instantly. They played with each other, teasing with pressure and circles, until Emma bit down on Regina's shoulder coming against her, and Regina followed a moment later, the poor worn couch scratching against the floor. Emma nuzzled Regina's neck in affection as they stilled their movements. Regina reveled in the light scent of her still damp hair as it splayed out cross her hot skin. _Damn woman knows how to gratify and satisfy, tease and please. _

They held each other for a long moment, almost falling asleep, until Emma awoke, startled that she had completely lost track of the time, "I've got to go- it's late!"

Regina pulled her back down against her when Emma attempted to stand up, not willing to lose the feeling of warmth and weight against her, "Yes, it is late, and there is no way I am going to let you ride home in the dark at this hour during a storm."

"But they'll be looking for me, they'll worry. I didn't exactly leave this morning on good terms."

"They will have more reason to worry, when you get lost in the woods and end up half-way to Oz. The woods are dangerous. Besides, I thought we were having a nice evening?" Regina purred the last part of the sentence right in Emma's ear, "I have a couple more surprises for you. That is, if you stay with me tonight."

"Like what?" Emma's curiosity was piqued and she knew Regina was right. She didn't want to go back home anyway. She didn't want her family to worry, but she knew she was safest right where she was. At least living in a world without phones was a good excuse on why she couldn't call.

"Hungry?" Regina reluctantly rose from her spot on the couch, sauntering to her kitchen and tying an apron around her waist... _Topless cooking, yum._

"Always," Emma watched with rapt fascination as Regina washed her hands and started cooking. She grabbed a mug and poured some powders and liquids into it, and then sealed it with a little magic and handed it to Emma with a proud smile.

Emma took a deep drink and her face lit with recognition and pleasure, "Coke!" _Regina must have ordered from Fairytale- Sky Mall. This was better than Sodastream!_

A little bit later and Regina brought Emma a plate with a big greasy cheeseburger, complete with enriched flour bun and crinkle cut French fries with ketchup. Emma jumped up and kissed her in appreciation before even tasting it. The burger was delicious, and Emma moaned through every bite. So fucking good! _I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise._

"Thank you, thank you! Perfect. I missed this. You're wonderful," Emma couldn't stop eating or giving compliments and so it all came out in one disgusting mumble, but Regina was beaming, and pleased to see Emma enjoying herself. Being responsible for someone's happiness actually felt nice.

Regina sat back down on the couch, losing the apron and pulling the blanket back over her lap. She lost all hope of concentration as she watched Emma lick her fingers, and not even realize how sexy she looked.

"So tasty," Emma sat her plate down, and kissed Regina's knuckles, and leaned against her.

"Glad you enjoyed, but I have one more surprise. Watch this," Regina said looking so proud of herself. She couldn't wait to see Emma's reaction. Emma looked where Regina was pointing, straight ahead at the huge rectangular mirror hanging on the wall. As Emma watched, Regina rotated it horizontally and snapped her fingers. The mirror's glass surface shimmered and then crackled like static on a tv, while Emma's eyes went wide in disbelief.

"I can never remember the right input, bear with me," Regina gritted her teeth and spun her finger until a menu screen popped up. _Holy Fairytale Netflix Batman!_

"No way! No way!" Emma was bouncing against Regina as she tried to steady her hand which was acting as a remote control.

"Ah, here it is. Now let me know if this is what you like. I seem to recall you referring to this show as 'research' for your Sheriff position," Regina smiled at the memory.

Just as Regina said it and Emma remembered, the familiar jaunty Irish theme music began to play, "Rizzoli and Isles!" _Wow, great crisp HD quality! _

"Season 3" Regina said lifting her eyebrows, unable to contain her smile.

"But is it even out yet?"

"I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a certain Tamaro," Regina wrapped her arm securely around Emma's waist. Emma bent her head up for another kiss, before they settled in to watch, punctuating the pauses in the show by arguing good naturedly about their thoughts on Jane and Maura.

Emma stifled a yawn as the episode concluded. Her stomach was full of delicious greasy food, she felt protected and daresay loved. She wanted it to last forever, but even as she felt contentment a nagging undercurrent of dread threatened to upset her calm exterior. _Regina was hated in all the land, how could they ever be together?_ She banished the unpleasant thoughts and focused on Regina as she led her naked up to bed. _Best night ever._


	13. Chapter 13

"I look ridiculous," Emma stated the fact even as Regina fastened the embossed leather caplet around her shoulders and kissed the doubt from her lips.

"No, you look sexy, dear" Regina stated also as fact, giving her shoulders a little squeeze and stepping back to look at Emma, who was wearing one of Regina's outfits, complete with black leather pants. When Emma woke up in Regina's arms after a blissful night of uninterrupted sleep (okay, maybe there had been two or three orgasms interrupting their sleep, but she** felt** like she had never slept better) she couldn't find her dress. Apparently, Regina had burned it. _Last time I try dressing nice for you, honey._

So Emma was going to ride home in one of Regina's more regal outfits. She didn't think she'd be able to climb up on her horse, although that had less to do with the tightness of the leather pants and more to do with the fact that she didn't want to leave. Regina had treated her so lovingly and catered to her so well. Emma knew everyone back at the 'ranch' would be very upset with her for taking off, but she was getting to the point where she couldn't bother to care. She had been told enough times that the Enchanted Forest was so very dangerous, full of bandits and trolls, but she had never had any problems. The longer she lived here the more confident she felt that she could handle herself if something happened. _The Enchanted forest was like living in fucking Disneyland for Christ's sake. Well, at least it was nothing compared to time she lived in Oakland._

Regretfully, Emma kissed Regina goodbye for the third time, (she couldn't get enough; it was sick) and then asked for a little boost to ungracefully help her get on the horse, which Regina obliged by fully pressing her palms into Emma's ass, finishing off with a delightful little smack. Emma settled in with a wince as her poor sore vagina hit the saddle (Regina had brought out the promised 'tusk' strap-on at one point, and Emma had expected..um let's say, warthog proportions, but that tusk was from a freaking mastodon.)

"I'll try to come back tomorrow, okay?" Emma said as she started moving, turning back to look at Regina who nodded, clasping her hands together in front of herself. When Emma turned to look again just before she went out of view, she caught Regina wiping her eyes. _She was getting in deeper every time. _

Her real problems started when she got back to the palace. The guards met her in the stable as she slowly dismounted her horse. _Walk it out, Swan._ They kind of stammered when they saw her choice of outfit, but at least had the good sense not to comment.

"Princess, we were told to send you to Henry as soon as you arrived home. Please, my lady," Cooper bowed and followed Emma who was already marching toward the castle.

"Is something wrong?" Emma worried, but Cooper reassured her that Henry was okay.

"He's in his bedchamber. Um…it's Mr. Bigglesworth," Cooper continued, shifting his gaze downwards.

_Fuck, if anything happened to that cat…_

"Emma! You're finally back. I want to show you something!" Henry exclaimed excitedly as soon as Emma entered the room. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the bed. Emma sighed in relief to see Mr. Bigglesworth looked fine, much bigger than he had just a few days ago though.

"What is it?"

"Mr. Bigglesworth! He started talking!" Henry announced proudly, pointing at the bored looking freaky ass cat like 'ta da'!

"Uh-huh. I didn't know cats here could talk," Emma crinkled her nose, she wasn't exactly fond of non-talking cats, and now she'd probably be expected to converse with this thing. _She didn't even really like talking to people all that much, truth be told._

"Hello, Princess," Mr. Bigglesworth stated in a fairly condescending tone, using a British accent. _Great Biggles copped an attitude and sounds exactly like Stewie from 'Family Guy.' how lucky we are!_

Emma contained her disdain and managed a weak smile, with a little wave of her hand, she said, "Hi."

"Isn't it amazing?" Henry clapped his hands and stroked behind Mr. Bigglesworth's ears which started him off purring. Emma noticed that Mr. Bigglesworth seemed to give her a smirky patronizing glare when Henry wasn't looking. _What the fuck is this shit?_

"Why does he have an accent?" Emma asked cocking her head and staring at the cat.

Henry shrugged, "He's not from around here I guess. He's perfect just how I hoped he'd sound!"

"Well, then. That's great, glad you two can verbalize together now," Emma got up to leave.

"Wait! Emma? There's something else. Something Mr. Bigglesworth said. We were discussing our childhood memories, and Mr. Bigglesworth said that you didn't originally get him for me. He came from someone else," Henry faltered looking to Emma's for a signal that she knew what he was talking about.

_Fucking big mouth Mr. Bigglesworth! She'd forever have to watch everything she said when that cat was around._

Henry swallowed the lump in his throat and shuffled his feet, his discomfort obvious, "He said he was procured by the dark haired witch they call 'Regina'. What does 'procured' mean?"

"Whoa! Back up…um..Henry…I…" Emma didn't know what to say, but she knew she sounded incredibly guilty. She could call Mr. Bigglesworth a liar, but that cat was sneaky and it would come back to bite her…_probably literally._

"Emma, have you seen my…mom? Have you seen _Regina_?" Henry whispered so the guards wouldn't hear, and bit his lip, turning his face up to Emma in worry. He was just afraid of asking the question as Emma was to answer.

Emma sighed and figured she had better fess up, "Yes, Henry…I've seen her. She wanted you to have Mr. Bigglesworth because she cares about you and knew you'd like him."

"But she's—" Henry started to protest.

"I know she is the Evil Queen, and the curse and the happy endings. Of course, I know, I know, everything but she's-!"

"She's not a _queen_ anymore," Henry spit out in exasperation.

"Well, she's not _evil_ anymore either," Emma said matching his pitch and tone.

Henry quieted immediately, moving back to the bed, where Mr. Bigglesworth crawled onto his lap to comfort him, casting another glare and turning his nose up to Emma.

Emma moved over to the bed and grabbed Mr. Bigglesworth throwing him to the floor, "Hey! What is the meaning of this outrage?" He scoffed as he landed on his feet and scurried away swishing his tail and muttering, "I will not be manhandled in my own home…"

"Henry, listen to me. It's very important that you don't tell anyone that I've seen her. Can you keep it a secret?" Emma stuck out her pinky like they used to do, "Pinky swear?"

"Emma…but I want to see her too," Henry said softly, shocking Emma.

"You do? You never said anything before or expressed any interest at all?"

"I didn't think I would want to before, but now that I know you've visited her, I want to too. I want to thank her for Mr. Bigglesworth. She'd never let me have him in Storybrooke. Please, Emma?" Henry asked his eyes wide and gentle.

"Okay…tomorrow. We'll surprise her. You have to indulge her and give her as many hugs as she wants though. Deal?" Emma said, suddenly feeling a whole lot better about the day. Maybe Mr. Bigglesworth wasn't so bad after all.

"Deal," Henry replied, and wrapped his arms around Emma for a tight hug.

As soon as Emma exited Henry's room, she heard Snow calling for her from down the hallway. She wanted to pretend like she didn't hear, but Snow was running after her, so she had to stop and face her. She couldn't escape.

"Snow, I'm sorry that I went off yesterday morning," Emma started, before noticing that Snow was staring at her outfit with a look of horror.

"Emma- where did you get that outfit?"

"Um..Baelocchio. My dress got ruined in the storm so I took a loaner from his closet," Emma tried to say it with a straight face, hating that she continued to lie.

"Really? It's a little dark for my taste, but lovely I suppose. In a way. The guards have told me Baelocchio has a few quirks, but lots of guys probably wear lipstick and lavender scented perfume. I mean who am I to judge? I lived with seven men for a time, you know? If you're happy and it's true love: I'm okay with it," Snow winked and placed her hand on Emma's arm giving her a warm smile. _She loved to har-har about her time with the seven dwarfs, it was annoying._

"So you're not mad that I don't want to marry him, and that I stormed off?" Emma asked hesitantly.

"Oh, don't worry Emma, insecurity makes us act out in many ways. I talked to Jiminy Cricket about it… but great news! Baelocchio does want to marry you! I figured that's why you were so upset, uncertainty and all, but we received his message back that he's willing to join our realms. He didn't really say much about you though, but I'm sure he's just saving it for when he asks James and I for your hand. It's customary, we kind of expect it," Snow rambled on, as Emma stared at her dumbstruck.

"He wants to marry me? That's crazy, he doesn't even know…" Emma trailed off realizing she was going to give herself away and she wasn't prepared on how to handle breaking the news just yet. Everything was getting out of hand.

"Know what? The whole kingdom knows now, we just announced it. You and Baelocchio are the talk of the land! They're all calling you _Baelma_. Isn't that cute?" Snow asked with pride, throwing her hands up in joy, and wrapping her arms around Emma for an awkward hug.

"Yay," Emma managed weakly as Snow snuggled in tighter.

_The rumor has a celebrity couple name and apparently an impending engagement. Well, shit._


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Happy mother's day! All of the plants mentioned in this chapter come from Tori Amos's" Datura"**

_Is there room in my heart  
For you to follow your heart  
And not need more blood  
From the tip of your star –'Datura"_

"Henry! I told you to concentrate, we're just walking in circles through the woods," Emma's frustration was evident. The only way to get to Regina was to wish to see her, and apparently you really have to mean it. With Henry along, the horse was getting very confused.

"Okay, I'm trying," Henry whined. It was a warm day and the sun was notching steadily upwards in the sky. Emma had told Snow and James that she and Henry were going on a picnic and not to expect them home for a while. Snow and James wanted to join them of course, but Emma managed to convince them this was solely Emma and Henry time. _Everyone fucking loves picnics around here!_

After another lap around the same tree Emma had seen three times already she gave up. She thought she should know the way to Regina's by now. It had become effortless for her to find it, but Henry maybe didn't really want to see her because it just was not working.

"Okay. Henry, try to think about your happiest memory with your mom like before you knew she was evil and everything; like Christmas or your birthday…something _good_? Can you do that?" Emma asked in exasperation.

Henry nodded, resettling himself on the saddle in front of her in preparation, and shut his eyes. Emma placed her hands on his shoulders and they both took a deep breath. He thought about the first time Regina gave him a comic book. He was six, and when he flipped through the pages and saw the colorful superheroes his eyes grew wide. Regina had been so pleased and proud that he liked it.

She read to him before he fell asleep, and he had begged her to read and read until it was long past his bedtime and she had agreed. They had both been caught up in the story, Regina enjoying it just as much as Henry. Henry imagined back to how he felt that night: the warmth and weight of his covers tucked around him, and the way his mom smelled, positioned so close to him, protective, sweet and clean wrapped in her soft robe, fresh from the shower. The only light in his room was a flashlight he held up illuminating the pages, and Regina did her best impression of the character voices which made him giggle endlessly. He had struggled against sleep, feeling his eyelids grow heavy until he finally gave in without even realizing. He had dreamt of battles of good and evil; the stories coming alive in his subconscious imagination.

Henry slowly opened his eyes when he felt the horse stir, and there, right where they had been standing was a cottage: Regina's cottage. Emma opened her eyes too, smiling and grasping his shoulders.

"Good job, Henry. We were right here!"

Emma jumped off the horse and led Henry up the pathway, "Okay, stay here for a second, I'm just gonna um…make sure she's home." Emma, being all too familiar with Regina's propensity for nudity, was actually going to make sure she was dressed before presenting Henry to her. She knocked on the door, and it opened magically with a little click.

"Come right in, dear," Regina called.

_Oh, God, she'd most definitely naked, _Emma could hear it in her voice.Emma walked in slowly and after quickly scanning the small living space, looked up to the loft, finding Regina in bed. Naked.

"Regina? Hi, I brought a surprise for you. Um, can you come down and get dressed?" Emma asked hoping she wouldn't be questioned and have to reveal the surprise before Regina could see for herself.

"A surprise? Why don't you come up here and show me?" Regina drawled seductively.

"It's not that _type_ of surprise, but I know you'll want to see it, and I know you'll want to be dressed. So please?" Emma tried again.

"Fine, but later- you, me , bed," Regina jumped down from the loft undressed, purely for Emma's benefit, before waving her hand and clothing herself first in a cloud of smoke and then a simple outfit that looked like modern yoga wear. _Patagonia must have a fabulous marketing department._

She crossed to Emma and took her head in her hands and kissed her sweetly, and Emma returned the kiss wholeheartedly. Regina pulled back slightly, running her hands approvingly over the leather pants and tunic that Emma had chosen to wear, "hmm, this is much nicer then than dress you had on before. So…where's my surprise?"

"Right… Just outside," Emma was trying to contain her excitement. She took Regina's hand and led her through the door. She walked out and there was Henry sitting on the horse.

"Henry!" Regina's voice sounded high and heavy at the same time, just like the moment when Emma had brought Henry back after his runaway to Boston. She ran to him, practically pulling him off the horse and into her arms.

"You look so big and so handsome in your leathers," she kissed his head and wrapped her arms around him in a bone crushing hug as Emma watched the reunion. Henry hesitated for a moment, he looked over Regina's shoulders at Emma, pleading, and Emma raised her eyebrows in warning. _You better hug the shit of her, you pompous brat._

At first, he reciprocated grudgingly, looking at her long braid and odd outfit. The unfamiliarity soon gave way and he saw she was still the same, just altered a bit. He relaxed and let her comb her fingers through his hair and study him tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I missed you so much, are you well, Henry?" Regina asked when she regained her ability to speak, myriad emotions running through her in quick succession.

"I'm good…mom…I wanted to thank you for Mr. Bigglesworth, he's the best," Henry knew she would be pleased if he called her 'mom' and when she heard it from his lips she cried even harder, pulling him to her chest.

Emma stepped in from where she was awkwardly standing on the sidelines, "we brought a picnic for lunch. Maybe we can go sit outside somewhere and catch up?"

Regina stood up, holding Henry to her with one arm while beckoning Emma closer with the other. Emma stepped forward and Regina pulled her by the neck into the hug already in progress between Regina and Henry, crushing Henry between them. Emma relaxed and wrapped both arms around Regina standing together for some time, until they felt Henry squirm. Reluctantly, Regina pulled back in time to see Henry red faced and breathless from being so tightly smothered by both his mothers.

"I'm hungry," Henry droned looking up between Emma and Regina, the familiarity of their staring contests rushing back to him. They seemed different together, there was still a tension between them, but it was much less hostile. It perplexed Henry.

"Oh, dear. Yes, a picnic, and you can tell me everything," Regina said, looking down. The giddiness in her mannerisms surprised Emma_. She looks adorable right now, never thought that about her before. _

Emma unpacked the saddle bags and directed the horse away, while Regina rubbed her hands together, looking expectantly at Henry. They fell into an awkward silence, now that the initial rush was over; neither seemed able to cross the barrier of the past that had fallen between them.

"Um, Emma says you have a nice garden? I've been studying plants," Henry mentioned to make conversation.

"Would you care to see?" Regina asked curiously gauging his reactions to her. Back in Storybrooke it had been like pulling teeth to ever get Henry to even carry two handfuls of mulch out in the garden, so she was a bit suspicious of his interest, but overly willing to indulge anything that would connect them.

Regina put out her hand and Henry took it, just as he had always done. It was an automatic gesture, and Regina squeezed it tightly, guiding him through the cottage and out to the back garden.

Emma carried the picnic basket behind them as they crossed the garden, "I'll just get everything ready, over by the pond."

"Thank you, dear," Regina called, "so Henry have you learned the names of any flowers?"

"Yeah, my tutor has shown me tons in the palace garden and some in books. You have a Crinum lily, and there is Datura," Henry said pointing as they walked showing off his knowledge.

"Very good. Do you know what this is?" Regina asked, stopping in front of one.

"Um…I saw it a book. I don't know how to say it, frang—something?"

"Frangipani, yes. Beautiful. Here is weeping sabicu and natal plum, Indigo spires salvia, and this is black magic ti," Regina looked very proud of her impressive garden, until she felt the grip on her hand loosen, Henry looking at her with his mouth slightly open and his brow furrowed.

"What is it?" Regina worried she had done something.

"Black magic," Henry gulped warily.

"Not all magic is black or evil, you know," Regina's tone changed and stood back. It hurt her that he still thought of her as vicious and evil. She didn't want him to think of her like that, but she supposed that it would be hard to change his mind.

"My tutor says that all magic is bad. It corrupts. I had asked to learn some tricks like our jester does but no one will teach me," Henry's voice was shaking just a little as he met Regina's hard glare.

"I should think they would encourage your magical ability. It can be very useful. Binding spells, nature spells. Watch," Regina commanded a dark smile crossing her lips. She pointed to her bleeding heart which was looking a bit wilted and opened her fingers. Henry blinked several times watching in astonishment as it grew and changed, the blossoms filling out and rising up into perfect little rows of heart shaped pink flowers.

"See, no harm in that," Regina said pleased with Henry's reaction.

"Will you teach me?" He asked in wonder.

Regina bit her lip, "if I do you mustn't tell anyone. Can you do that?" Asking a child to keep a secret was something Regina was especially weary of, but she was willing to take the risk, first for Emma and now for Henry.

"Yes!" He shouted, knowing all too well she was going to give in.

She crouched down and took his hand in hers, looking him in the eye for any sign of deceit or malice. She found only genuine awe and an openness to learn. She whispered an incantation in his ear, and positioned his hand as if he were working a sock puppet.

"Repeat the spell in your head and focus your energy on growth, then slowly open your hand and the plant will respond to you," She whispered as Henry shut his eyes.

He did as she said and he felt his fingers tingle as he slowly opened his hand and the flower in front of him perked just a bit. It was barely noticeable, but he saw it had changed.

"I did it! I did it! I have to tell Emma. I can tell Emma right?" Henry jumped up and down and then asked Regina nervously hoping that she didn't mean for him to keep it secret from her.

"Yes, you may tell Emma, but no one else. Shall we go see what kind of picnic we have?" Regina took his hand and led him back through her garden and over to the pond.

Emma saw them coming towards her. _Finally, the mosquitos are greedy bastards today. _

"Emma, I made a flower grow!" Henry exclaimed as he broke free and ran over to her. Regina followed and sat down on the blanket right next to Emma, dropping a brief kiss of gratitude to her shoulder, which did not go unnoticed by Henry.

"That's great kid. Here's your whipped beet and pickled herring mousse, enjoy," Emma offered him his lunch. The cooks were creative with the beets, but it wasn't very good.

"Mom…are you really not evil anymore?" Henry asked begrudgingly, "I mean Emma says you're not and you seem different, but I don't know what to think?"

"I never meant to be evil, you know," Regina said softly, pain in her eyes.

"She's not. I happen to like her here. She's been very good to me, got it? In fact-"Emma almost told him that her and Regina were 'more than friends', but Regina's hand on her arm stopped her. She paused and looked from Regina to Henry, before finishing her statement, "Don't bring it up again."

He cast his eyes down and ate his beet and fish mousse in contemplation, before forgetting about the question of evil and excitedly asking questions, "Can you show me more magic after lunch? Can we go swimming in the pond? Do you have ketchup?"

Regina felt long dormant emotions well up inside her. She had tried to push down her love for Henry. It had been so painful to lose him, but here, sitting in the sun on a blanket with Emma and Henry she felt complete. She felt hopeful. Emma listened as Regina answered Henry's questions. He sounded very much like her when she first found Regina here. _Wait till he finds out about the mirror/TV – she probably can get video games on that thing. He'll freak._ Emma's heart swelled with love, glimpsing what it would be like to have a family. _To __**be**__ a family with Regina and Henry. Fuck, I think this is true love._

Emma let herself think it, she hadn't admitted her suspicion in her own mind yet, due to the fear and panic the prospect of true love with Regina riled in her. But yet, on a beautiful day, sitting together she found the idea wasn't nearly as frightening as she thought. She welcomed it. Emma finally thought she understood why everyone loved freaking picnics.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I was so stuck on this story because I was trying to write this whole political thing with Baelocchio, but I decided to fuck that. I really admire authors who can write good cohesive political fantasy stories- namely Queen Nan's "Enchanted" she's got all these kingdoms mapped out and everything real fancy like. Me, I watch 'Game of Thrones' and 'Spartacus' not for the politics or even the plot, oh no, I fast forward through all the yammering only stopping for sex scenes, dragons, and violent battles.

The horseback ride home from Regina's cottage was somber. When Regina noticed Emma and Henry almost gagging on their beet picnic, she offered to make a crowd pleaser from 'back home' and promptly whipped up a pepperoni pizza that Henry gorged on so gratefully and so quickly that he was now complaining of a stomach ache with every footfall of the horse. Emma sighed dejectedly. Stealing a goodbye kiss from Regina before hopping on the horse and heading back to the palace wasn't her ideal situation. She regretted looking back as the horse headed into the thicket of the forest. Regina stood on her step, hands clasped, trying (and failing) to not cry.

The horse finally meandered back to the castle and Emma ordered Henry to go straight to his room and clean up, reminding him for the hundredth time not to breathe a word about his visit with Regina to anyone.

"Can we go back soon? I want to learn more magic," Henry sounded excited and hopeful, and Emma smiled back although her heart wasn't in it. She didn't want to make him a promise she couldn't keep. It was dangerous enough for her to continue to see Regina, but bringing along Henry was a risky. She didn't want to make it harder on Regina either: to see her son and then have him taken away again.

"We'll see, and we'll talk about it later…." Emma answered, leaving things up in the air. They reached home, and took the horse to the stable, but as soon as Emma stepped inside she noticed that every stall was full with extra horses: Lots and lots of big white horses. They had company, and Emma was in no mood to entertain or use her manners. She wanted to soak in a hot bath and go to bed. She felt her own stomach rumbling, unaccustomed to the greasy pepperoni. _What a travesty._

She tried to sneak in, but the guards were right there to escort her to the main receiving hall.

"Who is here, Cooper?" Emma asked out of curiosity, wondering where the urgency was necessary.

"His Royal Highness: Sir Baelocchio, Wizard of Neverland, of course!" Cooper said with a hint of an eyebrow waggle.

Emma's mouth fell open and her feet stopped moving. _Fuckity fucking shit monsters!_

"Um, how long has Sir Baelocchio been here exactly?" Emma asked clutching Cooper's arm forcefully, and baring her teeth, in an effort to compose a smile.

"A few hours, Princess. I thought you knew he was coming?"

"Maybe I should just run away—I mean **up** and change before I see him…I've been out riding all day and you know, a lady like me should look her best for her… _fiancé_," Emma struggled to turn around and run upstairs_. Maybe I can barricade myself in my room until he leaves. Fucking right, Swan. Pull it together._ She knew she had made this mess, and now she had to face her lies….(and her mother.)

"I'm sorry, but I'm under strict orders to bring you straight to throne room, no delays," Cooper offered apologetically, looking her over like he thought it would be better if she cleaned herself up a bit too_. Guess we can't all be perfect all the time like Cooper_, Emma thought rolling her eyes, too agitated to be properly offended.

As soon as she set foot in the large echoing hall all eyes turned to her, including Snow and James, "Emma, you're finally back. Your future husband is here, don't be shy."

Snow beckoned her forward and Emma took one hesitant step after another. She looked at the large, broad shouldered man standing before Snow and James's throne. _Not half bad, actually_…She admired what were obviously large, rippling muscles, bulging from under his chainmail and leather_. Better put on a good show._

"How I've missed you, my love!" Emma ran the rest of the way, plastering on a fake smile and launching herself at the large man, wrapping her arms around him for a long hug until she heard the sharp and distinct sound of Snow's throat clearing in disapproval.

"That's not Baelocchio," Snow corrected suspiciously. Emma jumped back, realizing she had just hugged a guard… _Shitballs! _

"Oh, you know me just appreciative of the strong service folk who keep my man safe and protected," Emma covered lamely, patting the stunned guard on the back and peering around to spot the actual Wizard of Neverland. Her eyes widened and she visibly jumped, looking down to take he who was her possible future husband. _Over my dead body, Jebus and George Constanza! _The man was a troll: shorter than a dwarf, tooth pick legs barely supported his huge round belly. He clutched his crooked wizard hat, thin wisps of the remaining hair on his balding head stuck up in every direction. His face was bright red and he was sweating profusely under his long white fur robe. He must has high blood pressure and eat a lot of bacon…Emma thought as she slowly lurched forward, bile rising in her throat, as she got a good look at him, and a good whiff of the weird dirty smell wafting from him.

"My dear Princess, come give Daddy some sugar," his voice came out high pitched and reedy, with a pronounced lisp. He gave Emma the smarmiest smile she had ever seen and opened his short little arms wide inviting her embrace. She squatted down, trying to get in a position where she could manage to hug him with as little actual body to body contact as humanly possible.

He eagerly stood up on his tiptoes, wrapping his arms around her neck, opting to open his lips and plant a long, wet, sloppy sewer-breathed kiss right on Emma's mouth. Emma wasn't repulsed because he was a man, she was repulsed because he was a repulsive man.

"Hold it right there," a voice called from off to the side.

Emma opened her eyes and glanced sideways, hoping someone had come to rescue her from this. She kept her lips pursed as Baelocchio slobbered on her, dying inside when she saw it was only the court artist sketching out their kiss, for what would probably be an announcement, released to the kingdom. (The equivalent of an Enchanted Forest press release.)

Snow was looking on, trying to school her features into one of non-judgment. Emma finally broke away from Baelocchio and Snow got up to join her. Baelocchio promptly stalked toward the artist and started critiquing the drawn portrayal of himself, "Make me taller, and thinner and remove that boil on my cheek…"

"Emma, I'm so excited that we have finally been able to meet Sir Baelocchio…your true love!" Snow visibly swallowed a lump in her throat and smiled sweetly.

"Yep, here he is...he must have received _your_ letter, mother!" Emma continued to smile, but her tone was accusatory.

"Well, I've invited him to stay for dinner and the night…since you two are already quite knowledgeable of each other in the bedroom area, he can stay with you tonight. No need to remain modest at this point, since you're a…"

_Oh, hell no! Keep it moving! I dare you, mommy, call me a skank! Hello, Ms. Hypocrite… Dr. Whale, ring any bells? Or how about when you fucked daddy while he was married to another lady?_

"…you know….but you'll always be my little girl, and a lady in my eyes no matter what."

Emma was beginning to see why Regina hated her so much, "Thanks, _mom_."

The chef emerged from the adjacent dining hall and announced to everyone, "Dinner is served!"

"Where is Henry? He needs to get ready to meet his future step-daddy, and James has many questions for you and Baelocchio. Shall we break bread?" Snow turned to head to the dining hall.

Emma stared on and took a deep breath, feeling an annoying tug on her sleeve, she looked down to see Baelocchio, "So I learned that we have already been intimately acquainted, apparently. Where was I during that meeting, Princess?"

"Sorry, about that…long story, but um…thanks for playing along," Emma muttered, relieved that Baelocchio had actually covered for her to Snow.

"We'll have time to discuss everything after dinner, but for now small talk will suffice. We should really get to know each other after all. Have you had a good day?"

"Best day ever," Emma said sarcastically as she mentally prepared herself for the most awkward dinner of her life.


	16. Chapter 16

"Henry, you've barely touched your dinner," Snow looked puzzled. He usually had a voracious appetite. Henry shot Emma a conspiratorial glance and then shirked down in his chair and pushed his plate back.

"Not hungry," He mumbled apologetically looking guilty about something.

Emma looked a bit guilty too in Snow's estimation. Something was going on, but before Snow could meddle, James broke his silence for the first time by exclaiming a bit too cheerily, "Well, I, for one, think this is a delicious dinner!"

"Here, here," Baelocchio agreed digging into his potatoes and taking a sloppy bite.

"Emma, you still have not told us how you and Baelocchio first met. Please indulge us," James continued good-naturedly.

"Spare no detail!" Snow added her face alight in a wide smile.

Emma cleared her throat nervously, and waved to the dinner servant, "Wine, please: I'll have the big goblet tonight."

"Ooh, wine…me too please," Baelocchio demanded between mouthfuls of food.

Emma took an overly long drink from her goblet as soon as it was handed to her, while the rest of the table just watched her in silence, eagerly waiting for the riveting story of how Princess Emma met Sir Baelocchio and fell in love.

"Right..so how we met? Well, I was out practicing my horseback riding in the Enchanted forest and ran into Baelocchio. What can I say? Enchanted forest really is enchanting and whatever," Emma shrugged casually.

"Well, as you know, James and I also fell in love in the Enchanted forest, so I know exactly what you mean," Snow added trying to be helpful, as she and Charming snuggled affectionately and Snow ate some of peas off of James's spoon. (Gag me)

"Baelocchio, what are your intentions with my daughter?" James asked regally, his voice deepening.

"Oh, yes, well as you know, I want to marry her," Baelocchio waved his fork in the air and spoke with a full mouth.

"Really, I mean are you sure? Why do you want to marry me?" Emma asked pointedly, she knew this was coming, but to actually hear this man say it was alarming.

"Aww, would you like me to recite you a poem before I ask for your hand? You're such a pretty little thing," Baelocchio smiled showing off his rotting teeth and tried to stick a spoonful of food in Emma's face to show his affection. Emma declined.

"Well, the joining of our realms would be very beneficial to both kingdoms; shall we talk politics and treaties?" James asked cutting right to the heart of the matter: joining kingdoms and gaining power. Emma felt like she was being sold.

"Actually, I'm really tired and I'd like to say a proper good night to Baelocchio alone, _you know. _So maybe this could reconvene in the morning?"Emma asked, not giving any room for discussion by jumping up from the table, swiping the flask of wine off of the dinner servant's tray.

"That will be fine; I see you're eager to get Baelocchio up to your chambers. The guards will stay outside unless you need anything. Have a good night!" Snow smiled bidding Emma and Baelocchio adieu.

"Thanks see you in the morning," Emma started to turn away, but Snow was looking at her curiously. _Oh, Snow don't wink, please don't wink…_

Snow winked.

Emma kept pace two steps ahead of Baelocchio as she strutted purposely to her chambers, biting her tongue in fury the whole way. Baelocchio struggled behind her, gasping for breath as they climbed the winding stairs up to her room. She barely glanced at her guards and servants as they stood outside the room, averting their eyes. Emma caught her and Baelocchio's shadows against the wall and shuddered: hers looking thin and tall and his: short and round. The guards had to be thinking of the night not that long ago that Regina stayed over. They were undoubtedly dreading a repeat performance. _Yeah, that's not going to happen tonight. To have sex with Baelocchio she'd need to jack him up and slid under him on a mechanic's cart. He probably couldn't even reach his own dick under that huge belly. _

Once she was locked in her room with Baelocchio she guzzled down a bit more wine and offered the rest of the flask to Baelocchio as he made himself comfortable, sitting on the bed and removing his boots, and furs.

"So why do you really want to marry me? Obviously this isn't true love or anything close," Emma paced back and forth in front of her bedpost.

"Princess, although you're right and I'm afraid we'll never have true love- I find it's overrated. Don't scorn me so easily. You do realize you're considered damaged goods in this land?" Baelocchio began his tone growing sinister.

"Excuse me?" Emma stopped pacing and fixed him with a look she had learned from Regina.

"Easy, I'm trying to help you. You're an old maid; your parents are desperate to marry you off to anyone resembling royalty. Your tarnished reputation precedes you; also you already have a bastard child. He'll never be recognized as a king in his own right. I can offer you advantages: Dual realm citizenship, an adoring public, and all the resources Neverland has to offer," Baelocchio sounded so matter of fact as he finished his torrid of putdowns and slurped wine from the flask.

Emma was hot, how dare he insult her and her child. She never asked to come to this unaccepting world. She didn't want power or anything he could provide. She couldn't even form a response, and her mouth opened and closed several times while she fixed her unforgiving gaze on Baelocchio.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to force myself on you, you're not my type. I have a thing going with Peter Pan anyways… If you and I married, we'd be a couple for public events only. You'd be allowed you dalliances with whoever you choose as long as you stay discreet, and I'd be allowed mine."

_Gross.._

"If you think I'm so _damaged_, than why bother with me? What is it that you want from the Enchanted Forest that you don't already have in Neverland?" Emma spit trying to dissolve the bitter taste left in her mouth by Baelocchio's offer.

"Yes, well, There's one thing that the Enchanted forest is crawling with that my land is sadly lacking: Fairies," Baelocchio lamented.

"Fairies are so useful. They grant wishes, enchant vermin to cook, clean and tailor clothes. I want every residence in Neverland to have their own personal fairy. Sadly, Fairies very existence is contingent on the belief in them by children and interest in severely waning. Just last week I had three drop dead in the middle of their chores."

_Neverland fairies apparently needed better PR representation._

"So basically you want to marry me to start a fairy slave trade between here and Neverland?" Emma reiterated_. Sounds positively moral, fucker._

"Essentially, yes. Dear, it's no sweat off of my back if you refuse to marry me. There are other ways to get your fairies. Your parents certainly seem interested in negotiating a treaty for export either way. I only wonder why you even lied to your own family about me to begin with." Baelocchio lay down in Emma's bed, shifting to get comfortable and patting the space next to him for her to join him. He hiccupped from the large amount of wine he'd drunk.

_Not going to happen never, never neverland._

Emma sighed unable to respond. She felt tired and shitty, and wanted to go to bed, but not with this strange evil little man occupying her space.

"Either way: consider my offer, Princess. I'll expect an answer in the morning," Baelocchio shut his eyes and promptly passed out leaving Emma alone with her storming thoughts.


	17. Chapter 17

Emma quickly got ready for bed, thinking there was no way she would actually be able to lie down and sleep next to Baelocchio's plump nasty body. She couldn't just stand around her room all night listening to his rattily snore, or even walk out her door without arising suspicion from her guards. So she went out to her balcony to get some fresh air and clear her head.

Noticing the balcony next to hers that led to one of the palace's many unused guest rooms she decided to be daring. She hopped on the ledge of her balcony and without looking down, easily stepped onto the uneven brick exterior of the castle, quickly scaling over to the guest room. She entered, walking through the empty chamber, and quietly slid the heavy lock in place to ensure she wouldn't be disturbed.

She blew out a listless breath, catching her reflection in the large mirror hanging over the dresser. _It's worth a shot…_

"Regina? Regina!" She called into the mirror, hoping that Regina would be able to hear or see her.

Slowly her worried reflection faded and was replaced with Regina's image. She was lying down and looking back through a hand mirror, her eyes half-lidded indicating she'd been asleep.

"Well, hello dear?" Regina purred a lazy smile blooming on her lips.

_Mirror time is so much better than face time…_

"Hi. I need to talk to you. I'm in the guest room next to mine, there are no guards. Do you think maybe you could smoky-swirl over here?" Emma's brow crinkled in worry and unbidden hope.

Regina dropped her hand mirror, the image disappearing, and per usual (for fairytale land anyway) a cloud of smoke gathered over the guest bed, and then Regina materialized. When she solidified, she was in the exact same position she must have been before, reclining and naked, arms spread, legs crossed, and smiling with wicked yet relaxed intent. _God, she has some handy tricks in her fingertips._

Emma moved toward the bed, while Regina lifted one finger causing Emma's clothes to evaporate in a poof just as her knee dipped the mattress. She eagerly crawled into Regina's arms, fitting against her perfectly like a jigsaw piece. They kissed softly and Emma reveled in the thrill that ran down her spine with just the lightest of touches.

Regina ran her fingers through Emma's curls, raking gently all the way to the ends, "What troubles you tonight?"

Emma closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Regina's throat, mumbling in shame, "Baelocchio's here and he passed out drunk in my room. He smells like sewer and dirty carpet... You smell so, so good though."

Emma inhaled Regina's scent, sighing at the familiar comforting smell.

"What do I smell like?" Regina chuckled amused, and Emma felt the vibration from her vocal chords vibrate against her lips.

"Like fresh magic," Emma breathed (which oddly smells a lot like 'Love Spell' by Victoria's Secret.)

"Did Baelocchio touch you?" Regina's jealousy flared up to the surface and she pulled Emma closer as she ran her smooth palm up and down Emma's shoulder.

Emma remembered his unpleasant slobbery kiss and a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach, "Worse… he really does want to marry me, but only to start a fairy sex trafficking ring or something."

"I could take care of your problem. Sneak over there and poison him. A little belladonna, a little hemlock…I could whip something up easily," Regina offered, casually looking down to flex her hand and examine her fingernails.

_How sweet: my witch girlfriend wants to murder my wizard boyfriend; I should have my own reality show. _

"Um, no thanks…that's too far… You really are evil, aren't you?" Emma swallowed trying to dispel the wave of anxiety washing over her. Something told her that Regina wasn't joking.

"So I've been told a time or two. It's just an offer, anyhow," Regina buried her nose in Emma's hair, and Emma relaxed ever so slightly.

"I have to tell him I'm not going to marry him tomorrow, and then I have to tell Snow. What do you think should I tell her?" Emma whined searching Regina's dark eyes for answers.

Regina resisted the urge to smack her. For being the purported brave "White Knight" bringer of hope and savior of all of Fairytale land and kingdom come, Emma sure was a bit slow on matters like this. Regina had never faulted her though, chalking it up to her genetics.

"The truth," Regina said sharply and to the point.

Emma worried her lip and fought back tears that threatened to emerge from nowhere.

"Why is it that the thought of marriage to _him_ is absolutely abhorrent to me? The thought of waking up next to that man for even one morning turns my stomach, but you…I want to wake up next to you every morning forever," Emma blushed as she confessed her romantic ideals, closing her eyes to avoid Regina's gaze.

"I think it's time we face facts: we're in love…true love at that," Regina enunciated it so there would be no confusion. She lifted Emma's chin with her index finger, forcing Emma to look into her eyes. _How the hell did this happen?_

Emma had witnessed true love in all its glory; Charming and Snow: the quintessential poster children. Even though Emma couldn't picture Regina spoon feeding her any time in the near future, she couldn't deny that their love wasn't of the 'true' variety.

"Will you stay with me all night, and wake up with me in the morning?" Emma shifted in Regina's arms entangling their bare legs, automatically bellowing the embers of constant lust burning between them.

"Of course. First: I'll make love to you, and so thoroughly fuck you that you'll fall asleep without a thought or worry in your head... In the morning, you'll pack a bag for you and a bag for Henry. Then you'll tell Baelocchio and Snow…whatever you want…preferably something hurtful, although I can't think of anything more poetic than the unadulterated truth. Then you and Henry will join me at my cottage for good."

Emma took a deep breath, and nodded as if under a trance. She didn't want to have to face the mess she'd made, avoided, and added fuel to, but she desperately wanted to stay with Regina. She could stand up to her mother and fight for her own happiness.

"But what if-," Before Emma could even compose another thought, as promised, Regina began an extremely distracting, extremely sexual descent, dragging her mouth and magic fingers along Emma's twisting body, "-Oooh, yes!" _I'll figure it out in the morning..._


	18. Chapter 18

Emma sighed dreamily, as she slowly opened her eyes to light filtering in from the balcony. It took her a second to realize where she was: in the guest room of the castle and wrapped snugly in Regina's arms.

"You're awake," Regina stated the fact, and lightly kissed Emma's fluttering eyelids.

"Barely," Emma muttered, yawning and rolling her sore neck from side to side to work out the kinks acquired during their rather rough love-making.

"I'll see you soon?" Regina tried to mask the hint of fear in her voice.

Emma drew in a deep breath as she remembered her morning's work: _dump Baelocchio and ruin mom's hopes and dreams, check. Yep, yep, got it, no prob_, "Now or never."

Regina smiled and said encouraging, "I'll be waiting, stay strong," but Emma caught the look of worry she tried to hide. Emma kissed her in reassurance, and mid-kiss Regina evaporated in a cloud of smoke leaving Emma to face the day alone.

She threw her naked legs over the bed and sat up to stretch as her body protested. _Damn, that woman is an animal. _Emma quickly realized that Regina had magic'ed off her clothes the night before, and they had disappeared into the ether, apparently never to return. Emma scoured the empty room for a robe…_no fucking towels._

Emma grabbed the king size sheet from the bed and fashioned a long toga out of it, she darted out to the balcony to cross back to her room, but realized it would be suicide to drag the sheet wrapped around her. She couldn't very well scale the wall in daylight naked, as the palace guards and probably all the kingdom would wonder why the Princess was crawling along the outside of the castle buck ass naked. It would invite some awkward questions.

_Goddamnit!_ She had to bite the bullet and go out the door and down the common hallway back to her room. Sauntering up to her guards in front of her room, she tried to play like she had just wandered out for a casual stroll. Her guards were exhausted having been standing outside her room all night and straightened in surprise as she walked up.

Emma was quite a sight: hair mussed, lipstick stains all over her neck and face, looking thoroughly fucked, and naked except for the huge bed sheet draped shoddily around her body and dragging behind.

"Oh, Princess, we didn't even _hear_ you…come out?" Cooper shook his head and tried to avert his eyes as Emma's nipple slipped out when she reached for the door handle. All the guards had heard was the loud wheezy snore of Baelocchio, but the way Emma looked suggested they had done more than sleep.

"Well, just slipped out to get a drink. Mabel, can you please draw me a bath?" Emma remained completely nonchalant, even as heart beat wildly.

When she entered, Baelocchio was taking a long piss in the chamber pot, scratching his ass and yawning.

"Aww, morning princess..you didn't warm my bed last night?" Baelocchio inquired to Emma's whereabouts.

"Yeah…I'm not marrying you. I'm looking for true love, and we both know _this_ isn't it." (So pack up your horses and all the wizard's men and go… asshole.)

"What about my fairies?" Baelocchio paced the room perturbed.

"You can take as many as you can catch on foot…no magic," Emma shrugged and turned to take her bath, "Good luck on that" _and good riddance._

"You'll regret this decision, Princess!"

_Doubtful._

Without another thought or worry, Emma retreated to the bathroom, dropped her sheet and hopped in the warm water. She scrubbed at her skin, trying not to think about breakfast.

While Mabel was busy cleaning up, Emma wandered back into her room, noting with a relieved sigh that Baelocchio was gone and all that remained of him was his lingering nasty scent.

She grabbed a burlap tote and shoved some clothes into it. She figured Regina seemed to have everything she'd need and as soon as she told Snow she was leaving she would grab Henry and go.

When she was dressed and as ready as she'd ever be she joined Snow and James for breakfast.

"Good morning, Emma! Sleep well? Where's Baelocchio?" Snow purred in her overly cheerful way.

"He left," Emma's reply was terse and to the point.

"Without breakfast? A hearty porridge is the cornerstone for a fulfilling and productive day," Snow said heaping another spoonful of the gray muck into her mouth.

"I sent him away. He's not my true love, and we're not getting married," Emma had closed her eyes and the words rushed out of her mouth as if forced.

James almost choked on his oatmeal, his face turning red as he left the table without comment. Probably in an effort to escape whatever Snow was about to unleash on Emma rather than anything else.

"I don't understand. Why not?" Snow almost spit out her oatmeal, her tone was overly snooty and rife with disbelief.

"I've never loved him. I don't want anything to do with him. I've told you before and you went ahead and brought him here anyway," Emma pushed her chair back from the table and threw her spoon back into her porridge.

"But Emma…I was only trying to be supportive. I can tell you really are in true love, and I didn't want you to feel judged or like you couldn't be with who you wanted to be with…even though Baelocchio is not physically who I'd picture you'd be attracted to, but nonetheless he has some charms I'm sure and—-" Snow rambled on and on trying to let her brain catch up to her mouth.

_Great well now she can be supportive by attending fairytale PFLAG meetings…she'll be so proud_

"Snow! Mom…stop! I am in love…true love," Emma twisted and shuffled in discomfort, "but not with him…with a woman actually."

"A _woman_?" Snow's mouth gaped open, but she recovered quickly, "Please tell me she's at least royalty?"

"Well, yeah…" Emma rolled her eyes, trying to hide her embarrassment at Snow's reaction. _Of course she'd be more concerned about royalty and her precious kingdom. _

"I guess it makes sense, you do act kinda gay sometimes…"

_And what exactly about me is so gay? _Emma opened her mouth to ask that very question but Snow cut her off.

Is it Mulan? Or Jasmine? Belle?—you know I was wondering if she switched teams after the whole thing with you know _who_ that we have locked up in the basement," Snow couldn't help herself as her mind swan with possibilities, "Maybe Ariel? Redheads are beautiful, although I don't know how you'd get busy with those cumbersome green fins and underwater would just be difficult…"

"Stop. You are not going to guess again, and get me into another predicament. Just leave it alone. Accept it, reject it, whatever. Henry and I are leaving today. We're going to stay with her, and do not send anyone to follow us," Emma was already retreating by the time Snow could form another thought.

"Emma? You're taking my grandson? But…you will come back for Sunday dinner, right? Emma?"

Emma was already striding off, carrying herself with a purposeful swagger as she felt the stone that had been weighing down her heart with dread lift once and for all. She felt as light as air….and also gay: wonderfully, awesomely, gayily gay.


	19. Chapter 19

"But where are you going to sleep, Emma?" Henry was looking around Regina's cottage, taking in the sight of the carpenter already working on building an addition for his room.

_Hopefully, on top of Regina…_Emma thought, but didn't know how to reply to Henry's innocent question. She only managed to open and close her mouth a few times before Regina stepped in to save her, pointing out the back window to show Henry the large tent she had set up in the garden.

Emma, Henry and Mr. Bigglesworth (Henry refused to leave without him, but other than that he had been surprisingly agreeable about the whole situation) all had made the journey to Regina's cottage with relative ease. Although, Henry was worried about his schooling, and was apparently going to miss his wood soldering lesson. Mr. Bigglesworth was worried about what he would be served to eat, (how frequently and how much) and Emma was just worried. She was afraid that this whole plan wasn't going to work out. She hadn't really thought through the specifics of what life with Regina would be like. Maybe it was too soon?

"I thought all of us could camp out here in the garden tonight. What do you think?" Regina asked her eyes bright and shining in evidence that having Henry back under her roof was the most wonderful event she could imagine.

"Cool! Can we tell ghost stories and do magic?" Henry asked excitedly, as Regina ushered them to the table to serve dinner.

"Perhaps, but I know Emma has had a long day so maybe we'll just read some stories, and save the magic for tomorrow," Regina didn't miss a beat, sounding every bit the mom she desired to be. _More mom-like than Emma ever had sounded or felt herself. _

Mr. Bigglesworth noisily smacked his cat lips and gnashed his teeth into the unidentifiable piece of meat Regina had served him. He let out a loud purr after the first bite and then clamped his mouth shut, slightly embarrassed, always trying to maintain an air of aloof disdain.

In her old life, Emma was supremely self-reliant, traveling America on her own, scavenging and scraping by, by herself. Here, she felt weak and unaccomplished, not even knowing where Regina got the meat to make the delicious slow cooked roast and vegetables she was serving. Regina sat next to Emma, instantly seeing the trouble mapped on her face, and placed a reassuring hand on her knee as they shared a satisfied look over dinner. The gesture chased the fear out of Emma's eyes and replaced it with a strong feeling of freedom. They hadn't really had a chance to talk much yet, but just being there and together was all Emma needed to feel free and secure.

After dinner, Regina and Henry went to feed the horses while Regina answered a hundred of Henry's questions: (How do you shoot fireballs? "Very carefully" When am I going back to the palace? "Not anytime soon" Is there a spell to make me taller? "Nature will take care of that in time"….)

In the meantime, Emma busied herself by filling the tent with blankets and pillows so they would be comfortable on their little backyard camping excursion.

"It's really dark out here," Henry stated with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Why don't you take a jar and catch as many fireflies as you can and we'll use it as a nightlight?" Regina gripped his shoulder lovingly and pointed him toward the porch where there were empty jars lined up on the rail.

Regina entered the tent and immediately moved over to Emma, wrapping her up in a hug and lifting her chin for a kiss, "That will keep him busy for a bit. Tell me, how did it go with Snow?"

"It went as well as could be expected. Felt kinda good to get rid of Baelocchio and tell Snow…but I didn't get around to mentioning you- specifically…" Emma hunched her shoulders and fell into Regina's arms.

"Hmm, it's a start. I can take it from here," Regina sounded almost gleeful and Emma wondered what exactly she meant by that statement, but her mind was distracted by another topic.

"Regina…do you think maybe Henry would be better off at the castle? He's got his tutors and his lessons and I don't know what to teach him here, but he needs to learn," Emma buried her nose against Regina's chest and took a deep breath.

"You sound like me going on about structure and education. I'll tutor him and anything I can't teach I will find someone knowledgeable on the topic and bring them here," Regina wrapped her arms tighter around Emma, "Is that all you're worried about?"

"I just don't like that he's forgetting about...um…America. Did you know we missed Independence Day? I think that the 4th of July was a few days ago, (although who can tell with the way time seems to bend these days.) But 4th of July is- _well,_ _was_- my favorite holiday and no one even remembered it. I want Henry to celebrate these things, I guess," Emma realized even as she spoke what was really bothering her.

Regina nodded solemnly, "It's settled then: tomorrow, I'll invite my friends and we'll have a party to celebrate Independence Day. That's what you do, isn't it? Barbeque and fireworks? You can invite your friends too if you'd like."

_What friends? Maybe Red… but she'd tell Snow about Regina. It was pretty sad when the Evil Queen had more friends than the 'good' princess. _

"That sounds fun- barbeque sounds good," Emma swiped at the tears that had silently slipped from her eyes. Henry pulled the flaps of the tent apart, breathless as he chucked the jar filled with blinking lights in and crawled over, falling forward in the heap of blankets. Emma automatically tried to jerk out of Regina's embrace afraid of what Henry would think, but Regina held her tightly.

"Emma, are you okay?" Henry furrowed his brow squinting through the miniscule light to make out Emma's face. His concern was all for Emma and not for the fact that she was being cradled by Regina.

"I'm fine, just happy actually. We're going to have a party tomorrow," Emma sat up straight, pulling Regina over with her to make room for Henry to lie down next to them.

"We'd better get to sleep. We have a lot to do in the morning," Regina broke her hold on Emma and turned, opening her arms and pulling Henry into them, squeezing him in confirmation that he was actually there and (in a way)- hers again.

"I have a question?" Henry grudgingly asked as he stared off at his jar of lightning bugs, avoiding the captive stares of his mothers.

"What is it, dear? You can ask anything," Regina coaxed him on, sensing he was working up the nerve to ask.

When Henry spoke his barely audible voice was filled with apprehension, giving the impression that he was afraid of the answer, but mostly he was afraid he was asking an inappropriate question and his suspicion was incorrect, "Are you and Emma in love or something?"

Emma let out a loud staccato snort, and felt Regina squeeze her knee under the blanket, "Yes, Henry, I believe we are."

"Oh, okay…just wondering – goodnight!" With that Henry hunkered down and turned over to fall asleep.

Emma slid down deeper under the blankets, focusing on the sound of crickets and croaking frogs, as Regina leaned over and kissed her goodnight. Their hands joined automatically, needing contact, as they fell asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Almost 30,000 words later this is finally the chapter where I get to the original anonymous prompt which inspired this whole fic. (I put it at the end of the chapter.) I'm pretty excited about this one, so please enjoy and let me know what you think! All the reviews make me feel really good, thank you so much!

"Are you sure it's okay to leave him with her?" Emma pulled Regina aside and whispered in her ear as she looked on at the scene in front of her.

"These are good people, Emma, trust me, he'll be fine," Regina picked up the picnic basket and walked toward the stable.

_Good people? Right…more like 'evil people.' Only Regina would think of Maleficent as 'good people.' _

Emma stood by uneasily as Maleficent smoked a fat cigar, while flipping burgers and brats over the makeshift grill Regina had put together. They were really going all out for this 4th of July celebration. Her 'buddy,' Ja'far was sitting near the bonfire stroking Mr. Bigglesworth and staring ahead into the fire, (don't call him 'Jaf' or' Jaffy' it's Ja'far strictly), Emma had already been warned about that. Weirdest of all, Ursula, (the Ursula!) was giving Henry a swimming lesson in the pond. Emma was now certain she had seen Ursula before in Storybrooke, but never her name. She was the older, over weight white-haired bitch who was always riding an electric motorized scooter around the drug store, knocking over cans and getting in the way without a care. Regina had mentioned that Ursula is not very mobile on land, but get her in the water and she's fast as lightning.

Regina noticed Emma's concern, "No one can harm him, even if they wanted to, not here. He's fine. Now, shall we go on our picnic?" Regina took a long appreciative look down Emma's body, and ran her hands along Emma's arms, giving her a coy smile. _Trust, Swan, Trust her…_

"I do love picnics," Emma watched as Regina easily mounted her huge black horse and offered her hand pulling Emma up and over. As they rode away, Emma looked over her shoulder at Henry as he splashed and played in delight.

Emma gripped Regina's waist as they made their way around the pond over to the hidden, secluded side. The pond was more of a lake Emma realized the farther they went.

"Emma…" Regina began to speak, sounding uncertain, as the horse clomped along lazily under the warm midday sun, "I must tell you how my heart smoldered with jealousy when I thought that you were engaged to Baelocchio."

"I never was, though, you know, it was you I wanted the whole time," Emma offered surely Regina knew that indubitably.

"Of course, but the mere thought of you with another was enough to drive me half-way out of my mind with anger," Regina tried again, noting she didn't sound half as romantic as she intended.

"Okay…" Emma's eyes darted back and forth wondering where Regina was going with this little confession.

"My point is that I never again what to feel that way, I want to know that I am the only one you wish to be with, and in turn you know that you are the only one for me. I don't know why or how this love of ours came to fruition but I want to see it through until the end," Regina sounded confident, but at the same time there was tenderness to her words that Emma had rarely heard.

"Right…I mean me too," Emma fumbled for the right thing to say.

A long moment passed in silence, until they neared the far edge of the pond, shadowed by an apple tree that grew just beside the grassy embankment. Regina stopped the horse and motioned for Emma to get down. Regina followed her, and walked quickly to the tree.

"This is one of my seedlings…grown from my mother tree. I planted the seed here a long time ago. I planted many seeds all over, but this is one of the only trees that grew. The other seeds were undoubtedly eaten by your mother's bluebirds, but they didn't get this one," Emma could tell Regina was stalling for time about something.

"It's a nice tree Regina, I'm starting to grow very fond of your apples," Emma blushed awkwardly and moved into the shade to stand near Regina.

Without warning Regina dropped to her knee, "Princess Emma Swan-Charming, you've made me a better person, and I want to be with you always. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Regina was looking down, but now she looked up into Emma's startled eyes. Emma took a second to process what Regina was asking, and how odd she looked on one knee, holding out a ring—a fucking shining, sparkling diamond ring, that glinted in the sunlight and mesmerized Emma until she realized she was leaving Regina twisting in anticipation and sputtered, "Yes, I'll marry you." The only marriage proposal Emma had ever received before, (besides from Baelocchio) was from a homeless guy who lived outside her apartment building in Boston and would ask her to marry him every single morning when she walked by. Coming from Regina it felt special…real…right.

Emma truly didn't have words as Regina shoved the ring onto her finger to seal the deal and then swept her up into a whopper of a true love's kiss that went on and on. The horse whinnied in approval as Regina flicked her wrist and in a poof of magic Emma's clothes disappeared once again. (Not going to have any clothes left if she keeps doing that!)

Regina lost her own clothes too, crossing to the horse and pulling a bottle of champagne from the saddle bag. She moved back to Emma, standing idly on the bank of the pond, and popped the cork, letting the white foam bubble up. Regina held the bottle to Emma's lips, pouring some in her mouth, and then spilled some intentionally down Emma's chest. Regina licked a trail down the valley between Emma's breasts lapping up the champagne.

"You really love that you can just magically wave your hand and have me instantly naked, don't you?" Emma laughed as she scrambled down to the water's edge pulling Regina along.

"Well, of course…but it's not the simple magic that I love. It's the lust I have for you that excites me. The lust that we share. Every time I see your body I want to touch you, please you, and the way you respond…" Regina kissed Emma's jaw, (Just like that) her hands tapping and running along the toned and tanned sun-warmed skin, as they stood knee deep in the clear water.

"It's the magic I feel in my heart and down to my core, when I get to have you. Your body wet and writhing under me, that's what I love," Regina cut off with a kiss, and Emma couldn't wait any longer, pulling them out of the water. (Snow was right, she'd probably drown if they tried to fuck in there) and up under the apple tree, sinking into the soft grass and pulling Regina off her feet and on top of her. Regina teased Emma's entrance, insinuating her hand between her legs, while Emma grasped her shoulders, and spread her legs wider, urging Regina to fuck her. God knew she was ready, all that talking, champagne, _proposing_ really served to get her in the mood, (not that she wasn't always in the mood when it came to Regina.)

Regina felt her out for a bit longer, looking into her eyes enjoying each little moan that escaped Emma's lips, finally slipping her fingers inside and setting up a deliciously torturous pace. Regina went on like that, using one hand to pleasure her, the other to hold her tight and her mouth to kiss and suck at her nipples. Emma pulled her head over Regina's shoulder, clinging tightly as Regina sped up her thrusts bringing her right to the edge of her climax.

Emma let her eyes slip shut as her personal fireworks display started behind her eyes, and then she heard what sounded just like Snow's distinct giggle, and a laughed, "Oh, Charming, not right here!"

Emma must be going nuts or was suffering from stress and guilt induced auditory hallucinations of her mother during sex. She hoped this wasn't the beginning of a trend. She was starting to lose focus as Regina drove into her harder, playing with her clit to try and bring her off and into a blissful orgasm.

As Regina drove her fingers into blindingly fast, and Emma's back rocked against the ground, Emma opened her eyes just in time to see Snow and Charming skipping towards them, "Fuck me!"

"I am dear, just hold still…" Regina ground out, trying to steady Emma as she began to frantically disentangle herself.

"Emma! Regina!" Snow exclaimed racing quickly toward them and coming far too close for Emma's comfort.

"Regina, poof me, poof me now!" Emma was motioning for Regina to stop and use her magic to get her clothes back on.

"Oh, I think you've _poofed _her plenty! What is the meaning of this? Emma, oh my baby, Emma!" Snow screamed lunging forward about to tear Regina's head off.

James had finally caught up; he turned a sickly shade of green and put a hand on Snow's shoulder to reassure himself (or maybe, Snow it wasn't certain.)

"Snow, dear. What a nice surprise," Regina was the picture of calm standing up elegantly, unashamed of her nudity, her long black ponytail cascading over her shoulder and down her chest.

Emma grabbed a few of the apples that were littering the ground and tried to cover herself with them to no avail. Her eyes wide and horror struck as she watched the exchange in front of her play out.

"What are you doing under our tree and with our daughter?" Snow huffed angrily.

"This is my tree, Snow, and Emma is mine. We just got engaged. See you at the wedding?" Regina was all lioness, stalking closer and licking her lips as she circled Snow.

"Emma, this is who you're in—oh God— love with!" Snow could barely get the words out, her breathing becoming erratic she slumped unconscious against James.

"See why I didn't want to tell her," Emma shifted on the ground, and spoke to no one in particular._ Did Regina just finally kill Snow white?_

"You were supposed to be out of our lives for good, we only spared you because we thought leaving you with nothing was a fitting punishment—haven't you caused enough destruction? Haven't you taken enough? And now you're here and deflowering our daughter?" James chided Regina, attempting to draw his sword as he swung Snow's limp body around awkwardly.

_She's hardly deflowering me—I mean I did have Henry like 10 years ago , hello…_

"Dad, she's not making me do anything. I want to be with her, and I don't expect you or Snow to understand it. I hardly understand it myself, but I can say for sure it's true love just like the love you have for mom, and we're getting married," Emma popped up and crossed quickly to stand behind Regina, placing her hands around her waist.

Snow sprang back to life at the mere mention of true love, "Like hell it is! Like hell you're getting married. I will not be blessing this union!"

"Oh, nothing will stop me from marrying your daughter. You should be thrilled, as I've heard told you can't wait to marry her off to a wizard or woman- you don't give a damn, so why does it matter if it's me?" The air around Regina was crackling with the forceful energy of her unused magic. Emma could feel her power growing as her excitement at torturing Snow multiplied.

"Emma—look at yourself. After what this woman did to us? After what she did to you—how can you love her. You're coming home with me right this instant and we'll pay a visit to Jiminy Cricket and get your head screwed on right!" Snow was adamant and shouldered her way past Regina to grab at Emma's wrist.

Emma shook out of her grip, "Seriously, Snow- I love her, and you of all people should understand that love doesn't work the way we would think or even how we want it to. Yesterday, you just told me you wouldn't judge who I chose to be with. And you of all people should also understand that nothing is going to stand in the way of us either. So let us be, bless us or not, we're getting married. Yes, it's really happening and it's happening soon!"

—

**Original prompt: **

**Anonymous asked: Swan Queen FTL: Regina fucks Emma right where she knows Snow & James love to picnic.**


	21. Chapter 21

Snow's parting words repeated endlessly in Emma's head on the way back to Regina's, _"I never thought you'd turn to evil_!" Each footfall of the horse hammered it home. Emma pressed her forehead to Regina's shoulder and tried to fight her tears. She felt so many conflicting emotions teetering back and forth in rapid succession: happy, sad, a loss, a beginning. It was disconcerting. She looked down at her new outfit and felt a small surge of happiness.

Regina had used magic to re-clothe Emma (a patriotic gift for the 4th of July) in her favorite outfit: blue jeans, white tank, and red jacket. _Oh, red leather jacket my safety blanket!_

Regina had stayed quiet, save for the occasional deep breath or sigh, as neither woman was ready or able to process everything that just had transpired with Snow and James. Regina hadn't told Emma that there must be a blessing from at least one of the bride's parents in order for a marriage to be recognized. If Snow and James wouldn't bless them, they would not be able to wed. The only other conceivable alternative made Regina's blood curdle at the mere thought: asking Cora.

Emma brought her hand up to wipe her eyes and found herself enchanted by the sparkling diamond now adorning her finger. Her finger was already accustomed to the new weight. It fit her beautifully and Emma could tell Regina had put thought into the selection: two twists of platinum entwined to hold the immaculately clear-cut diamond. Looking into it was like looking into infinity.

"Do you like your ring?" Regina sounded sad and soft, almost distant. She was alarmed by the sound of Emma's sniffling.

"It's beautiful. Perfect," Emma mustered a smile, and petted Regina's hair, holding her shoulders and leaning forward to kiss her cheek. Regina lifted her head, slightly turning into the sweet kiss as a smile of contentment bloomed on her own lips. At that Regina relaxed her death grip on the reins, and let the horse leisurely plod on.

"It's a 'Hearts on Fire' diamond, handpicked and cut by my own personal dwarf, fresh from the mine," Regina boasted, hoping Emma really knew how much she cared for her.

"Your personal dwarf?"

"Yes, his name is Naughty. I sponsor him," Regina stated with a slight shrug as they drew closer to the cottage. They could already hear the sounds of laughter and splashing in the distance.

_Like Save the Children, Save the Dwarves? Sponsor a dwarf for as little as a one dollar a week? I'm not even gonna ask what dwarf sponsorship requires. And how the hell is it a 'Hearts on Fire' brand diamond? The World's most perfectly cut diamond. Hmm, maybe there is more crossover to the real world than I thought. _Emma felt the color return to her cheeks and her stomach stopped doing flips as she briefly pondered if the dwarves were in need of shoes, and exactly where all diamond mines really lead to. She wrapped her arms around Regina and pressed against her back fully, letting go and closing her eyes for a moment to just be.

Regina let her eyes slip shut with a flutter of her lashes symbiotically connected to Emma. She wished the overwhelming rush of security and closeness she was feeling could stay with her forever.

But the horse stopped moving and stomped impatiently, as if to say, "We're home, get off."

"Mom! Emma! Guess what!" Henry was so excited he was practically screeching.

"Having a good time, kid?" Emma was sure she was about to find out.

Henry spoke in a rush, "Aunty Maleficent let me shoot a fireball into the lake! And she let me try her ale- it tasted gross, but it was awesome!"

_Aunty Maleficent, okay? __**Boozy **__Aunty Maleficent corrupting my child. Welcome to my new dysfunctional family!_

"She let you try ale? I'll be having a word with her about that," Regina snapped bending down and checking Henry for signs of intoxication.

"Wait, you're more concerned about a sip of beer than the fireballs from his _hands_ part?" Emma was confused. (What was the legal drinking age in the Enchanted Forest, anyway?) She had been way younger than 11 when she'd first gotten drunk on a bottle of blue Boone's Farm, but she was pretty sure you had to be at least 18 if not 21 to shoot fireballs from your fingers. (Just sayin' as a general rule…)

"Ja'far let me play with his long staff too. it has this big ball on the end that holds all of his magic and he can shoot it out like lightning…" Henry continued dragging them both by the wrist over to the festivities.

_**Pervy**__ Uncy Ja'far, wonderful!_

Emma and Regina exchanged a glance as Henry continued his excited rant, "Ursula let me play with her eels-Flotsam and Jetsam- they have weird eyes, but they're so cute. I think Mr. Bigglesworth got jealous, but Ursula caught a fish for him and Maleficent grilled it.

Henry pointed to where Mr. Bigglesworth was using a clean picked fish bone as a toothpick, he drawled as he polished his sharp teeth, "Grilled with lemon and dill, just as I prefer."

_Oh, God did Mr. Bigglesworth eat Flounder? _Henry interrupted Emma's morbid thought with some more interesting information,"Well, first Mr. Bigglesworth tried to eat Iago- Ja'far's parrot, but he didn't catch him- he did get one of his red feathers, but instead of bird he had fish. Iago is so funny, he tells the greatest jokes- you gotta hear them, Emma. There was this one about a princess and you'll never guess where she found a pea!"

_The fucking bird talks too?_

"Iago thinks he's a comedian, but he's second rate at best. A hack. I most certainly would have preferred poultry today," Mr. Bigglesworth huffed, swinging his tail and strutting off, careful not to get too close to the water's edge.

_What a rough life that cat has._

"Later we're going to do more fireballs, Maleficent promised she would turn into a dragon for me and let me pet her unicorn when we go visit her palace for the weekend! Hey, where did you get your jacket from?" Henry's whole demeanor changed from excited to puzzled as he stepped back and took in Emma's changed appearance.

"Regina got me this outfit," Emma's eyes shifted sideways.

"What's this?" Henry held up Emma's hand where he was still holding he wrist and studied the diamond intently. Then he looked up at her, a curious expression wrinkling his brow: "Emma, what did you do on your picnic?"

_Got engaged, fucked, fought with mommy and daddy. Nothing to see here. Move along folks.._

Emma looked at Regina, Regina looked at Emma. Neither one knew what to say, (or what not to say about the day's events.)

Regina shook her head and smiled wide as she made her decision. She pulled Emma against her hip, placing a sturdy arm around her waist, and announced to the small group of party attendees, "Everyone we have news: The Princess and I are engaged!"


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I had a request for more Mr. Bigglesworth from a lovely reader who reviews every single chapter I write so he has a little something in this. Thanks Jincxx! I appreciate all the reviews from everyone!

"Princess, do you mind if I steal your **fiancé** for a moment?" Maleficent smiled and batted her lashes at Emma, while digging her fingernails into Regina's forearm and yanking her away, "we're just going to have a little chat… shall we?"

Maleficent ushered Regina away and towards the garden before Emma had a chance to respond. Her phony smile instantly faded into a scowl as soon as they were out of earshot, "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Excuse me? What the hell were you thinking giving my son alcohol?" Regina spoke up, indignant.

"Oh please, he took one swallow and about gagged. He didn't even want a drag off of my cigar. It's best he start drinking at home, anyway. You certainly wouldn't want him running off to experiment in taverns or brothels and not know how much liquor he can handle, would you?" Maleficent waved off Regina's question with a passive flick of her wrist.

Regina just about fell over at the shock of the thought, "He's 11 years old! Never!"

Maleficent shrugged. Kids grow up fast in the Enchanted Forest. Slowing down as they walked through the rows of lilies, "Now, to the real question- you come back from a picnic- gussying up your 'princess' with a diamond ring and those ridiculous clothes from the cursed world, what the hell? You're supposed to be helping her blend in to this world, not stand out! And you—you are supposed to be lying low; an engagement to royalty certainly isn't going to be kept under wraps for long."

"This is what I want. This is what she wants, we're to be a family," Regina spoke softly, a long gone innocence resurfacing in her voice.

"Marriage?" Maleficent scoffed, "You? Ms. Love-is-weakness-destroy-your-happiness-enactress-of-the-dark-curse-Mills engaged. Please…"

"Snow and Charming were positively distraught over the news," Regina thought back to the look of outrage Snow sported and couldn't help but feel just a little warm in her heart.

"I'm so glad you had such an accomplished picnic," Maleficent rolled her eyes in sarcasm, "Even still, who is going to bless this union? Clearly, not your blushing bride's parents? Yours?"

"My father is dead, you know that…" Regina narrowed her eyes slightly, slumping in defeat onto a log which had been fashioned into a bench near her apple tree. She looked up to it in remembrance.

"And your mother?" Maleficent sat down next her, her interest sparked anew. Regina never spoke of her parents.

Regina paused seemingly unnerved.

Maleficent gasped, "She's alive?"

"I'm not going to ask her, we'll find another way," Regina turned away, her shoulders tightening as she worried.

"She'd approve. It's been a long time, but I remember how she is. You, marrying a princess in a bid to regain power- become queen once more. Build an army, rule with wifey and son by your side. You've fantasized about it, I guarantee it," Maleficent looked into the distance imagining Regina's potential future.

"No, that's no longer what I desire. We can have a life right here," Regina argued, but even she wouldn't have been convinced by her words.

"Wouldn't you just love to overthrow Snow and Charming? Cast her back to the woods to hunt and gather, and reverse your roles once more?" Maleficent was getting more and more into her story.

Regina knitted her eyebrows in offense, "You underestimate me, dear. If power was all I wanted I would have it by now."

"You: the reviled Evil Queen united with her: the White Knight/Princess. Widely prophesized as mortal enemies, you find true love together. You are a sucker for poetic justice. I can see the headlines now."

"Maybe you should mind your own affairs, and perhaps find your own princess to dote on," Regina stood up abruptly, she'd heard enough. She also knew there was no way she'd be sucking up to Snow in order to take Emma's hand. She didn't think her mother would approve, but perhaps it was the only alternative. She'd endure for Emma.

"I'm perfectly content with just me and my unicorn, thank you… Although, I'd like to ask you to consider letting Henry come on as my apprentice? He has a strong natural ability, and with the right instruction he could become a very powerful wizard one day….Just consider it," Maleficent flipped the cape on her dress, and was already retreating by the time Regina had a chance to process. She took a deep breath, looking to her apple tree for comfort as she contemplated her options.

—~~~~~~~~~~—-

_Hisssssssss! _

Mr. Bigglesworth couldn't control his natural urge to hiss at Maleficent as she crossed his path on the trail through the garden. To his shock she calmly stopped and hissed back fiercely, then simply kept walking towards to the party.

"Rude!" Mr. Bigglesworth sauntered along the path, looking for the perfect spot for his fourth nap of the day. His belly full and his spirits high, the late afternoon/early evening nap was his favorite nap: sunshine warming his body as he curled up contentedly in soft fresh grass. It was just as he was circling and pawing the perfect spot when he smelled it.

"Oh Sweet Goddess, what is this enticing aroma?" He sniffed the air, as if in a trance, darting under shrubs and plants, as he followed his nose, searching for the delightful smell. He came upon a clearing, and it seemed as if a single beam of light fell from the heavens to illuminate the object of his desire. The green herb looked like any other, but the smell was irresistible. Mr. Bigglesworth eagerly rubbed his face and nose along the leaves, purring uncontrollably. He opened his mouth and took a small succulent bite of a leaf, and then another.

All at once he felt a wash of euphoria, he felt relaxed and like he could dance all at once. Everything around him was beautiful, and he fell down to the ground feeling free and light.

He was rolling to and fro on his back, paws swatting at imaginary butterflies when Henry found him, "Mr. Bigglesworth? What are you doing?"

"Master Henry, look at how the sun sets so beautifully over the water. Do you see it? A wise painter once said, 'Everyone can identify with a fragrant garden, with beauty of sunset, with the quiet of nature, with a warm and cozy cottage…'

"Yeah…I guess. We're going to have fireworks soon just as soon as I find mom. Have you seen Regina?" Henry just stared

"No, but look at this," Mr. Bigglesworth held out his paw for Henry to inspect.

"Your paw?"

"It's fascinating," Mr. Bigglesworth gushed, staring at his paw with intense scrutiny.

"Emma!" Henry yelled, standing up to see if he could spot her through the garden.

"What?" She called back,

"Mr. Bigglesworth must be sick…or something!" Henry yelled racing to meet her and guide her back where Mr. Bigglesworth was holding his paws over his eyes, and half-purring/half- giggling.

Emma raced over and breathlessly took in his addled appearance. She spotted the half eaten catnip plant strewn over the ground, "Oh…um… he'll be alright…probably a little hungry, maybe a little sleepy." Henry was getting all sorts of corrupted today, innocence doesn't last.

"Are you sure Emma? What's wrong with him?"

_So Roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems, getting high as hell flyin' through fairytales skatin' on dayton rims…_

She should probably have the 'don't do drugs' talk now, but she decided to wait for Regina to help field those questions. She hadn't heard of many fairytale crack addicts, but you never know.

"He took some…_medicine_. He's just having a strong reaction," Emma lied through gritted teeth. She took Henry's hand and led him away, "So ready for the fireworks?"


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hey, just wrote this and it's real crazy, but here's a chapter, review me maybe?**

"I have to hand it to you…" Emma held up her chalice and tapped it to Regina's, "Evil bitches know how to party! You too Ja'far, my man! Happy Independence Day to me…and you…and you…"

Emma winked and pointed as she swayed slightly from the effects of Regina's seemingly never-ending and ever reliable stream of hard cider. (Some things don't change from one world to the next.) Sure, she was drunk, but she deserved it. It was her way to process everything that had happened, as she swigged down another gulp. She reached down to swoop up Mr. Bigglesworth, giving him a little nuzzles. He groaned and thrashed in her arms, still reeling from his high.

"Thanks for the…toast, dear. That was precious," Regina could only look on in amusement, as Maleficent got her attention to signal they were ready for the fireworks. The sun had set and the clear perfect night sky shone with stars. Henry listened to Ja'far tell stories as they sat by the bonfire.

Emma sat down and stretched her legs, quieting down and looking up into the night.

Regina joined Maleficent on the bank of the lake, standing across from her. Maleficent started to rub her hands together like she was forming clay into a ball. She slowly gathered magic and energy and light began to shine out of between her palms in beams growing into a bigger and brighter ball of energy as she rolled her palms more vigorously.

Regina reached into the light, rolling her own hands over it as it grew. When the glowing, gooey looking ball of light became too large to hold Maleficent threw it up into the sky. It flew so high it looked like a star.

"Well, Kids I'm a little tipsy so this is either gonna be the best thing you've ever seen or the worst. Either way you'll have a story to tell, as long you don't burn to death" Maleficent mumbled that last little warning, and belched to make her point. She gave a look like 'here goes nothing' and reached up into the air bringing her arm down like she was pulling a rope.

Regina took a seat next to Emma, scooting close and wrapping an arm around her back. Emma rested her head on Regina's shoulder and let out a tired sigh, "I hope this is an adequate 4th of July celebration?"

"I love it!" Emma smiled and pecked Regina on the lips passing her smile to her. Regina picked up Emma's hand and kissed her ring, before giving it a light squeeze and entwining their fingers.

The ball of light came crashing down from the sky at an incredible rate and then burst into a million sparkles just before hitting the water. A shockwave rippled out from every direction, as the ball exploded with a thunderous boom and crackled as multi-colored light showered in all directions.

Mr. Bigglesworth screeched at the loud noise, raising his plucky little hackles and running off, while Henry jumped up and down yelling, "Cool!"

The show went on as the ball of light continued to unravel itself turning the sky into a flickering panorama of various patterns of constellations. Emma looked on amazed as she recognized the big dipper, Ursa Major, Orion's belt and others. Points of light connected like dots to create images of apples, crowns, and swans. Unicorns also seemed to be a recurring image (Maleficent's favorite).

As the light pictures faded, the sky glazed over and Regina motioned for Henry to come close. She took his hand and blew a puff of purple magic over it, directing him to the shimmering blanket of stars, "Draw in the sky."

He looked at her in disbelief, but she looked upwards and pointed drawing a simple heart to demonstrate. The sky rippled and swirled just as if she had disturbed still water, and the heart appeared in a trail of light. Henry drew his name, freezing in amazement as it appeared in the sky, "I can feel the stars!"

Emma's jaw dropped, Henry was totally spoiled. (She only had a half broken Light Bright as a kid to play with, this was a verifiable interactive mixed media art exhibit.)

vvvvvvvv

Snow heard the boom from her bedchamber and raced to her balcony in fear. She looked across the land and saw the beautiful celebration magic popping and crackling high in the sky. She recognized Regina's brand of magic. When Snow was young and Regina spent her days learning spells and tricks Snow would beg her for a show. She felt a new layer of pain coat her despondent heart like a wick dipped in candle wax.

James came to stand next to her, hugging her from behind as they both thoughtfully watched the magical display. Despite the castle boasting a plethora of servants and knights it had never felt so empty. No Henry. No Emma. Both lost once more to the Evil Queen.

"I can't get the horrible image of Regina on top of my baby out of my head. Every time I close my eyes it's all I can see," Snow lamented.

"Me either," James shook his head to banish the thought, "but what if?"

"What?" Snow turned placed her palms on her husband's chest, curious to hear his thoughts.

"What if Emma is truly and deeply in love with her? It would mean she feels the same way for Regina that I do for you," James's marveled at thought.

"I can't believe it," Snow turned away dramatically, just in time to see _HENRY_ appear in the sky.

"You've said yourself she has the aura of love around her," James's reminded her.

"She must have fallen under Regina's spell. I could get a potion…yes! I could make a deal and cure her. We must break the spell," Snow felt hopeful for the first time since the dreaded picnic event.

"Dear you know as well as I that there is no spell to mimic true love. True love is the most power magic of all. The only one who has even come close to creating such a thing is safely locked away in our dungeon. You must not deal with him; his deals always end in heartbreak."

"Yes, I know that all too well, but I have to do something to help Emma break the hold that witch has over her," tears streamed down Snow's face.

"You can't destroy her love for one person; you'd destroy Emma's love for everything. She'd be just as evil as Regina," James's led Snow inside.

"I'm afraid she already is," Snow broke down crying against James's chest.

"We'll find a way to get her back. I refuse to believe she's lost to us. We found her after 28 years, we'll always find her."

They moved to sit in front of the fire, staring into the flames, "Just let's steer clear of the popular picnic spots, we don't need to find her _that_ way again…"


	24. Chapter 24

Two days had passed since the magnificent makeshift Independence Day/engagement party, and Emma was adjusting to life as Regina's fiancé quite well indeed. Oh, yes.

Henry's room was almost completely constructed, and Regina had already found a private tutor to continue his studies. The interview process had been more intense than the American Idol top 12 interviews. (Regina did an uncanny impersonation of Simon Cowell). Apparently, the skill set for a well-rounded Enchanted Forest education was slightly different from the American system that Emma had barely passed through. Regina quizzed the applicants like they were contestants on Jeopardy: Potpourri, Potions, Herbs & Healing, Looms & Weaving, and World Geography to name a few. Emma would have been severely in the negative if she was playing.

While Henry was off learning about some 'salt of the earth' craft projects or something, Emma reclined on the small couch in Regina's living area with her feet up in front of Regina's magic HD mirror. She had begged Regina to conjure up "Arrested Development" and now she sat laughing through one episode after another. _Has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken?_

"Regina, I'm really starting to enjoy your apples," Emma turned her head slightly, popping another slice of apple which was drowned in homemade caramel into her mouth, and peered over the couch at Regina who was tidying up the kitchen.

"That may well be, but you've been using the apple slice as a mere scoop for the caramel. You're supposed to eat them together," Regina walked with purpose over to the couch and watched Emma hold up a dripping slice of apple while drizzling a long string of caramel into her open mouth.

"Do you think we could have fried chicken for dinner? I've suddenly got a craving," Emma asked hopefully, moving her legs so Regina could sit next to her. Emma sat up, noticing Regina didn't exactly look angry (she had seen her angry face plenty of times) but she kind of looked annoyed.

_This is new._

Regina intercepted Emma's caramel covered fingers just after she went for her next scoop from the bowl, and brought the sticky digits to her own mouth sucking them clean. Emma liked that, but when her eyes met Regina's that same annoyed look was still present. _Uh, oh_ Something told Emma that fun time was over.

"You need a job," Regina stated bluntly. "No wife of mine is going to sit on her ass all day watching sitcoms on the mirror and eating sweets."

_Oh, that._

Emma had never even considered working in Fairy Tale land. Back at the palace all of her "marketable" skills had been deemed completely unfit for a princess, and she wasn't allowed to do anything. Anything but sit around and look pretty. (In Emma's opinion, she had gotten quite good at it.) Then it occurred to her why Regina was asking her to get a job.

_Oh, shit we're broke!_

"Um..do we need money?" Emma worried. She had been eating a lot, and Henry's tutor couldn't be cheap.

Regina just laughed, "Don't be ridiculous! I am a primary stockholder in the Diamond mine, and I have a well-stocked offshore bank account off of Pleasure Island. I keep it offshore to avoid giving my money to your _parents."_

_Tax evasion truly puts the 'evil' in the Evil Queen title_

"If you're rich, then why are we living in a shack?" The question burst from Emma's mouth before she had time to think.

"Oh, dear you're so…sweet. Do you remember that I'm in exile? Hiding out, off the grid?" Regina reminded Emma gently.

"Yeah…that does ring a few bells."

"Besides wealth isn't everything here…" Regina took a deep breath and looked out the window, "I'm discovering that there are some things much more precious than gems and gold."

"Okay, so why do I need a job?" Emma brought the conversation back to the original question.

"It's a matter of your happiness dear. Henry has his studies, and I have my witch council and gardening hobby, but you—need something that you can focus on and excel at."

Emma turned away and drew her knees to her chest. Regina was right; maybe she was bored here because she wasn't applying herself.

"But there's nothing I can do here. I'm worthless!" Emma continued her little pity party.

"Ridiculous, you do have valuable skills," Regina reassured her, drawing Emma out of her closed off position.

"Like what?"

"Mmmm, your tongue for one," Regina joked, not wanting to shatter Emma's confidence.

"I'm not sharing that skill with anyone but you," Emma rolled her eyes.

"I should think not!" Regina tapped her chin in thought, and then gasped as an idea came to her, "You could be a bounty hunter again!"

"No- I mean…I don't know," Emma moved her lips around in consideration.

"Why just in catching runaway gingerbread men you could make a decent sized business. There's quite a market for that alone. Not to mention, pirates (if you can swim) hoards of bandits, thieves, rescuing hostage princesses from towers…shall I go on," Regina was positively lit up with ideas.

"That sounds kinda fun actually, a little bit dangerous…a little adventure" Emma was paying close attention and actually considering it.

"And if I do let Henry study sorcery with Maleficent he could help with caging spells and disorientation elixirs…"

"Wait! What about Henry and magic? You didn't run this by me," Emma felt a little hurt. She had no idea Regina planned on giving Henry to Maleficent to thrust magic into.

"Well…I haven't really given it much thought," Regina averted her eyes and Emma knew she was lying.

"It's just he does have such potential. We could just build his foundation for Wizardry and see if he can perform. What would that hurt?" She looked sheepishly back at Emma. _Perform? Regina would be the most horrific stage mother to ever live!_

"Okay…"

"We can discuss the details later," Regina leaned over Emma and announced, "Now, seeing as you're currently unemployed, I can think a very good way for you to polish your skills and earn your keep."

_Cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do._

"It has been a few days..." Emma lost focus when Regina lowered herself down on top of Emma and nibbled her neck. They had been sleeping in a tent in the back yard with Henry and a jar of bright ass fireflies….

"First, you need to get out of those clothes and have a bath," Regina sprang off her and started to race out back to the pond, stripping off her dress as she went.

Emma looked down at her stained tank top and greasy jeans. She'd been so comfortable in her "own" clothes she had refused to take them off. She was also tired of baths; she missed her showers….and towels. _Where the hell were the fucking towels?_


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I broke my own rule of a successful Swan Queen story: never go more than 2 chapters without sexytimes. I rectified that error with a completely gratuitous chapter. After this, it's big scary Momma Cora time so hold onto your hearts!**

Emma slowly strolled out to the backyard just in time to watch Regina dive naked into the water from atop a little rocky outcropping on the deep side of the lagoon. Regina resurfaced and swam closer to the shore motioning for Emma to join her.

"If I wanted to make that jacket vanish I would have by now. You know it doesn't matter if you're wearing it or not," Regina chastised, sensing the reason for Emma's hesitation to remove her clothes.

Emma stripped and painstakingly laid her outfit on the beach so she could keep an eye on her jeans, and pouted aloud, "I really wish we had a shower."

"Aww, poor Emma, come here," Regina mocked as she swooshed through the water, beckoning Emma close.

Regina stood up, water streaming down her naked body, and held her arms wide open. Emma froggy swam as fast as she could to get close and wrap up in her arms. The water was warm and relaxing; the sun was shining brightly and Emma let go of everything except the lovely feeling of being pressed flush against Regina. They seemed to melt together, weightless in the buoyant water.

Regina pulled back from Emma, and looked at her in adoration, a bright luxurious smile of contentment stretched her lips. She reached into thin air and pulled back a bar of soap and a sponge. She dipped them in the water and began to drag the soapy sponge across her body while Emma followed the lucky sponge with her eyes, a look of awe on her face.

After Regina had finished washing, (and by proxy) thoroughly turning Emma on,) she slowly traced the sponge over Emma's shoulders.

"Wait!" Emma yelped nervously, "Do you have a razor? I'm getting a little scraggly and I don't want to gross you out." (Mabel always had a razor at the Palace.)

Regina chuckled, and placed her palm to Emma's cheek, "You know it would take a lot more than natural hair growth for me to find you unsexy, but in fact I have something better than a razor."

Regina peered at Emma's eyebrows and pointed, Emma felt a little tingle but no pain. _Better than threading! _Regina sensuously moved her cupped hands down Emma's body to her underarms, ticking her just a bit, and then over each leg, a faint purple glow of magic radiating from her fingers. _Must be what electrolysis is like… _

After her legs were finished Regina paused, her face eye level with Emma's waist, she looked up at her in question.

"Don't take all of it!" Emma squeaked, feeling incredibly embarrassed that her lover was about to give her a "Fairytalian wax."

Regina grinned and Emma knew that smile, it meant she was going to do something naughty. Emma jumped when she felt a strong tingle and then she looked down to see a purple cloud of magic wafting from her crotch where Regina was admiring her handiwork. Emma craned her neck to see. Regina had trimmed her up and added a little magical shimmery rhinestone crown for decoration. _She fucking royally vajazzled my vajayay!_

"Interesting…" Emma commented not sure what the right word was, but Regina was already on to her next thought.

"Let's see what I can do about that shower. I have a little spell I use to water the garden in times of drought," Regina stirred the air, drawing wispy magic together like fluffy cotton candy. Emma felt a gust of wind and then heard a crack of thunder directly over her head. Regina let the little magic cloud gather energy and float up to join the mini-thunderstorm converging and brewing menacingly above Emma. Little threadlike lightning bolts lit up the cloud running through it like a map of veins. Another crack and then the cloud released a steady beating rain.

Emma opened her mouth and put up her hands in happiness. She relaxed under the warm spray and soaked in the joyous feeling of being under a shower. She stood in thigh deep water, and Regina kneeled before her, rubbing the soapy sponge over her legs, between her thighs, around to butt and up her back. Emma took some magic soapiness from Regina and worked it into her hair. Suds trickled off of her fat gobs as Regina reached up to wash her breasts and clavicle to ensure she was clean all over.

"This is really nice! Mmm, feels so good," Emma moaned as Regina's smooth hands followed the light scratch of the sponge over the surface of her skin. Regina stood up and pulled Emma in for a long kiss in the rain. Emma took the sponge and rubbed it teasingly between Regina's legs, while Regina reacted by sighing gratefully.

Emma slowly sunk down into the water, anchoring herself on Regina, kissing each inch of bare wet skin as she felt her knees hit the soft sandy bottom of the clear pond. Emma licked a long unbroken trail up the inside of each of Regina's thighs before going to the middle and swirling her tongue against her. Regina arched her back, thrusting her hips in want as held tight to Emma's shoulders.

Emma continued to kiss and suck, while adding her wet fingers to Regina's heat and drawing out moans and cries as she stroked her fingers in counterpoint to the moves of her tongue driving Regina up the wall with pleasure. Regina leaned more heavily on Emma's shoulders as she picked up the pace driving into her harder, sucking more greedily all while the steady pulsing rain covered Regina's cries as droplets rippled and splashed over their bodies and into the surrounding water.

As she came closer and closer to her climax, Regina stood on curling tippy toes, gasping as she cradled Emma's head, pulling her face firmly against her. Emma happily obliged, sucking her clit harder, driving her fingers deeper until Regina gripped her fingers with her body as she came her thigh muscles quivering and jerking under Emma's expert touch. Regina slowly opened her eyes and pulled Emma up to meet her in a loving kiss.

"Shall we go dry ourselves on the bank?" Regina's voice sounded innocent and light like years had been lifted. She led Emma from the water and spread a blanket out in sand. Emma lay down tangling her legs with Regina as they relaxed and dried off under the bright yellow sun. (Maybe she didn't miss towels so much anymore…)

"This is amazing!" Emma felt clean, fulfilled and loved as Regina twirled Emma's wet locks of hair around her finger in absent thought.

"I for one feel rather invigorated," Regina held close, whispering in her ear.

"Let's get married tomorrow, I don't want to wait!" Emma was bursting with joy, and if she was home she'd have Regina on a red eye flight to Vegas to elope in an Elvis themed chapel.

Regina's face fell, her mood evaporating like the magical storm clouds… "About that…we need a blessing."

"Oh, right…huh?" Emma hadn't heard about this aspect, and briefly wondered if it was a gay marriage thing, "Can't you call up one of your friendly fairies? They seem to be handy at blessings."

Regina pulled away and looked down in dismay, "It's not that simple…."


	26. Chapter 26

Emma had a hard time sleeping that night; she thought about asking for some magical Ambien, but she didn't want to wake up Regina. She pulled herself closer to Regina, seeking comfort in her warmth and scent and thought about their conversation from the day before:

"Your _mom_?!" Emma had spent so much time worrying about her own parents she hadn't even factored in Regina's Mommie Dearest.

"Yes, she's—"

"No, don't tell me! She's some tyrannical queen in some distant magical land and we'll have to embark on an arduous journey full of danger and seek her out endangering our lives in the process?" _Outwit, outlast, outplay._

Emma was starting to clue in to how things worked around here. She folded her arms and gave Regina a satisfied and knowing look.

"Not quite- she lives close just past the boundary of the Enchanted Forest, and four fig trees to the north. And she's **not** a queen…she's nothing," Regina's voice became hard and quiet (uh oh, not a good sign.)

Emma had figured out that fig trees were the Fairy Tale Land equivalent of giving directions by the number of Starbucks or Walgreens you'll pass. _About 2 miles: _just go _12 Starbucks down and 3 Walgreens over_.

"So we have to ask her for a blessing? Can't you just ask one of your fairy friends for one?" Emma waved her hand like she was holding a fairy wand. _Bippity-bobbity- blessing!_

"The blessing must come from one of our parents. You do know of my mother and what she has done through corruption and magic?" (the "_to me_" went unspoken) Regina sat down and looked off with that faraway contemplative look in her eye.

"Um…sorta," Emma shrugged and pouted her lip. Just the thought of Regina's _mother_ gave her cause for pause. She had a hard time picturing _her_ Regina ever having or needing a mother.

"You have read Henry's book, haven't you?" Regina turned back to face her, looking slightly exasperated.

"Well, mostly I just flipped through and looked at the pictures," Emma admitted grudgingly.

Regina shook her head and gave Emma a look that said: I can't believe _you_ broke my fucking curse.

_Savior fail. _

"What terrible job did you give her in Storybrooke?" Emma pictured Regina condemning her mother to a life of something horrible and smelly like oyster shucking or sewer maintenance.

"Pharmaceutical rep," Regina smirked coldly in fondness of the memory. _Okay..that's evil…shudder_

"We'll go tomorrow and get it over with," Regina went through her nightly routine, summoning a carrier pigeon and attaching a scroll to go ahead and announce their arrival before she climbed into bed.

….

Emma awoke bleary eyed and disoriented. She looked down, knowing she had fallen asleep naked, now seemed to be in some uncomfortable getup. Regina had magically dressed her to meet Mother Lucifer. She had hoped the days of pink frilly gowns were long behind her.

"What's this now? Where are my jeans?" Emma whined as she sat up and the boa-constrictor lung-squeezing sensation of a bodice engulfed her body.

"My mother appreciates manners and will respect a princess more if you dress the part. We'll join her for tea, when she'll be at her most agreeable," Regina explained, donning a dark blue satiny gown for herself.

_Whoa! Her ass looks popping in that! _

"Alright, now or never. Let's go," Emma was pumped up, she was going to get this blessing.

….

They mounted their horses and took off through the woods, "Can't we just smoky-smoke over there?"

"I can't 'smoky smoke' two of us, and it's nice to get out on the horses, don't you agree?" Regina rode so proud and regal, while Emma slouched and hung on for dear life. Half her skirt was bunched up under her ass.

"There are some things I need to tell you about my mother. She may appear kind and proper, but she is snake. Do not trust her and do not let her get the upper hand," Regina briefed Emma like they were about to enter battle. _Cora Mills 101. _

"Is she going to try and I don't know, say… rip out my heart?" Emma wasn't really in the mood for that nonsense.

"Only with words… I siphoned off her magic long ago; she is old and powerless, and all dried up," Regina smiled, but her eyes looked unsure.

_The Silent Passage: magical menopause. _

"I haven't seen her for years, and she's going to be suspicious. Emma, she may not have her magic, but she is still dangerous. She is extremely versed in the ways of herbs and poisons," Regina warned, placing a hand to her head and looking uncertain.

"Great, but you'll protect me, right?"

"Of course. We will ask for the blessing and take our leave," Regina sounded like she was trying to convince herself. (Maybe some 'yo mama is so evil…jokes would cheer her up? Ugh, better not risk it.)

The horses plodded on through the clearing and up a windy hill. The site of a sprawling estate came into view.

"What makes you think she will give bless us? Sounds to me this is going to be a waste of time," Emma screwed her face up, weighing the risks. Regina seemed distant, her answers brief and uncertain. Emma already knew she hated someone who the mere thought of broke her girlfriend's confidence.

Fuck, here they were.

"I may say some things, use some bargaining chips…trust me."

…

"Regina, no longer a Queen…such a pity. Here I thought you'd forgotten all about me."

Emma took in Cora's appearance. She looked like Regina, her dark eyes sparkled and her long caped gown was much more conservative than anything Regina would ever wear, but Emma could tell she was definitely her mom. Her red lips were spread into a tight smile, and she awkwardly embraced Regina; it looked unnatural.

Emma was up next: Cora was on her, kissing each cheek, and Emma felt her hand brush for a lingering moment against her left breast. _Weird…_

"Princess Emma- the savior. I should have thought I'd never see the day when a Charming accompanied my _daughter_ for a visit?" Cora spit the word daughter like it was a bitter taste in her mouth. She tilted her head in interest towards Emma.

"Um...well, Regina, care to explain?" Emma defaulted unable to form a proper sentence under Cora's unwavering glare.

"Mother...we're here to ask for-"

The huge old cu-cuckoo clock hanging from the wall interrupted signaling the hour.

"Tea time!" Cora announced cheerily and clapped her hands together. She turned and headed for the parlor.

Emma hung back for a moment and took Regina's shaking hand, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, dear, you?" Regina swallowed and steeled her jaw, looking with worry at Emma.

"Um…your mom got a little handsy with me…is she always like that?" Emma asked in embarrassment.

"She wanted to feel your heart…old habit. She won't take it; I've told you she has no magic."

Emma wanted to ask how Regina could be absolutely sure, but Cora was there and they were expected to sit on the old velveteen love seat, a coffee table separated them from where Cora took her place in a matching chair.

"Now then? Shall we take our tea?" Cora watched the serving girl intently as she placed already poured cups of tea carefully down along with saucers. Regina picked up on something and held back Emma's hand when she went to reach for the cup.

Regina cleared her throat and looked up at the high ceilings, "The place hasn't changed much, no ambitions for new decorations, mother?"

While Cora followed Regina's pointing finger as she commented on the huge ugly red drapes, Emma watched Regina's other finger telekinetically switch the tea cups around the on the table. The cup that had previously been sitting in front of Emma was now in front of Cora.

"I like things the way they are; now surely you haven't come to discuss interior design? Have you come to explain how you let an entire kingdom slip from your fingers?"

(Wow, they hadn't even touched the tea yet and Cora was already laying on the guilt trip.) Emma held Regina's hand amidst their skirts and shifted slightly closer in silent support.

"We've come for your blessing," Emma piped up, finding her words. _Best to just get this shit rolling. _

"A blessing? From me? Whatever for?" Cora seemed truly confused, yet there was a false ring in her haughty tone.

Regina's lips started moving but no sound was coming out. Emma winced to see her at a loss for words. She gathered her courage and spoke for her, "Marriage. We seek your blessing for marriage."

Cora blinked rapidly, her brow furrowing, "Oh, Regina- you wish to marry _again_. Cause it went so well the first time."

"You mean the marriage that I was forced into by you—" Regina started to get upset, her voice cracking, and Cora raised her eyebrows.

"You will not jeopardize my tea time by rehashing the past, now on with it, tell me who is it you are keen on marrying? A tailor? A baker? Some other street urchin who shovels manure?"

"A princess," Emma snarled in exasperation. "Regina and I are to wed. Do we have your blessing or not?"

Emma had prepared herself to get defensive. She even had a whole "If These Walls could talk 2" monologue memorized to recite.

That's why she asked for a repeat, when Cora announced happily, "And you shall have it!"


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Warning: this chapter contains Regina and Cora angst. May trigger some feels. **

"Have what now?" Emma asked once more, and smacked her lips, blinking her eyes rapidly. She must have misheard.

"My blessing of course! Oh, Regina I knew I shouldn't have given up hope on you. Always, my crafty girl. You are truly learning. To think...you'll be queen again!"

_Well, that was easy. Problem solved. We can go home and have celebratory sex!_

Emma was feeling pretty proud of herself, chalking it up to her irresistible _princess_ status, and smooth powers of persuasion.

Cora sat back in her chair. She clasped her hands together and gave a pleased smile. Regina had no reaction, and Emma glanced over and noticed her face was unreadable. Emma saw her stare intensely as Cora picked up her tea cup and took a hearty drink.

Emma had to ask, "It doesn't bother you that the one Regina wishes to marry is me- a woman?"

"Oh, dear-As a child, Regina used to insist on stripping her dollies naked before taking them to bed. I've known of her proclivities long before even she was aware," Cora sounded mirthful and scheming.

_Hmm, makes you wonder about that boyfriend she had…_

Regina picked up her own tea cup mimicking Cora, and took a small sip; she held it so tightly between her hands that Emma was sure it would break. Remembering her own manners and all that mandatory etiquette bullshit Snow had imposed on her, Emma crossed her ankles and picked up her cup to play along.

Cora took another sip, and the scheming smile faded from her lips. She tilted her head and ran her fingers down her own throat like she was trying to soothe an unpleasant sensation, before barking angrily, "My tea you-"

Regina pounced, her eyes sharp and lips twisted into a wicked grin, her hands clutched the cup tighter, "How do plan on manipulating me now, _mother_?"

Cora faltered and her eyes closed momentarily and her face smoothed into a serene and placid mask. Her smile was back and she spoke in a robotic cadence, "I shall move in and be your advisor, and you'll be my marionette. I shall rule the kingdom with a firm and unyielding hand. The right way. The way you never could. You couldn't even stand up to your foolish old husband. We're alike though, Regina. So alike. I know you hate that. The way you try to disobey me at every turn, but I'll always find a way to pull you back. Look at you here now- needing me to give you a blessing! You can try to run, but you're mine."

_Say what?_ Bitch, please. No fucking way Monster-in-law was gonna be anywhere near their life. Emma hoped Fairytale Land had a whispering Pines old folk's dungeon to dump her at.

And wait one freaking minute, who is to say they were even going back to the palace or ruling anything…

"Um..excuse me? What's going on here?" Emma was getting a little frightened of Regina's change in demeanor and the shift of energy, and Cora: _WTF?_

Regina brushed Emma's fingers and leaned over and whispered, "Truth serum. She doesn't even realize I switched the tea. She'll answer anything we ask."

"Oh…" Emma felt a strange ambivalent mix of relief and worry. That truth serum was supposed to be in _her_ tea. Fuckballs!, If she drank it, she'd probably be babbling about every kinky thing she liked Regina to do during sex as that was always on the forefront of her mind. (They certainly didn't need any more _parental_ involvement in that aspect of their relationship)

"You plan to overthrow the Charming's and take your throne with your new trophy _blonde_ bride at your side, then? It must get their goat that you tricked _this_ girl into marrying you," Cora spoke so casually. She seemed completely unconcerned about Emma: (Charming love potion #1) _Um, hello, I'm right here! I can hear you!_

"Something like that," Regina spat, she hadn't blinked in minutes. She shifted in her seat, her voice pure ice, as she continued to stare her mother down.

Emma carefully scooted away from Regina; she felt waves of dark energy coming off of her; drowning her. The open room now felt oppressive and tense. Emma's heart hammered and she looked back and forth between Cora and Regina. They were staring each other down like wolves.

"The only good thing you did as ruler was to kill the King. Snake venom, fast and burning; you always were impatient. Impulsive. I prefer a slower more painful method of poisoning. Funny, how alike we are. Emma, do you see? Regina murdered your grandfather, and I, your grandmother: The White Queen. You share her namesake, although I doubt you'd ever be half the queen she was. Regina couldn't hack it."

Cora seemed to be into the lengthy monologues when she was under the influence of truth serum. Emma had never really thought about her grandmother. Her name was Emma too, well then? She knew Henry was named after Regina's father…must be a _thing _here.

Regina looked like she was ready to blow her corset, "You orchestrated The White Queen's death? How?"

"She fell ill, the king sent for the best healer in the land. I was in that position. I disguised myself of course, you can never be too careful. A little daily dose of hemlock in the queen's broth…well, it was easy," Cora continued to speak unfazed.

Regina's eyes were wide, but unseeing, blinded by rage. Emma moved her hands in a futile attempt to comfort her, but she shrugged her away. Emma thought about interrupting Cora, she didn't want to hear this; she didn't want Regina to hear this. There was really no good segue to change this conversation… _so you both pretty crazy about apples? Honeycrisp for the win!_

"I want to hear everything," Regina's jaw tightened in realization she had been nothing but a cog in Cora's spinning wheel since birth.

"I'll admit I had ambitions to marry Leopold myself, but I had _you. _The king wanted no more children besides his angelic Snow. But you knew that already, Regina. Did you beg him to give you a son? How pathetic."

Regina jumped up, she had always harbored suspicions about the depth of Cora's involvement and plan to get Regina to be queen, but now she was admitting it like they were chatting about a sunny day.

Regina couldn't stop herself when her hands shot forward; Cora flew across the room, sprawling as over ankles. Regina advanced on her, and Emma knew she had murder on her mind. Regina clenched her hands into fists, Cora gasped for breath, her face reddening, as phantom marks appeared around her neck.

"You've used me. Hurt me, taken those I've loved…twisted my soul to fit your agenda. Tell me, mother- did you ever love me at all?"

"Regina! Please…let go…don't!" _God damn it, walk away!_

"Of course I love you!" Cora gasped.

Regina relented and released her magic grip. She fell into Emma's arms, covering her face, her body wracked with sobs. Emma ushered her out of the house, leaving Cora screaming on the floor.

_So…guess that blessing is probably off the table. Just taking a guess, here._


	28. Chapter 28

Regina had broken away from Emma, ran to horse and took off sans saddle. Emma tried to hurry and chase after her, but her horse was kinda stubborn, and there was no way she'd be able to leap over fallen logs and duck underbrush going at the pace Regina commanded effortlessly. So Emma plodded home, and found Regina in bed.

Emma fought the desire to go visit Snow. After the violent run in with Cora, she wanted to hug her own mother. The thought that Cora had been responsible for Snow's mom death was emotionally sickening Emma. Regina, growing up with a mother like Cora. _Well, no wonder…._

Henry had walked in. The slam of the door announced his arrival. He started chattering endlessly about his archery lesson.

"Hey, kid, why don't you go tell your cat about it? I'll catch up later. I need some alone time with your mom," Emma tried to gently redirect Henry outside to where Mr. Bigglesworth was sunning himself.

"Cool, let me know when dinner's ready!" He skipped out the back door, and Emma climbed up the loft.

Regina had her arm covering her eyes. The only sign of life was the rise and fall of her chest. Emma cleared her throat, not knowing where to begin. This was new and foreign. Regina was always the strong one; the one who solved Emma's problems.

"That was a bit of a domestic dispute, but I've seen worse on 'Cops.'"

Regina moved her hand and gave her a pointed look. She was obviously too upset to even bother rolling her eyes. _Not helpful, Emma..damn. Maybe now was the time for yo mama jokes…no definitely not now. _

"Hold me," Regina said softly, her voice sounding very un- Reginalike. Even in comfort Regina had to give instruction. The big heavy dresses they were both still outfitted in, made the move cumbersome, but Emma managed to snuggle Regina up. She stroked back flyaway strands of dark hair.

"Maybe visiting your mom wasn't such a good idea. (*cough* understatement). You are never going to see her again," Emma spoke with strength and certainty. She felt Regina relax a tiny bit in her arms, "She'll never hurt you again."

"She's already hurt me," Regina whimpered, before slamming her mouth closed, and turning away. Seems Regina knew her own role in the relationship as the strong one as well.

"You can tell me. You can talk to me about…hard stuff. I'm not going to leave. You've got me forever," Emma wasn't sure if it needed to be said, but she wanted her to know.

"You'd never leave my sausage and mushroom pizza or chicken alfredo, you mean?" Regina managed half a smile.

"Don't forget your Swedish Meatballs, I can't live without those. Where else would I ever be so lucky to get the good stuff?" _Emma Swan's tips on condolences:_ _When in doubt relate it back to food._

This was good; emotional processing. Emma needed to do some of her own, she looked down lovingly at Regina. She looked like a completely different woman than the one she had encountered back at Cora 'kitty claws' manor, "Do you watch some mirror vision? I think 'The Voice' started a new season."

Regina chuckled softly, and patted her arm, "I love you. Never change, dear."

Emma cooked dinner. Well, correction: Regina sat at the table and instructed Emma on how to cook. _Like a backseat chef_.

Henry stood in front of the mirror, singing melodramatic LeAnn Rimes to Mr. Bigglesworth, while twirling him around like baby Simba, _"You're my world, my heart, my soul, if you ever leave…"_

"You will never have a career at singing, stop now!" Mr. Bigglesworth sounded like Simon Cowell as he insulted Henry's voice. It was true Emma and co. weren't known for having precise pitch.

Despite her lack of ability, Emma started to sing to Regina as worked to boil water, "_And tell me now, how do I live without you? I want to know…"_

Regina switched back and forth from horrified to amused embarrassment. Emma knew deep down she thought it was adorably sweet.

When the song ended, and the contestant got a hug from Christina Aguilera, Regina proclaimed seemingly out of nowhere, "I want to send Henry to Maleficent for training. I want him to have the skills he needs to protect himself…should something ever happen."

Before Emma could ask questions, the mirror started glowing and pulsing, like the satellite signal was losing strength. _Was there a service company to call for magic mirror service interruptions?_

Regina raced to the mirror and waved her hand in front of it. The hazy green face of a woman appeared in the glass, and Regina practically bounced, "El!"

"Reg! Can you hear me okay? I've been having trouble with the reception on my crystal ball, especially across realms. I hate magical interference," Elphaba rambled on, and Emma just looked stuck. It didn't even faze Emma that Regina was having face time through a magic mirror/crystal ball (wonder if they have free in-network calling?) with the Wicked Witch of the West…that was her full title, right?

"Congratulations! I just heard about your engagement! Do you have save the date yet?"

Regina sighed, "Unfortunately no, not yet…. How's Glin?"

"She's my rock! She totally changed me for the better and for good. 4 years next month. Hey, you know what? Why don't we catch up this weekend? I have some business things I'd like to discuss with you, anyway. Bring your fiancé over to Oz and have a little vacation?"

Regina looked to Emma and raised her eyebrows in question, a playful smile forming on her lips. Henry was still dazed and whoa-ing in awe over the mirror.

Emma shrugged her shoulders, "Sounds…great. We could use a vacation." _Oz sounds nice. Probably very green and lush, like Ireland or something…_

"Alright, I'll mark an X so you know where to land. You know what they say about Witch drivers? They should never attempt to steer anything bigger than a broom stick, haha, okay, love you, Reg! See ya soon."


	29. Chapter 29

Emma meandered through the market; Henry held her hand as they snaked through the bustling crowd. Mr. Bigglesworth rode on Emma's shoulder, occasionally complaining about the heat or the people.

Regina stayed home, (she needed to pack for Henry) and sent Emma off with a coin purse full of gold to get Henry his wizard apprenticeship essentials. The market was foreign and confusing and there was no organization as far as Emma could tell. Turkey carcasses hung next to the guy who sold hammocks, and next to that was a stall full of ceramics. (Why couldn't there just be clean alphabetized aisles like Target?) Maleficent had met Emma at the gate and gave her a list of items to go buy, while she scouted out the most important item: Henry's wand.

"Emma, here's the tarot cards," Henry jumped excitedly, and raced over to the vendor.

"Which deck would you like? We've got: Deviant Moon, Bohemian Gothic, Aleister, Crowley Thoth, Shadowscapes, Rider-Waite, DruidCraft…"

Emma blew out an aggravated breath; the list just said Tarot Cards, there was no brand name listed. She didn't know she'd have to worry about the various kinds. _She couldn't get the Miracle Whip when Henry needed the Hellman's… _

"Um..how about we get a Gothic and a Shadowscape?" Emma handed out some gold and the vendor took it, handing back two thick decks of cards. Shit, she had no idea what she'd even just paid for those stupid decks of cards._ They should have a 2 for one special._

"Henry, are you one hundred percent sure you want to do this Wizard thing?" Emma asked.

She just wasn't sure magic was a good idea. She did love Regina's…skills, but Snow and Charming were adamant against it. She wanted to make sure Henry wasn't just doing it because Regina wanted him to. _Yet another thing that would hurt and distance Emma's parents._ She still hadn't gone back to the castle to see Snow. It was clear to Emma that she had shown her disapproval and it would stay that way. Besides, if Emma went back Snow might just lock her in a tower to keep her from being with Regina.

"More than anything! Aunty Maleficent is so cool, and I promised mom that I won't let my other studies slide."

"Remember what Regina and Maleficent agreed on? This is just a trial period. So I don't want you to be disappointed if it doesn't work out," Emma reminded him. She felt like she was sending him off to summer camp...

"I know. So what else is on the list?"

Emma read it over, (or tried to.) _sound it out, girl, use your consonants,_ "Cauldron, cingulum, besom, STANG?" _What kind of fuckery is this?_

Turns out customer service at the market was actually pretty helpful in finding some of the items, and after an exhausting search for a ritual chalice, and an aggravatingly endless choice of censers and incense: the list was finally complete.

Mr. Bigglesworth kept whining that he was hungry, so Emma bought him some atrocious liver snack that he hogged down, and made smacking noises right in her ear, "Don't get liver juice on my jacket!"

They found Maleficent haggling heatedly over a wand. It sounded like they were arranging the purchase of a Mustang GT convertible rather than a dumb stick: _Shelby GT500, legendary 5.0L V8 engine, 6 speed transmission…_

Emma just picked up bits and pieces of Maleficent's conversation as she looked at the display of wands. _Nope, she couldn't tell the different between the $1000 one and the $15 one. _

"No, I said level 7.. do you not speak English?…this shitty piece of kindling is level 5 max! Nothing but the best: I need fully dark/light magic compatible….NO!, this one has an off finish, and warping on the tip, unacceptable. I'm obviously gonna need a zapper adaptor…."

After a lengthy debate, Maleficent was satisfied with the wand in hand, and she nodded to Emma to pay. Emma just handed over the rest of the money she had in the coin purse. _Wonder if the market has a tax free weekend for before the next wizard supplies run…_

…

Regina looked over the wand appraisingly, flicking her wrist and swirling it around to test it, "Nice resistance…I approve."

"Nothing but the best for my new pupil," Maleficent already had her hand on Henry's shoulder. Emma loaded his suitcase of clothes onto Maleficent's cart.

"I'm gonna miss you kid, but you can talk to me on your mom's mirrors. We'll be in Oz, but if you need me for anything you let me know, okay?" Emma patted his head and pulled him into a hug.

Regina kneeled in front of Henry, looking him over as if she was trying to immortalize this memory, "You have all my mirror contacts, right Maleficent?"

"Yes, Regina. My God, we're just going to the Forbidden Fortress, not to Mars," Maleficent rolled her eyes.

"You are going to learn so much and be such a great sorcerer," Regina swiped away a tear and hugged Henry as tight as possible.

He eventually pulled away with discomfort from Regina's overbearing vide and called for Mr. Bigglesworth. The stupid cat stood in the doorway unable to make up his mind, "I want to stay here, I don't like that _witch_…"

Maleficent rolled her eyes, "Although, I would not have chosen you in a million cats, you are to be Henry's familiar. He already has a bond with you, so it will make it slightly less painful when he forces your spirit out of your fish-breathed naked cat-body and takes control."

"Ugh! Well…I…Mrr…" Mr. Bigglesworth stammered, and Maleficent picked him up by his stringy tail and hauled him outside.

"Bye moms! Have fun in Oz!" Henry called as he followed Maleficent out the door.

When Henry had left (Regina stared out the window until the carriage was no longer visible) Emma looked around to start packing for OZ, "What's the weather like there anyway?"

"You don't need to pack anything," Regina threw up a hand absently and went back to doing something magical to the legs of the furniture.

"If you think I'm gonna let you magic and poof my clothes on and off at your will, you're in for an awakening…"

Oh, but make no mistake: Emma enjoyed when Regina took her clothes off, but not so much when she put them on, it was disconcerting. _Oh, Regina still undressing your dollies….old habits, tsk tsk._

Emma stopped mid-rant to puzzle over why Regina appeared to be nailing all the furniture to the floor, "Um, Regina I really don't think you have to worry about a break in. You have magical enchantments all around this place that make it completely invisible to anyone you don't want to find it." _Duh!_

Regina walked over to Emma and placed her hands on her shoulders, and let out a long sigh, "I do need to bolt down the furniture, and you don't need to pack."

"Okay…what?"

"There's only one guaranteed way to get to Oz."

"Um?" _Amtrak? Greyhound? Megabus? _

"Tornado," Regina got that wicked glint in her eye. She threw a leather strap to Emma, "I suggest you fasten yourself to something sturdy, we don't need you incurring a head injury."

Emma didn't have to be told twice she climbed up into bed and tied herself to the rails. She peered over the edge as Regina began to call up the mother of all storms. _Damn, just like X-Men! _She took a wide stance, tilted her head and threw up her arms. The wind started to howl fiercely, the house began to shake and teetered right and left. Lightning glared in streaks through the windows. Emma felt the house lift and she held on tight. The sensation was terrifying like an elevator ascending rapidly. She held her stomach as she felt slightly nauseous.

After the choppy takeoff, she started to get used to the feeling, as she spun and hurled through the air. Her ears popped as they rose higher in the sky. The house had leveled out, and walking around was sort of the same as the sensation as walking on a slanted roof.

"Come see," Regina took her hand and they slowly made their way to the window. The view was breathtaking; Emma could see all of the Enchanted forest as they flew above it carried by the swirling column of wind.

Emma noticed something circling the house like an orbit, "Is that your apple tree?"

"Why yes, dear. I take it everywhere," Regina said it so matter of fact, as if everyone uprooted their 20 foot tall trees to take on vacation. _Don't want the tree to feel left out, God forbid!_

The forest green of the tree tops gave way to a view of sparkling silver-blue water.

"This is King Triton's realm. It borders Oz, but he and I are not on the best of terms," Regina explained. She stood behind Emma and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close, "Beautiful isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah…but no water landings," Emma leaned against Regina's chest, and turned slightly to steal a kiss.

"We're going to have a good vacation dear, I can feel it," Regina emphasized her point by letting her fingers roam hotly down Emma's chest and stomach. Regina bumped her hips against Emma's butt once, and then reluctantly released her.

"Tie yourself to the bed, (kinky!) I need to focus on landing. I've never done it before."

"Thanks for that calming boost of confidence," Emma made quick work of tying herself down.

"There's our landing target, Elphaba's X," Regina yelled over the strong whipping wind. She concentrated on controlling the mighty twister, waving and swirling her hands in ways that gave Emma pleasant feelings: Aw, _Regina and her delectable magic fingers._

The house lurched and falling slow followed by a sudden drop, but when they finally touched ground in OZ, Pilot Regina successfully made a soft landing. (Like Double-ply Charmin soft.)


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: This is by far my favorite chapter! I hope you all enjoy. **

"Majesty?" Cooper removed his helmet and bowed before Snow's throne.

"Have you word of their whereabouts? Are they here?!" Snow stood and hurriedly raced down the stairs to stand before her guard.

"Princess Emma and Prince Henry were spotted at the floating market," Cooper hunched his shoulders and lowered his head. All of the palace guards had been searching tirelessly for Emma and Henry for days.

Snow exhaled in relief, "Where are they now?"

"Um..well, Mike and Bill were tailing them, but they decided to stop at 'Jurassic Hut' for a quick Brontosaurus burger, and then sort of lost track of them again…" Cooper didn't dare to look up for Snow's reaction.

"They lost them? They had them in sight and they lost them!?" Snow clenched her fists and tried to calm her breathing. She hadn't been able to sleep or eat since Emma had been _taken_ by Regina. She missed Henry's laughter and she even missed his snarky cat. She had to get them back.

"I'm sorry, Queen Snow. We will continue looking…double our efforts, we have a BOLO out on Emma's horse, and Henry's sketch is on all the mead cartons."

"Just bring them to me," Snow's voice broke as she raised her hand and dismissed her guard, turning back to her throne.

It was time to resort to drastic measures.

…

Regina took Emma's hand and they stepped out of the house. They had landed on the roof of a huge castle, although it looked more like a skyscraper than a palace. After Regina checked on her tree, two guards quickly escorted them inside and down an elevator. The doors opened into a lobby.

"Where are we?" Emma dropped Regina's hand, unsure if it would anyone would frown upon seeing two women together.

"This is Elphaba and Glinda's western palace. It's a center of commerce. They live in the penthouse, and we're about to enter Elphaba's office," Regina explained, once more taking Emma's hand and giving a squeeze.

The sleek stone grey walls showcased contemporary art work, and the floors were made of a slick marble swirl. The guards held open the huge wrought iron doors leading into the office for Regina and Emma to step through.

"Regina!" Elphaba exclaimed, throwing off her reading glasses and coming around her desk. She wore a silk raspberry colored blouse, with a black vest and a long black pencil skirt. _For a woman so green she was so beautiful. _

"Elphaba, you look well!"Regina embraced her and they gave each other double cheek air kisses.

"This must be Princess Emma, come here, dear, let me get a look at you. Oh, Regina she's stunning," Elphaba energetically embraced Emma, and she returned the hug finding she felt at ease.

"What kind of perfume is that? It smells awesome," Emma asked, indulging in the smell again.

"Black raspberry green tea. My life advisor, Pablo, says my scent should match my colors. It's this whole new age balance thing," Elphaba waved her hand and motioned them to follow through the office and out onto the balcony. The view from the 100th story balcony overlooked a bright red sea of poppies. The land of OZ was mostly bright green and yellow, and Emma could see on forever, and the skyline of the city in the distance almost reminded her of Boston.

A tiny fluffy dog with three little heads started yapping and wagging its tail as they walked across the balcony.

"Cerby stop! These are our guests. Be nice," A bubbly blonde woman dressed in a pink Chanel suit, scolded the pups (pup?) in a high-pitched sing-songy voice as she came barreling up to Emma. _Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde! _

"Hi," Emma squeaked as she was once again hugged enthusiastically, as Glinda started swinging her back and forth.

"Let me see your rock!" Glinda screamed, taking Emma's hand, she popped a little magnifying glass out of thin air and inspected Emma's ring, turning her hand and catching the light at different angles.

"Oh, my God- _Hearts on Fire!_ I'd know that cut anywhere! Glinda held her own hand to her chest and gave a coy smile, showing on her heavily iced fingers.

"Glinda, you look beautiful as always," Regina stepped up and took her turn in greeting.

"Oh, Regina you've got yourself quite a hotty totty Princess," Glinda squealed joyfully, as she pulled them to the table where a spread of fruit, cheese and crackers was waiting. A servant came around and set a drink in front of each woman as they took their seats.

Elphaba picked up her martini glass and raised it to toast, "Thank you Regina and Emma for coming to visit us. Congratulations on your engagement!"

"To good times and good friends!" Glinda added with a nod, and they each took a sip of their green appletini's.

…**..**

It was late when Henry finally bounced into his cool new quarters in the Forbidden Fortress. Maleficent supervised as her servants carried in his suitcase and unpacked his things. The roomed was themed with maps of the Enchanted Forest and greater Fairytale Land area. The ceiling was painted like the night sky; complete with magic glowing stars.

Mr. Bigglesworth jumped onto the bed and stretched out to nap. He was still grumbling on about how no one had better take over his body while he was sleeping...until he drifted off and started to _snourrrrr._

"Cool, I love my room! This is going to be so much fun! When can I start playing with my wand?"

"Well, Henry you're 11, right? I suspect you'll start playing with your wand very soon. That is, if you haven't already. Hasn't one of your mothers gone over this with you?" Maleficent asked with amusement. She'd have to remind her maid to make sure Henry had a stockpile of extra sheets handy_. Leave it to Aunty Mal to educate the poor pubescent boy. _

"Huh?"

Maleficent shrugged and left Henry to settle in to his new room. Just as she got to the door she turned back and added with a wicked smirk, "Just remember, any more than 3 shakes and you're definitely playing with it."

…

"So Emma is it true that before Regina swept you off your feet you were engaged to that Harry Potter Fucker Baelocchio?" Elphaba asked sloshing her 3rd appletini over the side of the glass.

"There was some misunderstanding that got out of hand, he was just after me for our fairies anyway," Emma tried to explain, as Regina scooted her chair closer and placed a hand on her thigh possessively.

"Well, he did the same shit to Glinda! He's a predator. He was sore that I wouldn't give him the Wizard of Oz appointment. I'd rather have no Wizard than another corrupt one. He was just after our poppy fields for his sordid underground opium trade with Wonderland. He made an inappropriate drunken pass at my wife!" Elphaba seemed to turn even greener and her eyes went wide.

"Disgusting!" Regina chimed in, taking a long swallow from her glass.

"He grabbed me at the annual animal rights fundraising ball and slurred with his nasty pig breath, 'a good witch needs a gooooood wizard'!" Glinda shivered, traumatized and indignant.

"Pff, even if he had no chance, no one gets away with that. I was so fucking jealous, I sent my two brawniest Winkies after that sleazebag to bring him back for punishment…."

_Was she green with jealousy? Haha_

"My Winkies never returned, and 2 weeks later my mail monkey flew in a postcard with a sketch of Baelochio sipping a pina colada, sandwiched between my two shirtless Winkies on Captain Hook's pleasure yacht!"

"I had the chance to kill him once, but Emma stopped me," Regina clutched her glass, her eyes were dark and murderous.

"Let's talk about something happier," Glinda tried to change the conversation, "How about the wedding?"

_Happier indeed._

"We can't get the necessary blessing from any of our parent's so the wedding is not looking likely," Emma said glumly. She didn't need anything official to be Regina's wife, and maybe it was just her ingrained princess nature, but she felt herself inexplicably longing for a big wedding.

"The Enchanted forest still has those outdated, archaic, misogynist homophobic laws on the books?" Elphaba asked with disgust.

"Unfortunately, yes, I should have changed those laws when I was Queen….but that stupid cowface Snow White…" Regina hiccupped and seethed and slurred. She was getting drunk and leaning heavily on Emma's shoulder, her eyes kept wandering down to Emma's cleavage. They were going to need to excuse themselves soon.

"OMG! O-h M-y G-o-d! I just had the best idea evveeerrrrrr!" Glinda shrieked, jumping up from the table and flitting around the balcony.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Elphaba stood up to and smiled at Glinda, and then they both turned their grins on Emma and Regina.

"Get married here! In Oz we have no prohibitions or statutes on same-sex marriage. We are the most progressive realm in all of Fairytale Land. Of course, for the marriage to stand you'd have be citizens, but even still- you shouldn't be denied a wedding just because your parents don't approve."

"Yes!" Regina stood up, she was practically trembling. "Emma, my love, how do you feel about it?"

"Sounds like a great idea," Emma was stunned and happy. She flung herself in Regina's arms, hugging her dearly.

"We have a whole army of men who just adore you, Regina- they worship you, seriously, your curse was like a blessing: opening their eyes to new fashion trends and the joys of manscaping. They would love to help with your wedding, and frankly they are getting tired of organizing munchkin drag parades down the yellow brick road." _Everyone loves an oversized rainbow lollipop!_

Glinda twirled happily, "We could have you married Gangnam style in less than a week! It's your life, dance through it!"


End file.
